When Love Isn't Good Enough

Reading and Researching about types of relationship, types of addiction, toxic cultures and types of love. I want that book The Myth of Normal. And that eBook The Psychology of Prejudice and Discrimination. I know that these two powerful book and eBook could add well to my collection of books, eBooks and audiobooks. Women aren't that hard to figure out. Yes they are emotional creatures but so am I. I should have emotional literacy and emotional intelligence to figure something out. I know that I don't have any attractive qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles.

I have Dr. John Gottman's works and I know that I have been living here trying to get laid. I'm lost in ways of my dignity and memories. Bur I think I could find my own way and I know that I had sex partners before but I know that it wasn't me. I know that types of relationship could have a serious impact.

Serious impact on quality of relationship, construct of relationship and the integrity of a relationship. What does it mean to have the passion of a warrior but an intellect of a modern scholar? What does it mean to be a scholar and a warrior? How do I balance those two professions in my head? My love isn't enough and I know that I've been unattractive before in someone's eyes. I know that I couldn't see what horrible person I was. Hypersexuality has affected my insecurities to the extreme and I took a leap off the dark end. I had to lean into my mistakes and failures of a person. I'm learning healthy relationships like healthy friendships and family.

I know that I've been learning from Dr. John Gottman about relationships, bidding, women, types of love, types of relationship, construct and quality of relationship. I'm learning about toxic culture from Dr. Matè.

What deep psychological insights and knowledge they have to report to the public? What necessary knowledge do they have with these books and audiobooks? And what are they trying to say about the public? I know that the relationship paradigms have changed in Canada. I know that people don't want children and healing. I know that culturally speaking the relationship paradigms where meaning, value and significance comes in the mind and body. And the health benefits of a relationship can have. I know that good relationship are hard to come by. The toxicity in both America and Canada have increased over the years that the addictions and pandemic started.

Toxic people have made the toxic culture. Culture is arts, social customs, social institutions, accomplishments, mannerisms and other manifestations of a nation or group or organization.

I know that I've been an example of being heart-broken. Feeling like I don't want to deal with certain individuals in my life. I know that the discourse in power will not grant me that. 

And I have dated girls that I haven't known their music or taste in it. Having knowing my own taste they would rather know it to control it. So I need a rocker chick who knows what I know. Opeth, Tool, Metallica, Godsmack, Nothingface, Ill Niño, System of a Down, A Perfect Circle, Megadeth, Dio, Pantera, Soulfly, Blue October. My musicology is Heavy Metal evolution. And I know that there is Ghost, Meshuggah, Mushroom Head, I Mother Earth, Black Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne, Police, Genesis, Linkin Park, Static X, Lacuna Coil, Nightwish, Cradle of Filth, Sepultura, Flybanger, Lamb of God, Avenged Sevenfold, Slipknot.

Just to name a few. I know that I have a good head on my shoulder.

Relationships forms the essence of a person and what does that say about me? How could I avoid another dependency? Machine head too. I know that's just a few to name. There's Korn, Arch Enemy, Rammstein, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Alexisonfire, Sevendust, Trivium, Disturbed, The Verve, Bad Wolf. I feel that toxic culture is a wasteful sickness that everyone has and I cannot get laid. Feeling like I don't have any connections to women or jobs or school. I know that I need to live my life by myself. I'm unwanted here and it'd kind of toxic to stay here. I know that I'm the Unattractive one here and I know that I don't fit any criteria or checklist. So I might as well go home.

Too much toxicity and sicknesses in this life to consider me. Torments of my past has haunted me too long. I don't want any surprises or anything like that. I know that I'm something of a criminal element.

But I know that I'm not engaging any women I would want because I don't have that kind of knowledge. The toxicity or wasteful sicknesses in Canada is where such negativity is because of a broken-heart. I am familiar with rejections, pains and the heart being smashed into a million pieces. I know that I wasn't let to my nature because I was caught in a way to cope with it. 

Musicotherapy was my therapy. And I know that I did not have any special accessibility to fucking then. People stopped me from running with the other kids. I was sheltered, deprived and cheated out of my youth because everyone loved picking on me. That's because I was a small guy in a toxic culture.

