Extreme Ways

I never was something. I was this troublesome kid who nobody wanted to leave behind. I know that extreme ways of abstracting information wasn't working because I've been in Adult Situational Extreme Ways. I know that I had to open up but I didn't because I've been abusive. Hypersexuality is an addiction and I've been introduced to the world of addictions. Kids being in Adult Situations and having a good hyper-violence after it. Without the understanding I'd enjoyed the hyper-violence. I was a hyper-independent child and extreme ways I know, I know that I've been in extreme places. I never opened up anything and I was flowing with extreme violence versus hyper-violence.

But my stepfather saved me from the depths of hell and turned my little hell into a changed heaven. Self-starting and taking the initiatives are something that I used to do.

Been thinking about the endless possibilities, opportunities and potentialities of my life if I had a second transplant kidney. I could get my full driver's license, get a job with Rosie's approval, have my fitness in tiptop shape and go for my NSCC and CBU programs. I could probably have my own place again. I could attend universities or community colleges. I know that I've been living at Mawita'mk Society for 13 years and not focused on my physical health. I have a level of education and employability, job experience and driving experience. I have been happy here, its just that they haven't accounted for romantic loneliness, boredom and homesickness. I am not even in any relationship and I get jealous of the loving that certain people received.

I love Mawita'mk Society but that ain't gonna be my forever home. I want to build a good family, have credentials, have incomes and jobs.

I know that I don't have to deal with certain individuals because I am simply stuck here. I know that I can look for a good woman and a good house. It was pointless jealousy until I'd figured that I'm not in any relationship with this chick. And she could enjoy any man because I don't simply care for her. I just want to move on out of here and continue to live my life in a upward trajectory. I don't care if she has intimate moments with another worker. I know that I don't have to live my life according to feeling pointless jealousy about her. We aren't in any relationship and I don't care for her.

So it's settled. Her sexual conquests or flirtation or anything isn't on my radar. And I have to look for another girl or a bunch of girls. I know that Mawita'mk Society is seriously cramping my style and trying to protect their asset. They don't care for my full wholistic and holistic ways of living.

They haven't accounted for romantic loneliness, Mawita'mk Society that is. I know that I'm nothing to the ladies here and I sense no attraction from them. So I might as well try to get a woman online. Feeling like I don't have any correct thinking. I feel like I'm lost and don't have any respect for living my life in Eskasoni. It seems like there is something I cannot account for or not thinking of. 

Hopefully I can get the workload of my disabilities and self-care, have a good routine in place. And hopefully squeeze a few driving hours in. I hope if I am going to move. But I know that I'm on my mother's worrylist anymore. Well I'm lonely, bored and homesicken. I know that I've been through hell.

I know that I had extreme changes when I wanted the simple fucking. Knowing that I'm not that communicative, attractive or independent, I feel kind of trapped here.

I know that I don't have anything attractive because I am that kind of loser. Well I'm educated and professionally and formally trained but that means shit if I'm doing nothing. I know that I have things safe on my own. I know that I could put away things and have it safe on my own. I know that I don't have to worry about anything on my own. I don't want my old place because I never had anything safe. People always prove the opposite with me and I couldn't keep anything safe before. That's because I'd allowed certain people in. But this time starting over I'm more experienced and knowledgeable. I know that I'm more stable.

Mawita'mk Society have saved my life a couple times. I know that I'm still learning about relationships, building a good routine and having emotional intelligence enough to tell certain things. I know that I want to move on out of here and continue with routines.

But if I start taking the list of initiatives at Mawita'mk Society they might consider my release. I know that I have to work at eating the Renal Diet on my own, start exercising on my own. Bathing and brushing my teeth more. If I start making healthier choices and habits I might be able to move on out of here. I know that I'm motivated to move out of here and get my own place. I don't want to be on anyone's worrylist so that means I got to shapen up. I know that Darren is serious about my health and motivated to help out anyway. To get out of Mawita'mk Society I got to get with the program of healthier choices and a good deal of fitness. He does motivate me but the temptation is overwhelming. Food and drinks are my one weakness.

