Take Pride in My Mawita'mk Membership

I have to take pride in being a Mawita'mk Member because my membership can be used in every aspect of my life. Fitness support, academic and life skills support, and other supports. I know that I have take pride in my Mawita'mk Membership. Because the independence is taking a list of initiatives at Mawita'mk Society and showing them a positive changes in my life. Taking pride in my Mawita'mk Membership is having family values and beliefs in my mind, thinking right and having the strong beliefs of justice, social justice, emotional justice and righteousness.

My musicology or the evolution of my musicology started with my biological mother and stepfather. Who had been abused and in Indian Day Schools. She knew that if you wanted something done, you had choices. 

And in that I recognized powerstruggles and the good influence of my biological mother.
I know that I needed her influences and power over me. I always recognize racist powerstruggles and ageist powerstruggles. I know that I've been treated with a tint of racism and ageism. And the idea that hypergamic "good boy" is something too. I'm always thinking I need to suffer for beauty in my life. I'm always thinking that there is some kind of earning and I have to do it. It's funny how trauma works, makes you think this is some form of punishment. I know that I never had any respect enough to live my life and have a good life. I know that addicts are common these days and I don't have any strength to fight an army of them.

I know that I have been traumatized and in that I was close to death than I ever would. I know that trauma has been something of a study. I know that now I'm happy that I have Mawita'mk Society and family in my life. Having knowing my family beliefs and values.
I know that philosophy of it has been good. 

We've been open-minded and intellectual with a dictionary. I know that is how we used to increase our vocabulary. Through a dictionary of words and definitions. What can be used as a weapon can have devastating consequences and effects. What we normalize is what we have to see beyond our reality. And work on traumas and toxicity. I know that normal is something of a myth and have to be emotionally intelligent creatures modulating our own woundedness. People that never let go wants the damages to be normal. Lies after lies and cheating me out of my youth opportunities. I know that I don't have any respect to live my life because people keep doing stuff to my mind. I don't mind certain people but the people that bend the truth to their liking. They don't want me to emotionally regulate myself because they want me cheated out of my youth emotions. They always wanted me to deny.

I know that I've been learning anger management from my stepfather and stepmother. I know that I had a bunch of good coping moments. I know that I had a lot of happy moments with Chapel Island, Paq'tnkek, Eskasoni and We'koqma'q. I am not making this place my forever home because I want children and growing. I want to be this guy who has a good woman and have a good house. If I can I would have a woman by my side and enjoy her company. If she has a kid I would enjoy it right. I hope that I could get something going. But taking pride in my Mawita'mk Membership is doing all I need to do at Mawita'mk Society and keep working and continue on this lifelong fitness and chores job-related life skills. I know that I love and care about Mawita'mk Society. I don't want to take them out of the equation and I want to incorporate all their teachings, influences and understanding of my own personal development.

I know that I've managed my anger and soon oppressed it because of certain damages. I know that I was in a precarious position through my stepfather. Dealing with child addicts myself and telling them that life is better sober. I know that I needed to see some changes because racism was keeping us on the community. Growing personally accustomed to living on the First Nation communities I know that racist didn't have any understanding of Native people. I know that I couldn't really get work and paying for rent was a hassle. I have life experience in living on my own and having apartments and everything. I know that racist people don't want me to thrive or succeed. I've faced racism on my own.

I used to live in Sydney, Cornallis Street which was the most racist name and racist areas of Sydney. I know that I didn't have respect for living a good life.

And Sydney is racist because Cape Breton wasn't really aware of Mi'kmaq history back then, the Treaties and Acts wasn't acknowledged. I know that racism still wants powerstruggles. Practically Nova Scotia has some racism more than others. I know that I had to deal with scheming Racists that wanted me to suffer. Humiliations have come and I know that I don't have any powers to stop them. I won't stay where I was welcomed and safe. Thefts, larcenies and conniving and stealing rip-off artists. The confidence game was the image of honesty.

The way Racists work is through a class warfare, sex battles, discriminations based on age, identity, culture, race, nationality, sex and disability, status and work experience. I know that I've been through many weight changes, hells and agonies. I know that I had to keep my head up. Because everyone was at me.
I know that rare moments where I had peace was granted because the addicts where tired. 

I know that I'd enjoyed that peace. Who am I if trauma pervades this Mi'kmaq culture? Who am I to take a stance against corruption and abuses in my hometown community? The toxicity or wasteful and hateful emotional sicknesses that this culture has is a study on the human family culture. Who am I to find love, work with my own self-respect and who to have loyalty with? The critique of a society or thr human culture is something that has been partly of my life. I am reading Dr. Gabor Matè's work and learning how to speak about my experience in First Nation communities.

