The Dynamics, Ontology and Psychology of Change

Learning all my life skills in books, learning what's necessarily needed to be said and what's necessarily needed to be read. I was an addict wasting my life away but I'd enjoyed the simplicity of my addictions. And the quietness of my solitude. I know that my greatest changes was moving out of the community and into an new environment. I couldn't make it where addiction thrived. I knew that I needed to have a good life. Even if that meant giving into this incel's hell. I could educate myself through books, eBooks, encyclopedias, magazines, comic books, pdfs and dictionaries. Change is a constant and I know that I had many changes over the years.

Some good, some bad. Yes I've accomplished a level of education, training and driving level that I could use in Eskasoni. I know it's good to be alive. And having to went through all those changes.

In the dynamics of psychology in change I know that Mawita'mk Society has been a big factor that has been paramount and very significant in my life. They've been my life's discussions for health and consciousness for health. I know that I have to work within the realms of those possibilities. And I have to impregnate my thoughts with logical-solutions-based optimism. Learning the value of having to make a positive spin on things and the philosophical bent of seeing the brighter side. Nobody has a perfect sex life but they have a good one. My philosophical bent is to dig deeper into myself to protect myself. Deeper my understanding and connecting the words into sentences and paragraphs, the more I find myself creatively free and more.

Mores are essential customs, norms and behaviors of a community, society or city. It's essentially part of the culture.

Culture is there, it's a constant but not a constant. Culture is a collective strengths, coping and dealing with the community. A shared mental space for others and a good deal of self discovery. I am second generation from the Indian Residential Schools. I am also an Xennial philomathean student. With western astrology I am an Virgo; by NSCC I am a Certified Skilled Tradesman. All of this identifies me and helps me with getting a job. 

There is a subjective experience with culture that has been a big part of me. Healing...

I've been choosing to go into my pains because there is something there I haven't tapped into yet, and no it's not vengeance. Learning that I have been living here for thirteen years(Away from Eskasoni community). I haven't seen its changes in infrastructure and developments. I know that I have been through so much.

In my childhood I was an sexually abused child addict and I had witnessed my biological mother break her vows. I know that my step uncle didn't have any notion why it meant so much to me. But I know that I don't have any reasons to believe in women's rights or beliefs. I never had any woman wanting me. 

And learning that I've lived a simplistic lifestyle thirteen years ago, well kind of. It was downward spiral into financial and addictional poverty. Well kind of, I spent my money well at times but not on a consistent basis. People kept on stealing from me. I know that my step uncle haven't sexually abused me. And I know that he has been extremely good to me.

My paranoid schizophrenia is handled here. I have the safest place in We'koqma'q community. And the heart beat of the community. Knowing that I have been living here for thirteen years.

I know there is nothing for me in Eskasoni. 

That there is no saving Eskasoni and the people. Growing up in a toxic community I know that my step uncle Chuck have saved my mind multiple of times. And knowing that he has cared for me like that; I know that my stepfather's brother Chuck hasn't molested me in any sense. This was a test to figure out where he stands, and what I've been learning about him is terrible. I heard that he is a pedophile and he molested children at the tender age of 11. That's his age-marker and I know that's hard to deal with; those kinds of discriminations. My step uncle has introduced me to music that have defined my CD collection, DVD collection and video game collection. For years I had been focusing on my down time and the good feelings my family have produced over the years. I know that when I'm with my step uncle I feel pretty good about music and life in general. I become clear-minded.

A good deal of my confidence shoot up and I have a better understanding and comprehension of the books I have. The dynamics of psychology in change have affected me in ways where I couldn't think right. Learning that my step uncle Chuck have protected me all those years from bullies and fiends. I know that I had a pretty good life because it was my step uncle who have been sensitive to my needs, teaching me the latest technology and how to do plumbing and other things. It was my step uncle who gave me the confidence to figure out what I need to do when it came to cars, video games and music. If this confuses you good! There have been vicious rumors and gossips for my step uncle. I know that I could learn how the psychology of prejudices and discriminations works. Knowing that my step uncle is my role model. I know my own hell well, I know my own dimension well. I've been learning about important relationships.

