The Power of Secrecy

My paranoid ass when I was younger, was to keep secrets and my rudiments would be coping with guilt. I am an old veteran warrior about coping and suffering the consequences of the power of secrecy. People would lie and beat me for any information. Nobody would help me or want to listen to me. The rudimentary coping skills I employed was tolerance and forbearance. The megacognition I used to have about my imagination, thought processes, memory, attention, and other faculties that my step uncle have oppressed.

The Power of secrecy was trauma-lense kind of justifications, rationalization and broken sense of justice and righteousness. My issues have been self perpetuating in ways where I couldn't tell my stepfather anything. He was helping me to deal with that kind of grip over my psyche. The emotional control over my child mind was powerful.

I did not have any respect for my biological mother because she was a moral coward. 

And my traumas from sexual abuses that she has allowed in my life, have been largely because she was trying to hide. And I've been learning that hypersexuality and hyper-independence was my favorite thing because these young parents wasn't helping with making a good home. My mixed family in Eskasoni wanted that immediacy of need. Through trauma they could create an adult like child. So the events that have conspired to create a psycho-sexual aware child was to invest into drugs and gas-inhalant. The darkly delusional schemas helped with the alleviation of guilt at first. Visual imagination helped like therapy.

Lying became second nature. And learning to trust my step uncle through the power of secrecy was a social, personal and familial conventions of such issues.

The power of secrecy has covered my abusers' emotional evidences of being sexually abused. Donald J. Morrison and my biological mother are moral cowards that didn't want me to witnessed them fucking. Learning that I had to cover for my mother I knew that I was being left out of the equation. 

When it was time to save her son, she'd lied. Yes, she found out and yes, I couldn't do much. It was my moral stance against such corruption and abuses. The community of Eskasoni allowed such sexual deviants to harm me. Chief and Council wouldn't want that on their bloody hands. I was left to the wolves and they were on my side.

This is an grand ol' time to say that I have plenty of coping skills to use to create this blog. And removing myself from where I am not loved, valued, appreciated or respected is my self care for me. I know that in Eskasoni I suffered losses and pains.

Well I am loved for my weaknesses. And how I tolerate humiliations and discriminations. Eskasoni Rehab have saved my life where I was molested and controlled through the power of secrecy. Entrenched with the lava-like Styx in my veins and pumping through my arteries. I know that I was learning the Power of Ambition from a harder view. Learning that nobody wanted me to succeed in this life. Feeling proud that I gotten this far in my life. And improved on my quality of life. Which with my level of education, training and driving level I could use in Eskasoni. I know that my step uncle don't want me to expose him as a pedophile. It's so unfair what life have dealt me.

My step uncles had all the measurable, emotional control over my life. Focused my pains and shames into lava-like Styx I was swimming in. I know that I was sick but my step uncles were sickeningly toxic.

My stepfather has failed me in so many ways. So have Dodo and Chuck. Heaven so far away and my father is gone away. Now I don't have any truths to give, no respect for the Morrison family. They've only sucked up to me and abused me physically, psychologically and gaslighted me from pursuing the truths and self control in my life. They've tortured me through starving me and neglecting me. And when they've paid attention to me I was beaten and bruised. They were careful not to break any bones. Knowing that I was being used in every way, I know that my step family don't know how to take care of kids. Or they've focused and targeted me for so many unwanted reasons.

The sequence of how I was abused and than witnessed my biological mother break her vows, that was something that have covered me in darkness. I took a moral stance and I know who has abused me sexually.

No beautiful woman would want me. I am not attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers in my own life. My humiliations ate because the Morrison family wanted me emotionally damaged. My personal, intimate and enjoyable experiences of my solitude was with Muchmusic and Muchloud. It was an access of community contents, about music and other genres of the music. My early influences was MuchmMusic,The Hawk and Sydney stations. And my favorite Eskasoni community radio station. I was thinking of my ugliness, I was beautiful and culturally relevant. I took a moral stance against my mother's corruption.

I know that I had to get wicked, demonic and animalistic. I knew that my family would see it as truth-exposure therapy kind of thing. Determined to get the truth out.

Over the years living here I've accomplished a few things in my life. Learning what I need to learn for credentials and license. I know that I don't have any respectability, appreciation, value and love in any places that would want to harm me. I couldn't keep up because my stepfather didn't want me to thrive. He wanted me stuck on Eskasoni Welfare instead of working somewhere. Than I had work discriminations in every way. Wars of classes so I couldn't get employment. Well I have some respect, I know that I'm valued, respected and loved, and appreciated and accepted in this community. I don't know how valuable, useful and helpful I am in ways of Mawita'mk Society. I know that I am learning patience and understanding. Not from a female perspective but from Doctors and authors. I know that I had my fair shares of women and girls, learning that I'm nothing to the country girls now. I know that my darken struggles haven't been explored.

