Struggles of Dating

I get it, I'm not tall, dark and handsome. I know that I'm pocket hulk. I know that I'm the smallest dude who nobody wants. And still have to have a smile on my face. Men and women have been toxic to each other for years. They don't want to let up because the culture is toxic. We don't have perspective and I know that the important work of Dr. Gabor Matè is something. We live in a toxic culture where we have no respect. And that's what increasing the Roots of Loneliness. Disrespect. I know that I'm the smallest meaning more disrespect from everyone. I get no breaks and I have to work twice as hard to get a job because my workload.

I know that I was permanently damaged and I had to go out on the road. I know that I am hated and no threat to anyone. I am not formidable because everyone challenges me. I was supposed to forgive them because all of the shit they've put me through.

I know that I'm still extinguishing a little hell because my heaven was temporarily something. I know that I don't have any respect from these staff members because I am the smallest. No threat or nothing strong. I know that I'm still recovering from grief and losses. I am the punt of the joke and I am the laughingstock. I know that I'm not taken seriously because I am disabled. No threat and no respect. I know that I'm still hoping to move out of here because I got no respect from anyone of them. They joke and make me the center of that. I want to move because I am nothing but a joke to them.

My disabilities are nothing but a pay check. I know that they have pay check with all this. I know that I don't have any physical fitness or training to fight back. I know that I have to move to prove that I'm no joke. I know that Adrienne is brave because she gots that boxer. Feeling stuck, alone and trapped.

I feel like I'm going crazy. I have no respect here because nobody wants me to learn truths. Feeling like I have to go suicide to prove my point. I had the loss of life and my first was my great grandmother. I know that Darren never wanted me safe or having a tough mentality. Everyone here wants me to give up on moving back home. I know that I don't have any attractive qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles. Feeling like I'm that kind of loser. I needed support and they are surviving off of that.

I was held back in so many ways and I know that people see no threat because I am that kind of disrespectful joke. I am stuck, alone and trapped here because I got no houses and apartments. I know that Mawita'mk Society don't want me to figure out how to live in Eskasoni. I know that I've lost many battles and over my life I had many losses. It's humiliating and embarrassing.

The struggles of dating is that I'm the smallest guy and nobody wants me. Feeling unattractive and used I know that I'm alone and stuck where I'm at. I cannot rest peacefully because Mawita'mk staff seems like enemies. Bullies who never had their comeuppance. I know that I had many losses, missed opportunities and deprived choices. I know that my family have held me back because they wanted me to struggle with everything. They had to make my life worst because I got no reasons to fight back so they keep telling themselves. They all are driving me crazy.

In here I click with certain people. I know that's something hard to swallow because I don't have any heavy words. I know that I don't have earned respect because I haven't done anything. Whatever I had in Eskasoni I know that I could've recovered from my insanity.

I have to take my story back. Mawita'mk Society has the narrative but I could get it back. I am young but getting to that age where I don't want to workout anymore. I know that I haven't made my impact in this world. I haven't really gotten successful, accomplished and thriving on my own. Everyone takes a little out of me and I know that I need to work towards my independence. Nothing like vengeance to motivate my ass. I know that Mawita'mk Society took away my workethic, my tough mentality, my strong soulfulness and my psycho-spirituality in strength. Everything has its purpose.

The struggles of dating is talking to women. I know that I don't have anyone interesting in my life. Feeling like eventually I will give up. I know that I have confidence but there isn't any woman available. I cannot ask staff because there is policy against it.

I know that I've been humble and simply living ideally. I know that my stepfather never really wanted me to join anything. He held me back because he was a jerk. He didn't want me to enjoy myself sociably. I know that my stepfather held me back because I never had any information of any clubs, after school programs or anything. I know that I lived a sadden life and couldn't really feel sadden about it. Something had to be done and now it's way too late. Nobody told me anything in ALP program about my dates or anything. And I know that now I'm being held back.

I know that I was neglected and that's how malnourishment happens. I know that I was deprived and cheated out of youth opportunities. And nobody feels bad for me because I never had anything. I know that I had to move on out of Eskasoni and I want to move back. I've healed and haven't recovered. I know that I'm the liability.

The burden and I know that I have to stay where I'm at because I got nothing. I know that being put in the friend zone is abusive. It's torments constantly. I wish I'd stayed in Eskasoni at least I could have my life together. Fucking Trent Nicholas and Audrey kept on chasing the young ones. I didn't like that because it wasn't love or romance. I know that I had no one-night standers because of Trent Nicholas and Audrey. I have plenty of reasons to work out. I have gay rapists to worry about. I have people bigger than me to worry about. Nobody has taught me anything. No martial arts or boxing.

Loneliness can be toxic emotionally too. I know that I have been blogging and hopefully I can get these doctors' names known: Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Gabor Matè, Dr. Tara Bennett-Goleman, Dr. Philip Zimbardo, Dr. Marsha Linehan and other doctors I hope to learn about.

I know that hyper-responsible or hyper-independence is because of trauma. I was overcompensating with my heavy loneliness and shame. I know that guilt versus shame could have impacts of crippling traumas. People shitting on your shame. I know that stress has something of a good stress and bad stress. But I know that I have been living in Eskasoni for 25 years. Feeling that Mawita'mk Society means reliably three meals a day, reliable transportation and trustworthy people. Personally accustomed to lifestyle like this I know that fitness will make my body balanced out because I know that my stepfather has taught me a lot to make up for my missed social opportunities.

