A Taste of Life in My Hometown, A Taster of Independence from Friends' Eyes

I know that I have a good life in We'koqma'q community but it isn't my hometown. I know that I have a good reputation for being a hard worker in ways of collecting pop bottles for recycling. But that was a small money scheme(work plan for money). I know that I love my life in We'koqma'q community because Eskasoni has been part bad and part good. But I enjoyed my visit with my friends the other day. Knowing that I have paranoid schizophrenia I know that I need routine and a good understanding people. Like PSWs and Community Support Workers. I have a level of independence where I might be able to manage my own life in Eskasoni.

The services there are part of the communal infrastructure. Learning that I got Medical Transportation Clerk arranging my rides and accommodations for my appointments. I know that I have a good life here because I have an Office Manager.

I know that here I am appreciated, care for and have the proper support system in place from Mawita'mk Society. They are an excellent source of conversation and I do appreciate the power of talking because of Freudian talking cure has helped out majorly in my life. I know that I've walked wounded and had to carry the weight of traumatic past with me. Learning that I have a bunch of traumatic experiences in Eskasoni. I know that I have traumatic experience in Paq'tnkek and Sipekne'katik. Feeling like I had to work on forgiving them and letting go.

I think I have because of grief and sadness. Yeah I've gotten in way over my head couple of times, had close calls and watched people fight. But Monday I got to see my friends Rob Shipley and Marques Steven. Loving the fact that people care for me. I know that I have a good many friendships and a large family. Learning the importance of love.

I got to see my friend's place and it was a small place. I might be able to move back if I could plan all this the right way. I know that I have a lot of work to do if I want to plan this right. Being discredited for being independent I know that have been part of Mawita'mk Society and I have a good home here. But if there is a chance to move back home I would take it. Hopefully I can get my life going in Eskasoni. Being disempowered for being independent I know that people love control and measure of anxious management. People that are nosy. I know that preconceptions, prejudgments and bias for the people you care about is taking precautions and cautioning them.

How can I impart wisdom that this place is a good home? I know the benefits of Mawita'mk Society. And I know the services and benefits in Eskasoni. Suffering builds character aone would say.

What's the point of suffering. The philosophical foundation is striking faith in our being where we have profound understanding of coping and better, sensible lifestyle. Our sense of purpose re-directed to gain cultural knowledge and experience, faith-driven wisdom and a intellectual authority of mental health knowledge. It is our duty to understand what science, philosophy and art have to offer. Covering subjects like suffering and pains; we have philosophical foundational knowledge in most things. My Indigenous experience in my hometown is that of addictions, suffering and traumas. But it was managed through Mi'kmaq culture, sweat lodges, watching native stories and having a good time with family.

The important value of culture is that give meaning, value and significance to a whole. I know that having Dialectal Behavioral Therapy manual will help me in ways.

So would most of my books I got. I know that I have a good level of knowledge, educational information and trade school training. I know that I have become Unama'ki School Certified in driving, have to work for a few licenses and Red Seal Certifications. I know that I have a lot of good reasons to stay in We'koqma'q community but the amount of services and infrastructure in Eskasoni is growing, so I might move back. While I was in that vicious cycle of poverty, I needed a job to get a car, I needed a car to get a job, I needed education to get a job, I needed a job to get community college education. Now?! I have a level of education, trade training and driving experience to use in Eskasoni.

I know that work is important because it helps with self esteem. Learning that I have a good life in We'koqma'q community, I want a good active and walking life in Eskasoni. I know that I want to prove that I could live.

Thanks to Mawita'mk Society I got a level of education and employability in my corner to use in my direction of getting my fitness. 

Hopefully everyone knows me would help out in ways where I can build a good apartment life in Eskasoni. I could get many dates in my own place. I could cook for myself and clean after myself. I could make my bed here and have my own grocery in my place. I know that I could take good care of myself. I just needed a mother's touch of things to see the sensible lifestyle I want. My friends love and are sober, having work and family in their lives. I know that Rob Shipley still smokes up and smokes cigarettes, but Marques Steven is sober and clean.

I am an Xennial, Catholic, Virgo and Mi'kmaq Certified Skilled Tradesman. I am educated and Certified Driver. This kind of training I could use in my life.

The praxiological practice of survivalism is to favor action over laziness. With that work-oriented and type of farm workethic, I feel that my stepfather is the ideal family guy who I would want to emulate and learn from. I know that I've had many ideal family guys in my time. Yeah I'm used of addictive darkness and yeah, I had this kind of pro-active lifestyle in Eskasoni with my stepfather. But he didn't want me to learn because in the darkest solemn part of his mind; he didn't want me to survive or thrive because I had that kind of power of the secret. My biological mother was hiding and so was my step uncle.

