Early Influences

Yeah my musical influences was Muchloud and MuchMusic. I'd learned the hottest songs in rock and roll, grunge rock, alternative rock, heavy metal, soft rock. I know that I'd watched the Edge, Muchloud at 12 o'clock, the Wedge, Go With The Flow and Much News. I know there is a lot more shows on Muchmusic. Yeah my rocking twenties was with a CD collection and DVD collection. I was getting laid but I had some troubles. Knowing that women take advantage of your money and everything. I know that they will use any excuse to get my money but some would earn my trust.

I know that I had a lot of women in my life. Learning hypersexuality and hyper-independence in ways where I had to deal with my own traumas and women's manipulations. With Muchloud I had a good place to go to where I'd learnt the hottest rocker.

With Muchmusic it was all the right stuff. I know that they've been about the music. We all fucked up and people have hidden their fucked upness better than me and you. In this life I am judging myself with other fucked up people. No matter if disabled or female, gay or Trans or anything. No matter the criteria, it's fucked up how we judge ourselves. That's why my biological mother had a philosophy of non-judgmentalism in the family. She was fucked up and she'd fucked me up. That was bound to happen. But when it comes to music we feel right if done right. Musically relating in our own fucked upness, we have a common goal for the kids to pass on the music. To understand the teenage angst of 90s and what would help us think.

To understand the generational knowledge of the 80s, 90s, 70s, 60s and so on. Those are psycho-historic stories of people. How there is a generational gap.

Knowing that we our fucked up lives we are learning through music the universality, totality and common grounds we have. The roots of music reaches back to ancient times immemorial. Music have been a big part our lives over the multi generational years. I know that I've witnessed my own emotions and seen heavens and hells. I know there are multiverse of places in this world. I know that I could go into dimensional places, to interdimensional. Knowing that my life experiences in music have been trippy, psychedelic and the right stuff. We talk about authorities in families, what deems right and what is wrong. Knowing that my stepfather have done what he could with the available information. I know that I had a lot of reasons to stay with him.

In this world we are a mess and have to accept that there is multifaceted learning and multi generational curses we have to break.

The Can-do attitude and growth mindset have been a learning curve I had to become a heavy weight intellectual. Knowing that I don't have any respect because I have flaws, fucked upness, disabilities, color and other things that make up my character. I am wounded in ways but music has the power to heal right, make me live right and forget all the cognitive distortions. I have to immerse myself into music to get rid of them. I am still learning the necessary strengths for my weaknesses, I am learning enlightenment from my ignorance( it's a big literature history) and I am learning about women. Rocking women walks in loud beauty. Strong and intelligent, independent and economically thriving.

They have been experiencing and learning the industry. Rocking icons of the past have laid forth the steps in such beauty, decibels and a good music.

Beauty can be everywhere. Aesthetics or philosophy of the value, importance and appreciation of beauty has struck me like a loud gong that screams watch me. Merits such principles and artistic taste in their lyrics, they should be given the world's money. 

Each unique natures of beauty has their roots once learned. Beauty has its impact in this world. It should be assessed. Learning that I had my fair shares of beauty, I know that I did not possess any respect or love. Men's beauty can be questioned in such beauty matters, what's sexy to women? What's that animal attraction to a man? Are men beautiful in women's eyes? No more games, no more social skills I possess. I cannot figure out this head game of such evolutionary psychological works.

The cruelty of women have been about powers of psychology. I cannot figure out because I got no intelligence.

For the past thirteen years at Mawita'mk Society and I hadn't any fucks or dates. I am less attractive because I got no attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers. Learning that I cannot spot out the ideas, principles and values of evolutionary psychological works. 

Confidence seem to be this key that makes women want to fuck me. Knowing that I don't have any powers over my own life. I know that I don't attract women in my own life because Mawita'mk Society isn't a home. It's a group home with anti-franternization policies, policies and regulations of morality. There is a double standard for women in every social conventions they've operate.

I know that men are constrained to a higher level of standard in responsibilities. I know that I don't have any attractive women coming after me.

I ain't dominant, I am not careered, I am not a safe bet. I am a liability and her responsibility. Women have employed many soft rejections in my life because they did not want me. I know that I did not attract the women my age. 