A life-changer, I have to do a life-change and work with Mawita'mk Society instead of have this advsarial attitude. That's how I used to make my marks.

And I know that I was schemed off of, ripped off of and had a good deal of hyper-independence, traumas and illnesses. A toxicity is something to ignore. And having emotional and moral support in choosing the right choices. I don't have any powers to stop certain people from flirting in front of me. But I got powers over my own brain to not get involved. I know that I'm nothing to the ladies here and I know that I'm still growing in my physical fitness. I know that I'm still want to leave this place and build a good life in Eskasoni. Feeling like I've never had any relationship experiences or bitches. I know that I'm nothing ta the ladies here because they are country girls.

My anger never gets respect because I am thatkinf of small guy. I know that I'm angry because... well its pointless jealousy. And I'm in no relationship right now. So I could move anywhere I want.

I know that I'm nothing to these ladies because I'm a client. I have no resources or any life skills to demonstrate. These workers are so self-absorbed into their worlds that I cannot have any proof or truth to my name. 

Why should I allowed such wrecklessness to go into my world? I need to be this kid who is on his own and hopefully can live in Eskasoni. I know that I want to move back home because I don't have any charms or delights, I am an angry little nerd who nobody cares about. They make me the brunt of the jokes at Mawita'mk Society and I cannot do anything about it. I want to get out of here because they pretend to love but really they are self-absorbed into their world.

I know that there is anti-franternization policies in place and I know that I cannot have any women I want. So I have to get a women online and hopefully move on out if here. I have no proof of my independence.

And they keep shooting me down because I don't have any other choices but to get what they are getting at. I know that I have no powers here because I am nothing to these people. Why do they love? Because they don't have to live with me. That's why. They could go on vacations and other places that they've worked for and I cannot escape for any precious minutes or a day to my stepfather's place. Billie Jean is taking her sweet time with Public Mobile. A culture of anti-franternization policies could lead to a more productive and supporting relationship. If the relationship is kept in a good way. I don't get any attractive qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height because I am this short, ugly and broke man who cannot get laid.

Or pay off the phone bill he has. I cannot even afford a car let alone take care of a house. I know that I don't want to be here.

Well because one of them isn't really professional. I know that I never had any respectability in this place. And my powers are limited to the idea that I have to keep quiet. I know that I don't have any attractive qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height. I have no money or vacation pics or anything. I am alone and trapped here because I cannot seem to take care of myself. I got yelled at for not following my renal diet and everyone is keeping secrets. I'm schizophrenic so I cannot have a stable routine or take good care of myself. And that's ableism.

I know that I don't have any bravery to take that first step. My stepfather held me back all those years its starting to seep into my adulthood. Having knowing that my stepfather and stepmother held me back all those years. I know it was Curly behind it.

I know that I was motivated and determined,  focused and ready to do what I needed to do to get the hell out of here. They've should've capitalized on that kind of mentality long ago and kept me thriving. I know that I don't want to live here anymore because they've personalized in a way where I have to see, hear and sense their dalliance. I don't think they make good workers if they are fucking all the time in bedroom, bathrooms and in secret. I know that I don't want to deal with those kinds of workers. Who need intimate moments all the time. Despite what they've said I still want to get the hell out of here because everyone doesn't want to be held accountable.

I know that Darren hasn't put in the right attitude about his job. He doesn't know Therapeutic Recreation. He doesn't know anything therapeutic. I know that I cannot process feelings around him.

And I don't have definitely any house, truck or anything like that. I have no sound mind to put up an argument to live by myself. I have no powers to escape here. I have no family supporting me. I know that I have no resources with family. I know that I'm still growing and learning. I don't want to be because it seems that all the workers do is clean this frickin' place. They cook, they clean, they support when their ableism serves them well. I know that I cannot take good care of myself because I got no energy from the food and drinks. Suffering is how I can test my ability to discipline my mind into focusing on my health. Suffering brings meaning if you're really up for the work.