Changes have happened. And knowing who is there for me through my changes. Learning that my friends and family are affected by my changes, big impact or very little reaction. No more nostalgic feelings, no more romantic notions of the past. No more diving into darkness and trying to come up with lessons and values. Epistemologically speaking I am all thought out, I've studied my hell and learnt there is nothing there. Especially in Eskasoni because I'd grown up there. There is the financial support from my school board. 

There is Eskasoni Christmas bonus and financial support from Eskasoni Welfare and Eskasoni Health Center.

I know that I don't love certain people and there is no love loss with them. But I know that I have been learning that family only looks out for family. Knowing that I have the proper support system in We'koqma'q community.

Knowing that I'm not that perfect in women's eyes. I know that I am nothing without proper education, if I can continue on that path. My value is based in what kind of fun I can provide. And I know that I have an incel's past but nobody told me that I was going to be an incel. People's cruelty is amazing and I know that they would discriminate against because I have no real powers over my own life. I couldn't date or go to parties when I was young teenager. Yes I drank but I just mostly listened to music. I had no normal life and yes, I was mostly deprived because my stepfather didn't dare chance it.

I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers. I am stuck here because I got no real support in Eskasoni. I cannot live anywhere I want to because I got enemies secretly.

I am no angel, I am no Demon, I am a disabled Indigenous descendant nerd bachelor nobody wants. Whatever was right I know that I'm single forever. Yeah I have a lot of research for how I should attract a lady. I know that I don't have any respect in my life. If women can manipulate me in ways than they don't respect me. Yes, this job requires a compassionate mind and an organized framework. Knowing that my step uncle wants a good repute from me. I know he has done pretty good and had a lot of good influences for a price.

In my life I need a woman that has a sense of purpose. Has a career and still needs me for loving. I know what women and men go through. The toxic people in this world can fuck off. Even though I never had any sort of relationship, still though I had sex with ladies. Getting a handle on my own powers in my own life, that takes great work.

I know who wants to darkly manipulate me and who wants to control me. I know who hates me secretly and I know who wants to stay hidden. I know that I don't have any powers, respectability or attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers. I am an schizophrenic and I am not allowed to control myself at all. I have to have the proper supports and resources in place, in order for me to thrive successfully. I am this disabled little Indigenous descendant nerd bachelor who nobody wants to respect, love or care about.

In this socioeconomic reality I cannot make things happen because of Mawita'mk Society. They are in control of my destiny and health. Apparently I cannot get my full driver's license until I can get my weight down. And I have to get back on my dieting.

I know that I'd lost a few pounds while I was on my renal diet. With Shauna used to be here I had pretty tasty meals while I was on the renal diet. I was on the renal diet but she'd learnt off the Internet. I know that I'm loved and valued as a Mawita'mk Member. Learning what kind of benefits, perks and good things I get for Christmas and my birthday. And every other holiday they celebrate. I know that I appreciate what they give me. Learning that I'm unwanted in Eskasoni and have no real job experiences other than six weeks. I know that I'm valued as am Eskasoni member. I have school funding, medical funding, Christmas bonus and financial support from family, Eskasoni and other places.

I know that I'm safe and living at Mawita'mk Society. Hoping that all my benefits could turn out better when I do get my second transplant kidney. I know that I am happy here and nobody trusts me with my own life.

My stepfather taught me well. I could live ideally without a woman. My sense of purpose don't depend on women. My sense of purpose is independent of a woman. My step uncles kept on telling me that I need a woman. Learning that they need a woman in their lives I know from their tones they have cheatability in their sense of responsibilities. I know that I don't have any immediate needs for a woman. The biological need for a woman isn't that great because I am a cultured and independent child addict. 

Learning that there should be some kind of immediacy to having a woman in my life. I did not know that I needed to fill the void (Whatever they mean by that).