I was beaten, abused and lost in that toxic culture when I was a child addict. Learning how Intergenerational trauma can affect me I'd learned about emotional transference.

I'd learned about an healthy ego. I'd learned to work on myself through the years and reap the benefits and rewards of learning about my own relationship in my family. The state of being connected emotionally, culturally, familially, psycho-spiritually and religiously to my family. I know that Intergenerational Trauma has affected me in many ways and I had to recovery from different angles and perspectives. The state Where I'd connected during Christmas was the best time of my life. 

I know that next year would've been good. I know that the abuses that these ladies suffered and went through. The loneliness and sheltered life.

I know that she didn't learn about generational knowledge because whoever was abusing her was not granting Kendra any access to knowledge. Epistemologically speaking my story and my origin of my knowledge is where I should be explorative.

Maybe I could live like this. I love and care but I don't care for her. I don't want to because of Mawita'mk Society. I want to stop this torment when I can. I know that relationship shapes who I am. And this isn't a good relationship because she keeps putting the jealousy back there. Feeling like psycho-sexually I cannot satisfy myself because of Mawita'mk Society. I know that I never was independent enough to defend myself against Rosie or Darren or Kendra. Feeling like I have to have my own place because I don't want this to continue. 

Darren could have whatever he wants but I know that I want my own place in Eskasoni. Take me off your worry list and keep me in your heart. But don't torment me emotionally. I know that I never was invited because I was a child addict with a stepfather who never wanted me to gain any skills. Feeling like everything is overwhelming.

I want my independence and freedom to fuck. I want to live my life in Eskasoni where I could get laid and have my life together there. When love isn't enough because of a toxic culture. I know that I need to soothe fears and worries. I know that my powers isn't real powers and I don't have any influences over my own mind to help people's fears and worries. A different kind of pain and torment is to keep this jealousy that is pointless and useless. Because my stepfather has taken away my ability to counsel. I know that I never was jealous before that night at the movies. A toxic culture cannot see me because of the inflation rate and economic situations.

I know that I don't feel any special connections or ties here because of certain damages I've received. Thirteen years living here and now I think I will have better luck outside of Mawita'mk Society's care.

Yes, there is different meals every day. And I know that I don't have my health perfect or better. Being an experienced Indigenous descendant bachelor I know that I could create a better life outside of Mawita'mk Society's care because I could add sex to my life. I don't want to have sex because it's obligatory but rather it's fun. I know that I have lived ideally here for thirteen years. Feeling happy with how far I've gotten with my life being enrichen with Mawita'mk Society's level of care and love. If it eases their worry I would keep in contact with them.

They could monitor my progress inside of Mawita'mk Society through Facebook. I know that I never was attractive enough but somehow I made it work in Eskasoni. The potentialities of living in Eskasoni would be exponential. It's up to me rather I want to move or stay. But where would will I go? How will I sustain a transportation?

How will I sustain myself with clothes, shoes, coats and hats? Who would buy my Christmas presents and take me to Eskasoni to see my biological mother's grave? I'm closer to my mother here and plus I have a closet and reliable transportation, trustworthy people and a level of comfort and trust. Here I have three meals a day and they are different meals every day and night. Here I've graduated from NSCC ALP program and NSCC Construction Trades Labor program. I got my Beginner's license through We'koqma'q Adult Essential Skills program and I'd graduated from Naloxone program and Unama'ki Driving School.

I need a Heroine to come and save me from these country girls and a bipolar pop drama queen. I know that I need a rocker chick who is a Generation X and have that kind of feral confidence. So that way I could be comfortable again. 

Love Isn't Good because of such toxic people who abuses good women and good men. There isn't any laws against such domestic or romantic abuses because the law hasn't acknowledged emotional intelligence. I know that emotional maturity isn't their psychological insights. 

Ah! I'm just lonely and missing the freedom I used to have to get women. I don't need a good relationship, I need a good woman to fuck. I'm looking for a good vibrations and a good excitations. I know that I never had any smartphone when I was getting fucked. 