Learning how I am still kind of stuck in the past. I know that my step uncle have told my stepfather everything but he also left me in the past. I know that I'm still his victim and they both want me to be weighed down by victmology. I want to prove that I'm independent, smart and tough.

I was held back in so many ways. I know that the Morrison family wanted me to suffer, not try or go for any dates or full-time employment. I know that Wayne don't respect me because he wanted me to acknowledge his work. I know that I don't have any respect from anyone because I did not have any jobs, dates, licenses or education back in the day. Here at least I have an Mawit'mk accountant. 

And I've been in survival situations before, learning that nobody wanted me to succeed. 

Wayne isn't that smart and he doesn't know stinking thinking or other ways of cognitive distortions. There are cognitive distortions, biases and logical fallacies he doesn't know. Knowing that I have been learning healthy coping skills, I know mental status and a good deal of Game-awareness.

I know that I've had a lot of good reasons to stay here. One of them was Darren but he is gone.

I know that Elizabeth was one of them too but she's gone. Learning that previous little time I had with them, I'd learned to appreciate them when they are gone. I want to move back home because I had a taste of life in my hometown. Its the cruelty of women that have manipulations and dark psychology to them. 

They don't have any physical prowess or any measurable control in their lives. I'd learnt that women don't have any boundaries. I have all new workers and experience with Mawita'mk Society that have been good, excellent support service system and other perks and benefits at Mawita'mk Society.

Learning that I have GST direct deposits every three months, 4 times a year. And Canada Climate Action money every three months too, 4 times a year. And comfort allowance every week, with people owing me hundreds. And my Christmas bonus every year.

The benefits of being an Eskasoni community member is having Christmas bonus every year. And having services and funding for rides to appointments, dental works and dialysis. I have to be First Nation to get the Christmas bonus, services and funding. Most people would want me to fail. I know that there is a lot of hatred in this life and in that we have to learn to manage our losses and pains. I know that I had a lot of good moments in We'koqma'q community and with Mawita'mk Society. But there is too much intergenerational/multi generational curses, impacts and traumas to deal with. I know that I was deprived of schooling, youth opportunities and dating when I was younger.

They claim it was sickness when that was their lie. My stepfather wanted me to suffer because of the power of secrecy. Being discriminated and humiliated against, I'd learned to cope with the blows.

Not work on myself or manage my losses or pains in a productive way. I know that I'd lost opportunities in my life because of my step family. They held the power to let me talk and tell the truth. They'd lied and deflect and denied their responsibility towards me. I know that was a moral coward that my biological mother has taught me. And my step uncle too. They are moral cowards and I don't approve their cowardice because they'd ruined my life in Eskasoni. I want to create new memories of happiness and love in Eskasoni if I do move back. I was a hated child addict back in my day.

Still hated to this day because I got no attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities. Educationally devoid of youth opportunities and educational graduations back in my day. I am liked because I am weak. Well I'm loved by family and friends but have no dates. I know that measures of control and management is growing. Everything becoming regulated and controlled. That's the way my stepmother would've wanted it. 

Learning my role with Mawita'mk Society, I know that I don't have any future with myself because I am still stuck on dialysis. I have to get my dieting and walking in again before I can get my second transplant kidney. I am on the donor's list and have a good chance at getting a second chance. 

Relaxed in my bedroom with my Wall of Credentials. I know that I'm happy with the level of knowledge, education, training and driving experience I got. I know that I want to live a lifestyle where I walk for my errands, schedule appointmental rides and look for part-time employment. It's good to be alive and have all this accomplished past in We'koqma'q community. I hope that I could get my fitness and get on track with my walking. 

I want to learn what changed and what transpired in Eskasoni through my friends' eyes. Knowing that I've had a lot of trauma to get over and unlearn the habits of unhealthy coping skills. I know that I have to learn what's healthy and what's not. 

I know that I could have a good life in Eskasoni now because of my level of education, training and driving level. I know that I could use my skills or learn job skills from other stores and businesses in Eskasoni to use. My procedural memory is a good part of my memory system. I know that my stepfather told me that I could do anything if I put my mind to it. I find that I don't hear that anymore, in fear of losing Mawita'mk benefits and opportunities. What about my hometown's benefits, services, perks and supports? What the infrastructure is in  Eskasoni? Can I go back to that and see for myself? Or am I trapped here because of my incompetence of managing my life? 