I know that I am emotionally intelligent and self-sufficient. I am feeling like I've been learning about women through Dr. John Gottman and Rollo Tomassi. Knowing that the immediacy is not needed.

I know that for my sex drive and preference, I know that any woman would do. I know that I am getting peer pressured by therapists and others. I have to read my collection of books in order to understand what I've bought into. My step uncle don't know what I've learned. Knowing that my family wasted my life in my teenage years. They'd tried to have any excuses to cover up their moral cowardice. 

They were afraid of me learning about words like Emotional Attunement, Emotional literacy and other words I could've used in my blog. 

There is a immediacy in their lives that they're trying to make into my life. Learning that I never had any relationship. Or women willing...

I know that I've been through hells and never found a chick. Or had any side chicks or anything. I know that I'm hated but this much? Ah I will never win the unwinnable scenario.

I know that I had sex but it wasn't that great. I know that I did not have any smartphone back then and I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers. In this socioeconomic reality you'll have to look at women with this attitude: expect to provide because women chooses hypergamy for preferences. Learning that mostly men chooses hypogamy because we have a generous heart and a good ideal preference in women. I had my fair shares of women in my life. And had a good deal of criminals wanting power over my narrative.

Learning that I had choices all those times. I was up against the wall all those years. I knew if they knew my story they would have absolute powers over me. My step uncles have tormented me all those fucking years. Changes started when I moved.

I know that I have the dynamics, ontology and psychology of changes over the years. And knowing that I cannot betray any of my step uncles. I know that with Chuck I was watching Muchloud at his place. Learning the value of hard rock and heavy metal, I know that I am not appreciated in any sense like that. 

I haven't learned my uncles' stories so I don't know much. I haven't asked and I know that in time I will know. Time is the attritional and addictional poverty of will. If you're addicted. If you're sober than time will heal. 

There is a lot of research for how to meet women. Mawita'mk Society is the safest place to read all this Go-getter and Can-do attitude. And a Growth Mindset, which it is a mindset that thrives off challenges, believes in time and efforts, and enjoys social networking. 

In Dynamics, Ontology and Psychology of change, I was hoping to get Dr. Richard Bandler's work and Dr. Marsha Linehan. Two new psychological works in change. I had the attitude of an eater, I could change it into a more discipline eater and water drinker. My backstory dealing with psychology is that I looked up to Dr. Sigmund Freud and Dr. Carl Gustav Jung. I wanted their works and wanted to see how much they've known. Axiology books that I wanted, to Interpretation of Dreams and Modern Man in Search of a Soul. 

There are plenty of readable materials if you have a dictionary. How to use these books the right way and how to think of them? I know that Richard Bandler's works and Dr. Marsha Linehan have changed the game kn psychology. So have Rollo Tomassi and Dr. John Gottman. 

My philosophy, science and art is about discovering my own strengths, changes, big good impacts and traumas in my own life. It's studying my mental space of hell and how certain people took away my narrative in my own backstory. My philosophy, science and art is the study, empirical evidences and art of changes in my own life through an autobiographical writings of my own life. The philosophical study of the lava-like Styx and how I sat down with readings of Dr. Sigmund Freud, Dr. Gabor Matè, Dr. Carl Gustav Jung, and other doctors of the field to understand my own life in traumas. How to word it.

At first it was my religion, culture and tradition with a little mores to finish my training in Mi'kmaqness when I wasn't in school. My step uncles had full control over my life. They were bigger and meaner when privately talking to me. Or they would give little modicum of evidence for their hatred of me. They expect to get away with molesting children, which I have no idea about with them. And expect me to die away in shame? 

I was taught to have common sense, to think of it in a million ways, to see psychological abuses as they were. They've gaslighted me and economically abused me. They've physically abused me and kept me weak. I was taught to live my life in solitude ideally. 

With masturbation and clean hands, with food and drinks, with the freedom and comforts and entertainment of my own apartment. People are actually jealous of that.

I knew that I would start with less than my step family. They only help out measurably controlled ways. Like giving bread crumbs to me while I starved. Humiliating me every chance they get.