I'd seen the toughest man cry and that was my stepfather. I'd seen an addict go down further, and that was my step uncle. I'd know that I was learning from a criminal and that was my other step uncle. Knowing that I don't have any connections to women, jobs and transportation in Eskasoni. I know that I had to open my own mind for reframing of the view. I just wanted to be closer with my stepfather, with my secrets and other things I wanted to tell him. I know that I've been through hells and purgatories. Couldn't get a moment's rest when I was in Eskasoni. Knowing that I had great therapists in my life, teachers, instructors, public servants and support workers. I know that I was learning a lot in my life, and to tell the truth with Mike MacInnis. That was something fundamental.

My step uncles are pedophiles. And I don't have any influential strategies in my life to get rid of such issues.

I know that I love my step uncles in ways. But I don't trust them because they had emotional control over me since day one. I know that I wanted my own world and imaginable multiverse. I wanted to be that smart in my life where theoretical physics and imagination sparked a multiversal imagination. But my step uncles oppressed me culturally, economically, skilfully, emotionally, intellectually and other ways. I've been abused socially, economically, financially, culturally, physically and other ways too. But with Mawita'mk Society I have protection, safety and security. Knowing that I have accomplished past in We'koqma'q community. I know that because of my step uncles I had to struggle morally, physically, psychologically.

Well because of my fathers. I had two fathers in my life and two mothers. I have a mixed family and extended family, and step family.

Nobody is holding any secrets of my love-making. I am not that great and nobody has a perfect sex life. Knowing that this blog is for me, I am practicing my paragraphs. I know that I don't have any evidence to the idea that I'm attractive. Knowing that I should be aware of my own life. I know that I had my fair shares of women and girls in my younger years. Changes over my life have been about being adopted by Billy Morrison. He was trying, through the chaos and darken murky waters, tried to handle me swimming in the water. He was the one guide in my life that have been good but deadly.

I don't have any sexual opportunities in my life. Knowing that dating is out of the question because my sisters want a baby sitter. I know that I'm being used up because I got nothing exciting in my life. People prepare for me and I don't have any reaction. That's good because I got no drama.

I've explored my community on my own when I was sniffing gas as a child. I did not have any parent to help me but guide me to the right people. Growing up in a toxic community I've realized how far, deep and serious I've come from sickeningly toxic people. And got help from people willing to walk the psycho-historic road of psycho-spiritual path and practice wisdom, prudence and intelligence. 

Learning that I was also practicing forbearance, patience and tolerance of others. I know who I like and who I want in my bed. Those certain women don't want me strong. Those toxic women don't want me to have self faith, use my self efficacy and have self confidence. Those same women want me to suffer for their reasons and vengeance. I grew up with cunning corruptors and manipulative abusers. I had to figure my own inglorious, influential strategies and management skills. 

I know that through honesty and truth, meanings come out. And I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers in my own life. Yes, I had women and girls but I know that I started out as a kid. I know that I had a lot of reasons for my hypersexuality and hyper-independence. 

My step uncles would deny that because I've seem what switches in my head when I talk with them. They have managed, worked on me and got me thinking in certain ways. Another words, they've practiced hiding in me and through me and wants me to help out. 

Knowing that I cannot trust Dodo and Chuck, I know that my stepfather didn't dare chance to know the enraging truth of his wife. Or his little guy who have made a moral stance against corruption. The betrayal and the double standard, the more that women get away with stuff, the more they aren't right in the head and don't have any boundaries. 

I love my family but I hate their moral corruption and cowardice. I know that the survival of the fittest attitude don't fly with me. I believe we should protect our elders, women, children and adults. I believe in the safest communities in Cape Breton (Unama'ki). I know that I love my friends and want the best for them. I know that I have no schemas(personal plans for marriage, education and driving) and  schemes(Work plans for jobs). 

I want to be well read, I want to be well versed in my books and learn from YouTube and TV shows carpentry. I know that I want to specialize in two trades: carpentry and landscaping. I want to have my own construction crew and do it right. Figure out problems and figure out the geometry and mathematics to finances of my little empire. A Indigenous-owner of a construction crew from carpentry papers and landscaping papers, I hope that I could put in the work and prove my workethic. I know that I'm a competent, hard, smart and tough worker. 

The more you talk shit about me, the more I'll ignore and keep quietly working on my goals. Things I want to accomplish, I have something of a wish list. I want honest, hard working, due diligence and intelligent people who could do it right with the excellent quality of work. I want my own apprentices, business partners and crew. 

I just need to build my little empire of trade business. Learn the business literacy of carpentry and landscaping, have every book read and researched, have every experienced Journeypeople on my smartphone for advice. And have a lot of good mentoring experience in younger apprentices. 

I know that through the power of secrecy he has single-handedly destroyed my abilities to think about it the right way. And as the spell is broken I am cultivating the skills necessary for critical thinking. I've lived the unexamined life and thanks to the power of secrecy I had to get emotionally fucked up about it. I have to unlearn hiding trade secrets and other things. I know that I would be a terrible son but my stepfather never really tried to get the information. 

I'd learnt that suffering through the power of secrecy I had to learn my consequences and suffered the relationship with my stepfather. I know that he known me from day one when I was a baby. The art of not thinking about it became an art in itself where I had to learn to hide and do what I need to do to keep the secret. If I was with my real father I'd probably would've had a better life because my stepfather wanted tyrannical despotism in my life.