The brain in the cycle of intergenerational traumatic relationships is something that needs to be addressed. I know that I haven't been able to atop toxic behaviors in my past. But I still love and care.

If I had a boxer friend I would br brave too. I know that toxic self blame was something that my stepfather has stopped when I needed it. My childhood addictions with hypersexuality and inhalant addiction was sickening. My shame was crippling and I know that I had to learn my evolution of my relationships. My evolution of friendships, family and romantic partner or having no romantic partner. I know that I'm still learning as the evolution of my relationships change my emotional intelligence. How I experienced things. My stepuncles wanted to keep things the same. Feeling like I was emotionally evolving into a more aware intellectual authority.

Not enough to learn. I know that I have to work on the evolution of my relationships and work on areas of myself to improve myself holistically and wholistically. I know that I am taking time to reflect and retrospect.

Interpersonal biological interconnectivity of such biodiversity and human interactions. I know that I've been learning about opportunities in my own mind, to take my own mind and have my own introspective look. I know that I have to socially be smart and live my life with self-discipline and routine. The interconnected complexity of relationships today has been something difficult because people don't want criminals. Or if I have a criminal element. I know that I'm not that attractive because I know that I have to work on my body. I never was embraced by the younger generations because I have been growing old. I'd missed my opportunities in my teen years and early adulthood.

I know that my complete transformation from a poor, malnourished and uneducated mental patient was something that I know that nobody cared about my life. A traumatic tension was making me volatile.

I know that I'm the smallest dude in a toxic human culture and society. I know that I don't get any fair shots at women or have any powers to protect my family. I feel that I am weak because I'd chosen a pacifist's way. I know that I was in chaos and a mess. Simply put it I did not want peace but vengeance by my own hands back in 2007. That time I was due but my stepfather wanted me to learn peace. People are brave with me because they have muscles and training. How do I become a productive member of my hometown community? Simply through education and training. I cannot even do that because Rosie said to lose a few pounds and I might be able to.

I know that I have no heaven here because I have to suffer the torments. People love me suffering. I know that I don't have any woman right now and I'm really lonely, romantically speaking. I know that I have been loyal.

The struggles of dating I am not tall, dark and handsome. Like Darren Prosper. I have to deal with what I was taught and got. No sports skills and no survival skills or anything. My life have been learning my weaknesses and learning how sports have more women than God knows what. I know that I'm the Unattractive one and I know that I don't have any bitches on my phone. 

I don't fit any criteria or checklist for sanity or hypergamy. I don't have any house, car, career and economic resources. I have no women or have any sports. Music seems to be something. But I know that I don't have any talents in music. 

Kendra and Darren probably have more body counts than me. Torments of my past have haunted me since she was here. I don't like this torment because I got nothing. I am a genuine loser or lower class kind of guy. I know that I don't have any passions or hobbies. I write poetry but it's weak. I don't have any respect for those two or others that don't click with me. I know that the Eskasoni ladies that wanted me alone have hated me because I am an nerd. 

The struggles of dating is that I'm hated and in every woman's friend zone. I know that I'm not happy because I am romantically lonely. Feeling like I never had much women in my life I know that women don't like me because of what I said. I know that women are opportunistic because I know that Kendra got to know me on here. Said no thank you. And put me in the friend zone. 

I know that I'm not happy where I'm at because it's torments constantly. I know that I don't know the reason why I'm repulsive or scare them or repel them. I know that my struggles of dating is that I don't have anything attractive because I don't fit any criteria or checklist for hypergamy. 

I had something of a good life back in Eskasoni. I needed a few good fucks because I know that people don't want me enjoying myself. Originally from Eskasoni I know that a hell can become a healthy heaven. I should've had my greatest triumphant recovery story on my old apartment. I know that I haven't attract enough women in my life. 

I know that I'm left alone and I'm wary. I know that people don't give two fucks about me holistically and wholistically speaking. I know that my cousins would set me up with a sex doll then to let me have a woman. Because I'm here I'm excluded from reality. And I cannot get laid because I know that no lady in her right mind would want me. That's just facts because I got nobody on my phone. I got no boots calls or anything. 

I am something like caught in a trap. I know that I need to be around here. Feeling like I got no choices with Kendra so I have to look elsewhere. I cannot build a dream with her because she's Mawita'mk staff. And there isn't any fraternizing with clients. I know that's the same with dialysis too. I cannot look for love there no matter how I feel. So I know that I want to move because I know that I'm stuck the way I am. I cannot bring any ladies here because no lady in her right mind would want to come here. Plus the management hasn't said nothing to that effect. I know that I'm lonely, stuck here and tormented. There is fraternizing amongst each other but I cannot have a date with anyone here. 

I know that I have to be inform because that's how I work. I know that I don't have any respect because of toxic cultures and society. I know that I don't read too well or have any workethic for the ladies. In fact I haven't experienced any form of work for the ladies. I am an simple man and that's what my stepfather taught me. I know that I get no chances because I am that kind of loser. Losing out on opportunities.