Healing is necessary to do if we are to survive in this cultural human family. I am unimportant to this world and I have nothing but examinations to guide me. I am one coping person.

I know that I am learning about Dialectal Behavioral Therapy. Who am I to make progress in my own life? That's basically what they are saying with all this trauma. It's the underpinning of what they are saying when they traumatize. I know that I have been learning from Indigenous descendants and others that my life is meaningless unless I'm in paper. I wasn't working and going on vacations. I know that socioeconomic realities that I should've had was nothing but prejudice. Classism or Indigenous Class Warfare instead of fair hiring practices is what I couldn't exercised. Currency chasing and stuck because Rob Shipley wanted me dependent on Eskasoni Welfare and him.

I know that I never had any relationship experiences because of hypergamy. The driving reasons why I couldn't get any bitches. I know that I never had any chances because the step family.

They all wanted me controlled and patrolled where I was stuck in a group home. I had to face Indigenous classism, Racist's classism and ageism and sexism through misandry and hypergamy. I know that I never had any relationship experiences or freedom because my stepfather didn't want me thriving. He held me back and don't want to take responsibility for all that. I'd wasted my years in Eskasoni and I couldn't really pay my dues because I did not have any careers during my first kidney years. Rob Shipley wouldn't allowed that and I know that I couldn't exercise and work. I know that I did not have any chances to have a fulfilling life in Eskasoni because my stepfather stopped me in every aspect of my life.

He would call it love. I know that I had enemies that were my bullies. I had to bully back and keep on working. I know that my family didn't care for me.

They don't want me driving. They want me held back and my uncles don't trust me with my own car. I know that the older I get, the less reasons to live. People keep holding me back. Including my uncles. I know that I never had any vacations in my life. Using my emotions for motivation I know that people keep holding me back. They don't want to listen to me. Nobody does because I'm that boring. I have been held back all my life and I cannot control my treatments or anything. I know that I have a level of education and employability but that don't mean shit if I'm not using it. I'm 37 years old and almost forty. 

And I don't have any attractive qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height. Or I don't have any house, driveway, car or truck, career or success.

I'm trying to get the hell out of Mawita'mk Society because it isn't my forever home. My family don't believe in me anymore.

My family don't care as long as they feel better. I don't care if they aren't telling me whatever. I hate not finding out so I have to face my demons. I know that I hate being controlled and patrolled by older people and younger people and anyone. I hate the fact that I'm being monitored and managed because everyone has an opinion about my life. No! I don't want a repeat of malnourishment. And no! I don't want to stay here but I could wait. I know that everyone wants to connect with me and that's not the way I usually connect.

Earth is suffering. And I don't think Star Trek kind of life isn't going to be reached. I hope that I could live in my own place without Mawita'mk Society's care. I know that old motivation isn't supporting my foundation of why I came here anymore. That was my pillars of community interactions. I know there is work needed.

We aren't reacting to what is needed out of us. Our earth is suffering and needing our stewardship of this Earth. But first the traumas, illnesses and addictions and toxic culture. I know that we talk about addictions but don't do anything about it. I say that we got to fix our issues and manage our losses better. I know that environmental problems, family deaths and personal issues have been in the mix. And I know that I don't have the correct thinking with certain workers. I hope that I could learn from YouTube, doctors and books. People wonder what will happen if we let this world continue to deteriorate. I know that we are trying to heal and use our stewardship. A multitasking feat if I didn't see what my hometown community is doing.

I'm happy, I'm healed, I just need to work on my physicality and relationship knowledge. Hopefully I can get used of a good relationship because I have some experience.

The ontological perspectives of heaven and hell, good and evil, bad and right. I know that I've been through many stages of my life and in that I had to make my own comfort. I know that I was learning about the realities of heaven and hell, good and evil, bad and doing it right. Throughout my life I've been an off-again and on-again addict that has psychological insights and Indigenous descendant bachelor experiences. The critique of my own experience will be difficult because I had so much traumatic experiences. 

I know that I never was normal and I was always oppressed, suppressed and repressed by my parents. Feeling like I've been forbidden to have a good emotional process. I know that I was somebody's property and I couldn't keep anything safe. My stepfather taught me to do certain things out of ageism. Like head for trauma because of his beliefs in punishment. Well not my stepfather but the older gentleman that wanted to beat me. 

I did not have any chances to defend myself because my stepfather wanted me to suffer because it builds character. Through a toxic culture we have been punishing people left and right. Throughout my life I've been rejected, accepted, beaten, battered and bruised. Been safe and peaceful. I did not have any protection instantly.