Domestication (Life Skills versus not learning)

I am a beast in ways. I don't have any home to go to and I don't have any sober friends. Nobody came to visit me while I was here for thirteen years. And I know that I'm not valued, loved and appreciated because I haven't done anything to my friends' lives. I haven't been impactful in any way. I couldn't do much in my life but I know that I've done so much during the thirteen years I have been here. It seems there isn't any prejudice preventing me from reaching my goals. I'm not being foolish, I'm kind of learning from Mawita'mk Society and family about domestication or house and yard life skills. Feeling like I've learned from a rich resources like Mawita'mk Society, family and Schools, Colleges and Universities.

My new normal is graduations from NSCC ALP and NSCC Construction Trades Labor program, Unama'ki Driving School, We'koqma'q Adult Essential Skills Enhancement program and a few others.

I know that I'm goal-oriented and want to develop in my abstract thinking. Feeling like I got a rich life now. I know that I did not lived an easy kind of life but I kept it real simple in my life. I knew that somehow inflation would be on the rise. But I did not know it would be an global event. Having Covid-19 was something. I hated the fact that I couldn't really visit my family. Having been on isolation and having Covid-19. I knew that I couldn't really identified my own body. Back then I had my granny Barbara cutting my hair. 

But at that time there wasn't any barber or Sharp Dressed shops. I know that I couldn't really enjoy my life without a little drinking and smoking up, with tea or coffee and cigarettes.

Eskasoni is my hometown and I know that I am that guy who everyone don't want to help out. Feeling like I was that unkempt nerd who couldn't really enjoy himself.

Yeah I was taught life skills and my life here has been good. But I know it's temporary and I know that I have some professional experience, level of education and employability, and a good ideal support system of a group home. I have to credit Mawita'mk Society with their excellent support system. I know that I want to move because I want to show lifelong my love for myself by cleaning my apartment, organizing it, washing up and cleaning some more. It seems like a lifelong duty where I have to deal with myself on a daily basis. It isn't much to compliment on but having sleep hygiene, body hygiene and cleaning up requires skills and understanding of myself in a book.

Mawita'mk Society straighten out my life and saved me many times in We'koqma'q community. I enjoy We'koqma'q community and I want the best for them. Hopefully I can feel that way with my hometown.

I know that I'm learning what quality of work performance looks like from We'koqma'q One Stop, from Allsteel Coatings Company, from Eskasoni Housing Department and from Mawita'mk Society. I have all these role models in my life and how to be and everything. I know that I have been taught by some kind of wizards of the community. I cannot say their names because there might be something wrong with that. The last time I mentioned a wizard the whole community got mad. Like they understand wizards. 

Everything have changed and kept changing for the better. It had changed because of a few bad apples but I had changed for the better. To clear myself from hypersexuality and build a good relationship with emotional intelligence and empathy.

My life have been struggles and medical issues to traumatizations and humiliations. To recoveries and recuperation.

To having accomplishments like NSCC ALP diploma and trade credential. Getting a few credentials from a few different programs I know that I have a few accomplishments considering what I want to do. I want to earn my own restaurant in Eskasoni somewhere. I know that I want to have apartment on top, restaurant and some farm land. I want the science and physics of cooking in my head. I want the physical fitness for a second transplant kidney. I want a second transplant kidney and full driver's license. I know that's what is waiting for me at the end of my fitness journey.

I know that I'm still growing and learning. I know that I'd learned about global events and global history. I know about native country and their global histories. I know that people aren't interested in what I have to say about traumas and addictions. How brief history of my life have been culturally relevant.

In men's case I am insignificant. Women,  children and dogs get loved unconditionally. And I believe that with all my heart. That's why I don't want to make any connections that's based on certain people. Elders and men are loved if they provide. Women are not traditional and they don't have any education. They get by with their looks or favors. I know that I've been shrugged off too many times by women because I don't have certain attributes, qualities, traits, muscles, status, sports, standards, height, job, car, fitness, martial arts prowess, degree, professional networking, business and personal loyalty. 

Me? I have no idea what relationships for romance requires. I have to study and look at myself. Re-evaluate myself in ways that I could get something out of socialization.

I am weak. I am with a level of late education and employability. I don't have any car but I don't have any sports training.

Regular reading is practicing and figuring out my level of reading comprehension. Word reading and language comprehension and imaging shit have been my own place of hell studies. I know that I was disciplined and practiced mindfulness and clear-mindedness before and I had abstract thinking. But I know that I have to practice active reading because I know that I'm learning. I know that I was figuring shit out because I had experiences. 

My stepfather don't even know shit. I have to make my story online to see what I can do. My stepfather taught me so much and I know that I had to learn from him. My step uncles tried to control me in every way. Their control methods, power tactics, influential strategies and management skills have been grinding on me big time because I was kind of mentally ill. 

Mental health isn't no joke and I have to work on myself. Originally from Eskasoni I know that I could learn.