What about the safety, security and protection I have with Mawita'mk Society? Will that go away if I live by myself? Can I keep using Mawita'mk accountant for my banking, government and financial accounts? I know that certain people have used Mawita'mk Society before but can I? I wonder if I could get Eskasoni Communication Company to set up my Communication bundle for disability reasons. To have appointments and research job possibilities, to having educational and financial uses of my Internet? 

I know that I'm happy here and I wonder what kind of new memories I'll have in Eskasoni. I know that I have a lot of good reasons to stay here except for dating reasons. I know that I'm not that attractive because I don't have any career or any measurable progress in Eskasoni. I cannot just live anywhere by myself because I am diagnosed. 

After Christmas, hopefully in the New Year I'll be able to go down for a good visit. Save up my Christmas bonus for my visits in Eskasoni. I know that I want a taster of independence through my friends' eyes. Learning what I need to discuss and talk about in terms of living by myself. My sister Billie Jean has this big ego on her head from being career--minded. I know that I have it made here but I wonder about life outside of Mawita'mk Society. Learning the importance of being told the reality of today's economy tonight. 

I know that I'm glad that I got it made here. The safety, security and protection, of Mawita'mk Society and the family and friends wanting me here. Knowing full well that I was cheated out of my youth opportunities and lost opportunities in my teenage years. I know that nobody has a perfect sex life. I know that I've been targeted smd watched by white people of Cornawallis street. Knowing full well I was a native who didn't liked the schemers, extortionists, fiends, bullies, addicts and liars. 

Visiting for two days in Eskasoni with my friend Marques Steven when I can. I feel through his eyes I could learn to plan and work on what u need to in Eskasoni; to work on my weight and hopefully have women. That'll be after New Years, I think. Christmas is supposed to spend time with family. Its the New Years that I'll spend time with my friends. After Christmas I know that the New Year comes. Another spin around the sun. What will I accomplish in this struggle? I hope that I could keep the weight down. 

But I know that I don't have anybody in my life. Feeling like I never experienced personal success, professional success and professional quality by my hands. I never had those kinds of riches until I gotten my level of education, training and driving level. I just hope that while I spend my time in Eskasoni I could walk around and spend time with Rob Shipley too. 

I heard that Welfare recipients get their Welfare mailed to them. And I know that I'm just starting out kind of. I had a rough start in building a career. Thankfully I have Mawita'mk Society and they check if Marques Steven's place is safe. I have to tell Mawita'mk Society everything. And Mawita'mk Society I'd going to check if Marques had any criminal records. If so what then? I'll be gone for two days. 

But that Mawita'mk Society; they check and do a thorough job of learning this guy. Having my life ruined by the power of the secret that was between my biological mother and stepfather's brother. I know that at least here I have good company, good food, good music and a good moments with family, friends and Mawita'mk Society. 

I know that here safety is the biggest reason why I'm staying. I want to improve on my situation by getting my second transplant kidney and keep working on my fitness. Learning the paramount, biggest reasons why I stay here is because of six reasons: 1.food, 2. Safety, 3. Medications handled and Security, 4. Injection handled and Protection, 5. Proper support and good companies, 6. Transportation and good privacy. 

It's the power of this place in a cultural relevance to this group house. Learning that I have the power of this place to have all to myself; I know that I'm happy here and have six reasons to stay here and improve and learn continually. Knowing that I have made measurable progress for thriving in We'koqma'q community. I know that I want to have a portfolio sleeves of credentials in my Documentation and Credentials chapter of my portfolio. 

I have an portfolio to update. Hopefully I can use my portfolio in a business deal with We'koqma'q Band Office or with friends and family around the community. Hopefully I can get a good income and messages with them on certain direct deposits on my business visa debits. 

But I have a physical portfolio, online portfolio with Wix.com, have Facebook and LinkedIn profiles. I have a lot of reasons to stay in We'koqma'q community. Knowing that I have a Wall of Credentials hanging in my bedroom wall, I know that I have a level of education, training and driving level to use in Eskasoni and work on my driving level again in We'koqma'q community. 

I know that I'm getting a look into Eskasoni with a taster of independence through my friends' eyes. Learning what changed and what's coming up; I know that I'll be getting the latest news from Marques Steven and Rob Shipley. I wanted vengeance so damn badly over the years. This time I choose the light. I want to forgive. Accept, forgive and move on.