Take Pride in Walking and Doing Fitness

I used to take pride in my walking and fitness. Well actually I still do because I know that I have walked long ways. I know that I've been living here for thirteen years and got my level of education and employability. I could use that in Eskasoni but I know that I'm still on dialysis. I'm eating properly because of Shauna and Jennifer. But I know that she lifts their work performance up. I know that Shauna gets angry, she is doing it for a good reason. I was traumatized and trying to heal back in my 2007 years. I couldn't express any love or affection. I needed some loving and I  know that I wasted most of my summer doing pop bottles and odd jobs around the community of family.

I couldn't express love, affection or any other caring because I was suffering greatly. I know that I couldn't really enjoy sex because I fid have traumas. Now? I don't even have any sex because I'm stuck here.

I don't want a repeat because when I was making love all I could think of was violence. I don't trust myself repeating something like that again. Even now I feel that I had abused and harmed. I remember those nights but I feel that I had been abusive. Hypersexuality and violence go hand in hand. The passion of the criminalities I thought of was intense and I couldn't really pictured myself making love. I know that now I have made love but my memories are so intense that I don't know who I made love to. I couldn't really trust myself because I had such violent thoughts and feelings. Now? I'm alright and hopefully I haven't harmed anyone.

That's when I had absolutely nothing in my life. I had no Playstation console, video games. I just had a good enough radio and a TV. I know that I couldn't really enjoy myself in my own apartment because I was in hell. I wanted to transform that place into a heaven.

I wanted my apartment to change into a homey little apartment heaven that I could call home. Have my picture frames and Certifications and diploma hanging on my walls. Have a flat-screen TV hanging on my wall. I know that I could order and change my address to my apartment. But I'd missed that opportunity because I was traumatized and hurting. I know that I have to be aware who I let in. I remember the violence I had in me and I don't know who I did. These memories are coming back slowly. I don't think I've been stable for a long time. I don't want to repeat that malnourishment period at Leonard Paul's apartment building. I know that people didn't give a damn about me.

When I moved here I was 25 years old in 2010. Had no formal education done, had couple of job experiences. And wanted to keep productive and active in my schooling. So I moved here, got settled in.

And started to work on my formal education and training. But when I had that summer I know that, that was the happiest time I was. I know that I wanted to form a relationship but did not possess the knowledge of keeping a relationship going. I was hypersexual, addicted to certain things and smoking cigarettes. I know that I did not have any story to tell or any woman to feel comfortable with. 

But after I'd moved I gotten my ALP diploma, got my trade and Driving Certificate. I got my Beginner's license but now I need to renew it. 

Having nothing attractive I know that I need to work on my fitness goals for ladies, health reasons and to be more happy with myself.

I wanted to get closer to this one chick. She was young and I wanted to say that I love her. I know that I had a bunch of reasons to keep her in my life. I don't know why she left but I was happy in a way.

I couldn't go into a good relationship while I was violent. I know that I still have some violence but I'm glad that was over and done with. But today is a new day and discovering truths of how love can last. I know that I had past lovers that wanted me for me. I know that I couldn't really enjoy myself with them fully. I know that past is done and I hope that I could forge new relationships. And have my own fitness and walking endurance. I'd walked today and I walked to the Fire Hall.

I know that I've walked before and I know that I needed to walk because I was violent and didn't want that for a good relationship. I know that I have been learning about hypersexuality, relationships, building a routine every day and have a good relationship. I know that is over and done with but I wouldn't mind having my own woman now. Feeling less violent and getting over a memory.

At those times I was on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell. I know that I didn't have any relationship experiences but I had sexual experiences. I know that I needed to relax and become peaceful. I wasn't myself in Eskasoni. It's done and over with and I had a great day with Shauna. I went out for a good walking and I know that I need to escape the house sometimes. I was that kind of bad guy who had moral crises. And learning that I had my own life to lead, I had to forgo any romance because I was violent. All my life I've been running away from love, from a better life and from community. Growing personally accustomed to living here I hope that I could get a good fitness going.

I haven't sacrificed anything. Well today I'd suffered for fitness. And worked off my food. I know that I had a lot of support but no one to do it with but Shauna.

I've been through traumatizations but I never sacrificed anything. My will to live basically it. But I feel that I had no one-night standers. I know that I loved and appreciated my women. But I don't think I have fallen in love with Mawita'mk Society but I value, care and appreciate Mawita'mk Society as a good support system. They need to work on certain things in the organization. I know that I don't want to have this place my forever home. That's reserved for a lover. And I hope that I could build my own place. I know how to build a good shed. Feeling like I've never been in any adult relationship or conversation

I know that I want to escape here because I got no reasons to stay here. I know that I'm loveless and angry. I want to move so that way these two workers could keep flirting with each other. I know that I'm angry because I want love and care from this woman where it could lead to sex.