My stepfather never protected me from his brothers and sister. If you're not comfortable with me having values, beliefs, a sense of purpose and could enjoy myself alone ideally? You have issues. Forced shared feelings have been my step uncles fortè. Learning that I want to keep working on myself. There is a lot of work to be done: yes I have a fundamental foundation of essential influences and powers in my own life, as well values and beliefs. 

If you're not comfortable with me being me than you have issues and I don't want that kind of burden in my own organized and scheduled out life Mawita'mk Society has created, we'd built and shared independent efforts. If you cannot enjoy your own thoughts than you have trauma, anxiety or other mental issues. 

It's most likely from traumas you've collected over the years, you need help and I don't think you appreciate my own cultural values and beliefs, family values and beliefs, personal values and faith. Beauty attracts bad boys who abuses because they have mental problems. They collect traumas and expect trauma-dumping. 

That ego-investments of research, search and readings was done by Dr. Tian Dayton's works, Dr. Gabor Matè's works, Dr. Eric Berne, Dr. Marsha Linehan, Dr. Carl Gustav Jung, Dr. Sigmund Freud and other doctors of the field. 

My own evolution was because my stepuncles wanted that kind of sexual despair, immediacy of need, and acceptance into their hypersexuality and hyper-independence. Hyper-independence and hypersexuality is trauma responses. So no! I don't want sick love or anything like that. 

I hope that I could attract the right woman in my life and have a pretty good shared lifestyle. Aspects of the relationship is determined by a essence. And the benefits of a relationship can be good for some people. See? I am a loner and I don't want to be sick of that just yet. I am still learning how to attract the type of woman I want. 

Being a self problem solver is figuring out my own shit. It's the self awareness and correct thinking I have from my stepfather, real father and blood uncles. I know that I have to separate myself from my step uncles because they've done a banged up job. And they didn't want me to figure out my own problems out of vengeance. I have a type of hyper-independence or have an life experience with hyper-independence that I knew everything in my own life. Not anyone's else's. 

I know that I've focused on my life where I had to read off of the Internet because my step parents wouldn't allowed for sexual materials to be read while I was a teenager. I know that my stepmother don't respect me as a heavy weight cultural intellectual. And learning that the culture of sex and eroticism in literature could be evocative. I'd learnt how women really want to be treated; so damn rapey romance novels. 

I want to be a player in We'koqma'q community side. I want to have a good side chicks and a bunch of phone numbers in my smartphone. But in order to get those I have to go on Pow Wow trail. I cannot right now because I am working on my health. I hate this because I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or body. So I know because a lot of people hate my nerdy self. 

While my step uncles vilify me. I am doing the work and learning from my books, eBooks and pdfs. And watching YouTube and Mike Holmes TV. I know that Mike Holmes is my trade icon. I have a few good people that have formally trained me. I want the expertise of building principles and accuracy of knowledge like a professional carpenter/builder. I want to be able to fathom the workloads daily and weekly. I want my months full of riches, benefits and perks of the job. 

I don't want to work in Eskasoni because my step uncles have ruined that for me through the power of secrecy. Through that I was intellectually oppressed and manipulated, damaged and seduced into a attritional world of addictions, poverty and discriminations. Learning that I have proper supports in We'koqma'q community and I have a lot of reasons to make a good impact. 

I was malnourished and hairy like a Wolfman. Knowing that Mawita'mk Society pays for a lot and have supported me in my haircuts and shaves,I know that I have been properly prepared and supported at Mawita'mk Society. Knowing that I get my haircut and shave, Knowing that I get my toes managed and I am regularly looked after from Theresa Memorial Health Center and Allison's Barbershop. 

Knowing that I have funding from my hometown in medical transportation and Christmas bonus and schooling. I know that I am properly supported in Mawita'mk Society. I know that I could make a lot of positive changes in We'koqma'q community. And learning what I need to learn about my books and trade expertise. Knowing that I have a lot of reasons to work on my physical fitness health, I know that the reasons to stay here is piling up. It's safer in We'koqma'q community.