My family kept me empty-minded and told me how to react. While they pulled off the greatest theft in my life: my childhood. I know that they'd wasted my time. But I ain't going to let that hold me down. All those things I wanted to do I know that my family cheated me out of my youth. I know that everyone gets tired and sick of me. I want to move on out of here building my professional reputation up. 

Generational ontological perspectives won't stop me. I know that people want me to be troublesome when I don't have anything done right. I know that I have to do things the right way and learning that they'd chosen to keep me lockdown.

My step uncles fucked upness beaten me and humiliated me. I know that I don't have any justice or vengeance. I know that I had to be under Morrison family powers. I guess I am a psycho because I cannot get justice or vengeance.

My childhood was filled with drug uses, sex and medical problems. I've overcame because I did not want to be this kid who owed my life to addicts. I know that people never really wanted to know my stories and learning how I was going around, being introduced and exposed to adult-like situations, music and drug uses and alcohol. I know that I did not have any respect then. I was learning the darkness of the community in ways. Disabused me to not talk about my life only means you've done something to me. 

I know that I've been through many mad stages and adult-like situations. Starvation periods and moments of madness. My doctors and parents I knew was my chance for sanity. But I kind of willed myself to sobriety.

But I never was thinking while I was in Eskasoni my life is fucked. I was way too busy for that kind of shit.

I was highly motivated and very determined to do stuff. I knew that I wanted to build a professional reputation of work, recycling and being active. Not stuck in these online mindsets where there isn't any growth mindset. I'd learned verbally and read when I could. The shame of being defeated wasn't holding me back, it was motivating my ass to move and the pain of home invasions kept me determined even more to build a heaven in hell. I knew that people didn't want me to think happy because they wanted to take everything away from me. That's what my dysregulated mind thought because of the mindset of trauma brings.

A growth in my life was making my heaven protected. Having my friends help out would've been a bonus. All I ever experienced from people was cheap and cheat. I know that I could've made my home in my hometown.

Feeling better about my situation because I know that now I've recuperated but haven't recovered yet from mental illness. The recovery models in mental health have been hopeful. I know that I want to believe in those kinds of mental health recovery models. I know that I have been living here for thirteen years and accomplished a lot. I'd learned mindful meditation and down time, I'd learned to process myself and get used of it. Personal development is the tools and personal inner works of self-forgiveness, learning about everything you can, coping skills and mental as well physical health.

While I have a calibre of personal growth from my previous actions. I've recuperated and recovered emotionally from my traumas. But I need to keep that regular reading words and language comprehension building. Hopefully I can get a good vocabulary out of certain books, fitness, pdfs, cardio, eBooks.

Females have been part of my life but I found that I had male role models who have been questionable at best. Understanding works of healthy conventional masculinity versus male abusiveness(True male toxicity). In this toxic and indiscriminate world of addictions, discriminations and hypersexuality I found there is female toxicity too. There is misogyny and there is misandry. Women who abuse men for their sense of power tactics, influential strategies and management is trying to emasculated young males into their culture of pro-feminism where ladies cannot abuse. But there can be a balanced of both cultures through reasonableness, wisdom and conversations. Understanding psychological works like Dr. Gabor Matè and Rollo Tomassi, I feel there could be a culture of reasonable voices and a good deal two alphas working together.

What are you willing to accept and cope with? What you are willing to be reasonable with? I know that people have their victimology and pathology after. I know that pathology is toxicity that is either indiscriminate or discriminating. I know that I was toxic because I had enemies. Bullies that would beat me down and I don't have any older brother to protect me anymore. So I have to be this older brother now. I have to lead the way of goal-oriented successes and accomplishments, achievements and progresses. 

In this lifelong pursuit of learning, growing and developing. I have been enriched by Eskasoni school system, an ideal hometown supportive school system. I've been enriched by family through fashion and confidence learning. I'd learned a inner beauty kind of strength from my older cousins. And I'd learned what was fashionable in ways. What smelled good and what I have been working on. I was taught that muscles where attractive quality and I had plenty of reasoned explanations to workout. I've been enriched with community members and family who have taught me culture, job-related life skills and tradition. Have taught me grammar and linguistics. Have taught me philosophy and psychology. 

They have enriched my life in ways of personal best and great ideas. I know that I was kind of held back from certain things. But I was enriched in ways because everyone thought I would die. Every year I was given a time span of life expectancy. And I was flowing from my life where I wanted to be something. I know how to be a professional landscaper, carpenter(builder), backyard apprentice and a studious student of learning. 

I know that I want to have more reasons to move and motivate myself through growth mindset and a good deal of determination. Staying motivated and determined like I'm in my hometown. I know that I could bring that here and I know that I could build upward. I know that I could bring that old mentality, workethic and dedication to We'koqma'q community life and build my own fitness heaven. Do it much as I can with the right talk to me. And have a bunch of reasons listed to workout.