If you don't want to exercise, which isn't that pleasant in the first place. I found movements to be the starter movements and then I go into this focus which I can sustain for a good while.

Suffering builds character and character is mental or moral qualities distinctive of an individual. How much you do suffer you become that strength. In fitness you undergo suffering the physical pains and keep going. The more you suffer the more you build character. Through the deepening of physical pains we find out how much we can endure. I know that the more I keep trying from setbacks, the more I have opportunities to learn and grow. The more I can earned everything I need in my life.

I could learn business, psychology and addictions. I know that I have been learning about hypersexuality, other addictions and discriminations. Slut is a word that have been in dispute. What makes a woman skilled in bed is what stigmatized and stereotyped words like slut can have an negative effect. A growing attitude is having to thrive on challenges, learn from your past.

And build resilience or bounce back abilities from setbacks, failures and missed opportunities. Every opportunity is a learning opportunity from the past. Don't trust step family when it comes personal things. Don't have any sentimental value on anyone or anything. But my stepfather held me back from everything online. The ugliness I have for this kind of jealousy is pointless. I know that I cannot get the girl so why bother? I think it's the idea that I'm in love with. The idea that she isn't available and I couldn't stop her from leaving my apartment.

Why should she have me when I have no full-time employment experience? When I don't have any car or place of my own? When a woman could enjoy me thoroughly and I could enjoy my companies. I know that I'm not loved the way I need it to be. And I know that I cannot cross that boundary. People would get fired.

Extreme ways of passion and love. I know that I was broken hearted a few times. No gentle shit like the ones I have now. Because of anti-franternization policies I have to go without love and belonging. I know that extreme ways of thinking and feeling. I know that I got forbearance and composure. I think I have some kind of charms but I'm unsured. 

Maybe I have such extreme ways that I have prejudicial pettiness. I cannot discriminate the difference between normalcy and feeling it out with prejudice? Maybe I have to go back home to find those things. Maybe I could go back and follow my roots. 

Am I being lulled into a false passivity, physically languishing and enervated comfort? No, I have to get active and work on my mind much as I can with my body and eating habits. The same deals of heaven becoming a hell and then a hell becoming a heaven? Is that something that I want for the rest of my life? Is there any deeper meaning to our ontological perspective and what we call normal? We perceive reality but that's an narrow scope to what the sciences, medicine and philosophy has to offer. We are relating knowledge and connecting the dots with already known scientific papers have said. Our cultural ontological perspective is that, on a human familial scale, is narrow with sciences and philosophy and medicine. 

I have to be aware of that evil perspective. What we consider evil isn't always that. The acts of violence is evil but the people are easy to criticized in ways of having such heavy prejudice against a people, a person, a thing or simply hate people or a person. It's easy to fall into the helpless category and say that you don't have any choices. Lack of choices are a lack of the imagination. What we can create is based on a lie and what are lies? 

I cannot change the mind of this one chick because I am disabled. I know there is anti-franternization policies that is protecting her and I know that I cannot touch her. I don't have any attractive qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height. I am this little guy who cannot escape his hell and turned my little hell into a heaven. I want to get the hell out of here because I need love. I know that I'm nothing to these ladies here and continuing to feel this way would be detrimental. I don't want these feelings and I hate this chick for all that. 

I know that I was taught that I couldn't think for myself. I had to go with the flow in ways and those where extreme ways. I have to escape Mawita'mk Society because I am starting to hate this place. For what it represents about my abilities and self-faith and self-trust. The myths of normalcy I'd what we have to grappled with, a fantasy of the mind can conjure up plenty of situations where love can prevail. But what is normal to one person is hell to another. I have to move because I am willing to hate and get angry easily. I know that the idea that Mawita'mk Society is normal isn't what I want for me. Everyone here seems to think for me and have no idea what I'm capable of because I haven't showed them.