My opinion on relationship have changed. Having a relationship and bringing a new child into this world isn't what I want because of the murderers, rapists and child molesters. The Bible needs to address these topics. And I know that I am a family man, I don't think everyone wants me to have an honest and loyal relationship. 

Then again I cannot fight an army but I know that I could train to fight hard. I haven't any relationship experiences. And I know that with all the toxic culture, unhealthy sex and increasing amount of cheaters and abusers. I know that relationship requires good listening and doing what I need to. 

What are my take-aways with The Myth of Normal? We need a lot of healing and traditional practices. Mi'kmaq and First Nations have been trying to heal the nation, added professionals and traditionalists I know there is Two-Eye Seeing philosophy. I know that with this philosophy we can cover more systems of treatments and healing. Work together with the common goals of helping others out. And maintaining a healthy relationships among others. 

Love is a questionable thing because of such toxic people and unwillingness to learn, heal and recover from a broken heart. That's been something difficult because the first heart break is the deepest pain. And healing from that kind of wasteful sickness is how people with toxicity can try to overcome it. I've done shit I wish I didn't do. And looking for love in all the wrong places. I know that toxic hypersexuality is damaging and wasteful. 

In this life you have to become healthy with the mental health literature out there. If you don't know then why not figure and read? There is deep psychological insights and works that have value, meaning and significance attached to it. Having learning DBT, Dr. John Gottman's works, Dr. Philip Zimbardo's works, Dr. Gabor Matè. Works like this is invaluable and priceless. Should-learn kind of things. 

A relationship has health benefits that are great. Less loneliness can make me have communication skills greater than my cousins, aunts, uncles and family and friends. A relationship could increase longevity and bring me closer through Dr.John Gottman's works. Being inspired sexually I know that I'm an experienced Indigenous descendant bachelor who has health in professional and traditional knowledge. Epistemologically speaking Two-Eye Seeing philosophy is a recent one that has benefits for greater uses and practices. 

A relationship, especially a romantic one can help me in reducing my stress, help me in being self-discipline, routine-building skills could support each other. Life skills and taking pride in a supportive relationship can have affect on the quality of a relationship. Having someone there with ya to practice certain relationship skills and trust-building exercises. Having better listening skills and get to actually have sex. Intimacy and respect exercises with someone. Empathy better and a good understanding and compassionate comprehension. 

All this relationship psychology and knowledge is there and I can use it for the betterments of my romantic relationship. And have boundaries, respect and intimacy exercises a long with physical fitness goals and walking schedule. I get to have a schedule with someone. 

There is tons of psychological works where they focus on females and ladies. Being a Native Child I know that my nerdy little ass knows that other people have experienced a relationship at least once in their lives. Me? I just had sex and left. I didn't trust anyone of them. Feeling trapped and stuck with my own loneliness. I know that I had relationship opportunities galore. 

Mostly in my life I've been rejected and put aside. But I had my fair shares of sex partners and not too much. I know that I did not fit any criteria or checklist for a compatible partner. And the women I have been with didn't really wanted me. Feeling unattractive and used I know that women were opportunistic and favoristic. Feeling like I don't have any attractive qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles. I know that I don't have any relationship experiences in my life because I did not have any relationship knowledge.

It makes a difference with knowing and unknowing. Feeling like I don't have any relationship experiences and little relationship knowledge, I have to keep on learning about opportunities in Dr. John Gottman's works. That's been the attraction to have a possible relationship. 

Men value purity in a woman. And since that's close to impossible I know that there is loyalty they could try with me by reading Dr. John Gottman's works. I know that toxic people want to ruin everything because of a broken heart. Me? I had my parents to help me out with learning to get over my heartache. Feeling appreciative and less evil, I know that I loved and valued my family. 

I could see myself in my bedroom where I am tired and lazy. I want to live my life in We'koqma'q community without Mawita'mk Society's care. But the power of love have learned and studied mental health. There is books, eBooks and audiobooks. 

I've dated a older woman who likes 90s pop music. I know that I've never had any relationship experiences but I know that the correct thinking can come by itself. I know that Kendra means well but I don't want to interfere with her life. Then again knowing her as a friend means getting to know her. I'm proud of my relationships even though they aren't romantic or sexual.