I attract older women and I don't attract the age group women or younger. I am this ugly because I don't have anything to my name. I am not a fully licensed driver, my step parents have held me back in do many ways, I don't have a professional reputation or business. I don't do sports or martial arts. I am stuck in a female-dominated group home that don't want me. Knowing that I get nothing but rejections from women. I think I've became an designated incel for Mawita'mk Society. They have social escape clauses or, Let's Just Be Friends rejections, to make her feel special. I know that I don't attract any women in my life because I know that I'm short, fat, disabled, Indigenous, ugly loser.

I hadn't a normal life in my life. I've been told to obey or Ideal Male Obedience bias which I am a bitch. Or the Ideal Male Independence bias, which is the hyper-independence from traumas and addictions. My early musical development taught me to be responsible for my own actions. I know that I don't have any attractive women coming at me because people wants normalcy out of me. I had a life where I did not have any women coming after me or they've must've discriminated against me in so many ways, they've manipulated themselves in thinking that I don't need a good fuck. I know that I did not fuck any white girls or black girls or any women outside of what I could've had.

I know women had these social double standards where their codes and social conventions are better than me. They use Shallowness as a social shaming operative methodologies.

Women's culture has all these ways of manipulations and powers of psychology. I cannot get into their heads without raping. 

Learning that women wants powers beyond their sense of boundaries. I know that I don't have any respect from my peers to do what I want to do. If they didn't want us so shallow then they should've put up in the first place instead of talking smack about us. Knowing that I'm stuck at Mawita'mk Society because of certain step family members' twisted sense of broken righteousness. I have to live my life as the designated incel they've set me up to be. Directed to a better cause and how people can dominate the single man. I know that I don't have any attractiveness to my name because women have deemed me unworthy for sex.

I know that I started with nothing. I know that Mawita'mk Society is my group home. I never had any woman attracted to me.

I cannot negotiate genuine desires and I cannot have power dynamics because I am diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia. I know that I don't have any powers in my life to attract the AG women, young women. Knowing that I did not have that much sex in my twenties, I know that I am an incel for Mawita'mk Society because they'd chosen me. I know that their methodologies for determining a date or a fuck is through manipulations and powers of psychology. I know that these workers gets to live their lives fully because they get sex. They don't have any sense of purpose and they cannot stand themselves. I know that those that cannot stand themselves alone, they don't want me to live alone ideally.

Who is right, Dr. John Gottman or Rollo? I know that they employ evolutionary psychological works. And I know that I don't have powers over their attractions to me.

I know that I don't have any women to back both of these guys up. I know that I don't have to do better than them. I know that women's mystery isn't mysterious. They hate me right from the start. Knowing that I elicit their disgust I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers. I know that women don't have to choose me because in Mawita'mk Society there is anti-franternization policies. I know that I got no band or rapper's discography. I know that I got no attractive body or anything like that.

Knowing that I don't elicits any attractions from women. Rollo or anyone wouldn't be able to help me. Or John Gottman. Knowing that attractive women question me and don't want nothing more to do with me. Real-world applications to Rollo isn't told. And Dr. John Gottman. Music was my therapy and I know that I had to have it loud. I haven't driven out of Cape Breton or Nova Scotia. I hadn't any outside influences to my sex life. The Morrison kept a tight grip over my psyche. 

Trust is my issue because people assume and have group think. I know that simplistic independence isn't a real thing because the Morrison family wanted me to miss the spot of independence or not get it right. Figuring how they wanted to be in measures of control out of vengeance. I know that they hate me and so does my cousins. I'd faced discriminations and prejudice in my life. Learning that I couldn't really defend myself in any situation. I knew then I couldn't save myself. And self trust is a fragile thing too.

I know that people have shaken my trust and disturbed me. I know that with their preconceptions and prejudgments. I know that they don't want me to succeed. Their preconceptions and prejudgments tells me a lot. I don't elicit trust, inspire confidence or comforts of faith. I know that people love me in this incel's situation. 

My early influences questioned and I know that I'm defined shallow. Learning that I'm something shallow, superficial and boring. I know that I don't attract women in anything because I got nothing to offer. There shouldn't be anything to offer. Covering subjects like suffering and traumas, I know that sex has its roots in head games. Everyone wants to discriminate and humiliate. They all want to dominate. 

Everyone that I've met up with hasn't been attracted to me because I got nothing. I could ideally live without any women because I got no attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or business. I am not that enriched in any way. I'm always in the friend zone and cannot repeat anything. Knowing that I'm short, ugly, smelly, disabled, a liability that's discriminated in every way, and humiliated. 