I shouldn't be getting mad, she don't even want me. Feeling like I've been stuck here and cannot drive home. I know that certain workers hate me enough to do the bare minimum. I know that I don't have any motives to make them look good. I always hoped that I could move on out of here because I feel so strongly about this one worker. I know that I don't have any powers to stop them from flirting with each other. And I hate it because I want her sex. I know that I'm no drunk but I used to drink with Rob Shipley. 

He would send me home kind of buzzing and high. I was the happiest person alive and I could recollect when I was drunk and high.

Here I get to listen to music comfortably with other workers. But these two workers don't want me to choose my feelings. I know that I don't have any attractive qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height. I am that kind of short, ugly nerd.

I haven't really accomplished what I wanted and I know that today I'd walked 9:15 seconds on the treadmill. And hopefully I can keep it up with walking and lifting weights. I know that I used to enjoy fitness in a way. And I know that I had enjoyed walking before. It's March 26th, Sunday and Strombo Show is on CBC radio. Hopefully George didn't abandoned that and left to Apple Music. I know that he has been at CBC radio for a couple of years. From where I'm standing he has been there for a long while.

Anyways I don't know what to do with my current living situation. I want my own place but it seems close to impossible to prove myself at Mawita'mk Society. I know that I want to live independent social life. And I know that I've been through many traumatic experiences. My biological mother being a counselor and me not getting nothing out of that one conversation.

I'm at my dad's today, my stepfather's place and trying to relax here. At my real dad's I could sleep. And I know that jealousy is pointless if you like a girl. She didn't even try to make anything out of it. Having nothing attractive in my life, I know that I need a rocker chick with an open mind. Hopefully I can get my own woman like that online. I know that I have faith in that and I don't have to be tormented by this woman. I know that I'm nothing to the women in We'koqma'q community. But I haven't tried and I know that I don't want any fat chick sitting on my face farting. I know that I want a rocker chick who is honest about her views on Marvel, DC, rock history and other things.

I know that I could talk with women online. But I'll still want to move because I have been here way too long. They want me to be We'koqma'q status. I know that I've been through many hells.

I know that I have it good at Mawita'mk Society. And in that they all want me to stay. But I know that my step family and Mawita'mk Society wants me to be active in walking which I did today. I know that I have everything safe at Mawita'mk Society and this won't be my forever home. I hope to get a girl, a house, make a home, enter my schooling and fitness goals. Have my own walking cardio and calisthenics. I know that I have been living here for thirteen years and no woman wants me at We'koqma'q community. 

I know that I'm in no good graces of ant woman there. And I know that I'm still learning and growing personally accustomed to living there.

I know that if I do get too comfortable I would languish and give up my efforts. Eskasoni provides a good balance with my comfort levels and walking reasons. I know that I don't have any respect for living my life.

That would mean that I have a level of independence and freedom, not victory because that opportunity already passed. But rather make meaning, value and significance out of my fitness. I know that my fear of getting comfortable while like this will get me lazy and languish in Mawita'mk Society. I guess that's the reason to keep walking and exercising. I know what I should do but I know that I have to work at my self-discipline through fitness, the Power of Discipline and Habit. I know that I've been living with walking reasons.

I know that a culture can be something toxic. And in that a person has a hard time growing. I know that I have been a badass and I'd chosen a Catholic pacifist's way of living. I just need a lot of good reasons and a workout buddy. I know that I'm the older brother and I know that I love, value and appreciate my family.

I am visiting now and I'm clearing my head. Getting out of that rut and not driving. I know that I appreciate my sisters for driving. And I know that Billie Jean is helping out. She's putting ao much on it and I know that I love, value, appreciate and care about Mawita'mk Society, family, NSCC and CBU. I know this is my pride in walking and doing fitness. 

Accepting myself as a experienced Indigenous descendant bachelor who has accomplished past in We'koqma'q community. And gonna continue to have a good list of accomplishments in We'koqma'q community. I get job satisfaction out of being an Mawita'mk Assistant and Sales Associate.

I just need the fitness to keep doing the other jobs without being told. I know that if I keep taking initiatives and keep it up at Mawita'mk Society I wouldn't be looked down on. I know that I want to but the thought of hard work enervates me and I have to think positive.

My stepfather and stepmother got me in Mawita'mk Society, they've sacrificed so much of their time helping me in getting home dialysis, a fitness and my first transplant. Outdoors motivates me in walking far and I know that I have to be emotionally intelligent modulating my emotions while walking. I know that I have a lot of reasons that I have to take pride in, and work on my rationale. Because Mawita'mk Society only could support me in so many ways. But Shauna is really supporting me. She should get the big bucks in being the Submanager.

I know right off the bat my support worker Shauna started me back on my renal diet, started to clean my bedroom, made me walk and got me motivated to workout on the treadmill. She did that effortlessly so it seems. I know that I have been in stinking thinking lately and that's why I have been so jealous. I know that Growth Mindset is good.

I need my family because they are way too important for me. I know that I need to save up money for gambling, coffee orders and gas money. I know that family values and beliefs are important to me. They make my home cozy and homey. I know that I'm much more happier with family and Mawita'mk Society. Hopefully they understand that I, too need family. And I know that loneliness goes away.