I've been thinking and crafting my writings into the addictive stinking thinking. Knowing that I have to write this out because it would get toxic. Women have impacted my life in good sexual ways too. I know that nobody has a perfect sex life. In any relationship I have to be emotionally intelligent and use emotional care for love. I have been exercising lately and I could take more daily baths. I know that feing beautiful takes a lot of work with myself. 

Knowing that self esteem seems to be an issue because I got women issues. Got my heart broken because nobody wants me to express myself. Their reaction to my writings says it all. Knowing that I have to work at myself in fitness and bathing. I know that feeling my best is a state of feeling handsome. And being washed, teeth mouthwash and brushed, dressed in good handsome clothes and a great clean-shaven.

Knowing that I have been in dirtier states and had my life in work with my stepfather: doing pop bottles and chores. I had an allowance and I had Eskasoni Welfare. They'd lived in Eskasoni and than moved to Chapel Island. Knowing that my immediate family is safe for the moment. I know that I have cleaner states here. More haircut, more clean-shaven, more clean and sober. 

I was Pocket Hulk and I had been angry kid. I know that I'm hated by certain people because they want to be famous and rich quick. Instead of working on their lyrics and beats, they lie, cheat and steal. I know that I never had any paradise in Eskasoni but Simplistic lifestyle. Differences with their paradise and my Simplistic lifestyle, is people that want to see me thrive. I had a few people in my corner. And than I had family. A twisted reaction. 

I've been a bad ass, hurting people and trying to stave off addictions. I know that I have been learning myself in black rappers and heavy metal. Knowing that I have been wanting my own business in landscaping-Full Yard Clean-up and Beautifications of the land services. Have Rob Shipley and Rob Bloge help out with my business with Eskasoni. 

Early influences of my childhood was that I had confidence in heavy matters, can-do attitude and growth mindset in every situation because growing to meet a challenge was to read and exercise much as I can, have my second transplant kidney and return to the economic situation I was in when I was earning to get full-time employment. I know that I had to work on my level of education, training and driving level experience where I have a good instructions and a good experience. 

Pulling off jokes and having a good deal of laughter. I cannot take myself too seriously with stinking thinking. Knowing that I have been living in addictions and discriminations for the past 7 years when I was living in Eskasoni. I know that I want my own business because I want to leave a small mark of business in We'koqma'q community and Eskasoni. I want to be more emotionally mature so I am using emotional literacy for such matters. I know that I want my own trade business in We'koqma'q community or Eskasoni cultural community. 

Muchloud was a good rocker and rocket at night. I know that I had a lot of excitement when Muchloud came on. I could've used a chick that rocked but I know that in my early years I was forced to like Pop music through exposure therapy. My auntie did not want to respect my wishes of dark lyrics and rock. 

I know that rocking out is a state of relating to the music. How the energy is displayed in electric and how the drummers' poetry is artistry. Learning that I've had my stinking thinking in this I know that's part of the brain disease of addictions. There are discriminations I have to face while I had to live that lifestyle. Drugs, sex and rock and roll. I had a pretty good time without sobriety and I knew that I earned my own way. 

Knowing that there is partly lies to my unperfect sex life, I had to come up with philosophy and how the psychology of an former addict like me can have impacts in my hometown, other First Nation communities and reclaiming my energy and life. Becoming the man I'm supposed to become. And learning mental health literature and coping skills. 

I am patient, understanding and connecting. I know that my step parents did not have a perfect childhood. Knowing that I have to understand their generational curses and traumas, I know that they've wanted me in their lives. Traumatizing and pressuring the family to meet up with protectionary needs, safety needs and security needs of the family. I know that I wasn't a perfect step son. They could take pride in understanding they've taken the hits and gotten back up to have me in their lives. 

There was always something going on with me. I know that my step parents did not have any breaks. I always had something going on. Learning or re-learning the value of sleep through reminders and I had a lot of productivity and activities in my life to help me invest into my bedroom, fill my bedroom up with bookcases, my own computer or laptop, have a flipphone. I could've invested in those kinds of things; or lessons for driving. 

I hate being in debt so I'd quitted on my stepfather because he controlled my money. Knowing that I had to earn a living but was economically not allowed was economic abuses. Knowing that I did not have any good instructors at the time for driving. I know that my stepfather had availability at the time and had the means to provide. But everything came at a price. I had to earn my way. 

At Mawita'mk Society its a choice to work with the staff and try to use the proper support or let them help me get in shape. I know that Can-do attitude and growth mindset have effects on me.