New Job at Mawita'mk Work Program

Truth is out there and people have been acknowledging, validating and supporting others in their lives. In this world where the youngsters are picking up the slack of our generation. I know that I have to play a pivotal role in their development of this and that, weal and woe, and hopefully successes. I got a new job doing maintenance work and building, landscaping and gardening. Hopefully I can get something going for me with Apprenticeship Certificates. I know that I have a good job and I just gotta logged the hours in my logbook that I used for my NSCC Construction Trades Labor program.

Hopefully I can have a really good pay day with this kind of job. Knowing that I have building experience and landscaping experience in my teenage years with my stepfather, have NSCC Construction Trades Labor program in 2015/16 and had a good life in We'koqma'q community.

People say that I wanted to experience life. I wanted my life ideally simplistic. I know that with the Morrison family of Eskasoni I wasn't going to get that. The Morrison family of Eskasoni says that I just let them for the experience. I know that I was helpless in being angry or "Pocket Hulk". I knew that there was a lot of wrongs in my life and that started with Dodo in my life. He probably gave Ray the idea to teach me inhalant addiction. 

Why does he get all the loving in the world when I get nothing? Because I am not a family guy in ways but oh, how I am. I know that I don't meet up with any women's criteria or standard. I am a paranoid schizophrenic who doesn't have any business or independence. Self-sufficiency is for those who wants to live a life.

I am feeling like I'm way too lazy and I don't have any passions, ambitions or anything. Everyone questioned me.

I don't know who has what. People can have sociopathy or some kind of disability like psychopathy. Freud's Psychopathology of Everyday Life is a good book. I hope that I could learn from these books. And see what I can learn from these contents and information about the books I got. And eBooks. I know that I have a lot of good examples of critical thinking, philosophy and psychology. I know that I'm enrichen in ways of technology, of books and collectibles. I have a good collection of DVDs and CDs. I know that I'm proud of my collectibles. I know that I've got good people on my side. I know that I could focus on my own knowledge, intelligence and independence through my eBooks and books.

I am seminally growing with 38 years of life experience on this earth. With a few job experiences, educational experiences and driving instructions.

I know that I want to build better and more richer lifestyle in We'koqma'q community, with Mawita'mk Society and through the Mawita'mk Work Program. I hope that I might be able to get my NSCC Apprenticeship Agency goals done and have my own truck for JP'S Landscaping and General Contracting business. I want my Handyman Service to have a List of Credentials in my professional portfolio where I have HVAC Certificate training, ISSA-CANADA Cleaning Management Institute courses and Handyman credential through IAP college in Calgary just to look professional for my business.

I am treading on new but familiar waters. I live in a sense and type of freedoms from drugs and discriminations, abuses and manipulations that I could succeed. I know that I have a good life but I cannot get laid.
Right now I am making some cash. I have GST direct deposits every three months, 4 times a year with Climate Action money with it. And at each year I get Christmas bonus at the end of each year. Just imagine if I did worked in Eskasoni and had all this online Tax refund figured out? I'd did my taxes and had a good amount of GST direct deposits every three months, 4 times a year with each Climate Action money? And had my own shed to put pop bottles and my lawn mower in. And have my own small well built garage in my home, expansion plans for my old apartment. And have a good deal of money saved up? 

Than again I could make a good small size basement entrance at the side with a good expansion plans for better bathroom. Have my pop bottles and water heater down there with a small customized furnace. Have my floor plans reinforced with soundproof materials and my apartment walls. So that way I could play music.

I would put the shed in at the side entrance of the driveway, and the garbage pin would be at the edge of the driveway. Hopefully I can build a good home and garage, basement and shed plans. I wouldn't want to financially do it all in one lump sum. But I would want to save up for such financial reasons. I hope that I could invest into that place and have a wooden furnace in there. I think that one of those automated ones would do. I hope that I could get an estimate on a re-build of the house behind 74th street. I hope that I could save up for expansion plans and re-build. It would cost a lot of money to live these days let alone rebuilding a place. The estimates would range to $80,000/$90,000 just to lift the damn house. Now and these days, with inflation and stagnancy, there are increased costs of living and a good deal of price spikes. With dignity of labor, pride in job, job satisfaction, sense of purpose and service, sense of contribution and fulfillment.

I feel enrichen in ways where I could get a job with my level of education, level of trainings and driving level. I could become fully employable in ways where I could work at Mawita'mk Work Program as a certified driver, skilled laborer and a certified maintenance technician. I know that I could get certain Certificates in NSCC Community College, Unama'ki College, ISSA-CANADA Cleaning Management Institute, IAP college and other schools like Retail Council of Canada. The Ideal job is mostly what I'll enjoy. I've enjoyed many jobs over the years because it brought me money and a good deal of job satisfaction, sense of daily accomplishments and a feeling of finishing a long day's hard work kind of days in Eskasoni.

I've enjoyed the simple life. I have been missing having Eskasoni Welfare and little extra cash with pop bottles recycling supplementations, extra cash from jobs.

I know that I don't need to be educated in Roofing because I had a good understanding of it through my family. Learning that certain family members don't want me to work in Eskasoni; I know that they are jealous and envious of me. While others have true indignation and righteous path. I know that I don't have any respect from certain people and family members. They've exposed me and tell everyone that I'm something of a criminal when they are. I know that I had no choices in my life. Learning that people are hooked on my sexuality. I know that I don't have any respect because of certain petty people.

I know that my step uncles think they know what's right. Learning that they are serial rapist and have a long history before my birth. I know that I don't have that kind of generational knowledge. They could chose to lie to me.

Musically Sheila Johnson cannot relate to my music in the abstract because she cannot think that way. You could present an idea of Musicology and its evolution of taste. Like the evolution of rock n' roll. She's scared of certain ideas reaching her and plaguing her good feelings. What beliefs does she hold? What aesthetic(philosophical) values does she have? We cannot critique Sheila for her music because her belief in the word critique isn't analysis. But a good deal of criticism from her about my Musicology is misguided and have no bearing on my anesthetic taste in music. Intelligent creativity cannot be held down because someone has been toxic about music.

Ta me Sheila has been trying to sell her music to me. And hadn't because she has been forcing heavy metal, or other songs I like down the loser's lane. She doesn't respect my evolution as a music lover.

That generation has been cursed with the heavy burden of their past. So they do want to have a good time. But my past has been cursed with their ignorance. Past grief of lost opportunities have haunted me; learning that no woman in her right mind would come to me. That I have to take the chase. I'd lost so many opportunities in my life because of the Morrison family of Eskasoni. I know that they didn't care for my education and that certain pettily ass, jealous and envious son of a bitches wanted to ruin my opportunities more. Unless they get a chance.

That's been my curse: serial rapists who wanted to influence and control everything forcefully. I know that I want to live financially independent life meaning that I want my own car, job, place and small businesses. I know that  I've been held back in so many ways in my youth because of my stepfather's lacking. 

He didn't want me to earn a living with a job.

I know that I don't have any job experiences in Eskasoni, in my teenage years. I couldn't have any after-school job because my stepfather didn't care for my rèsumé or portfolio. He was like too busy trying to control me and shit like that. He wasn't trying to understand me, care for me, economically empowered me in skills sets. I know that he wanted me to live a financially dependent life. Why with dignity of labor, pride in job, job satisfaction, sense of appreciation, fulfillment, contributions, daily accomplishments and milestones in my job. 

With fringe benefits(if I gotten full-time employment) I could've practiced wisdom of my own life and live without my stepfather.

The Morrison family of Eskasoni have forced their beliefs and values into my life where I couldn't explore anything in my life. I know that everyone was trying to learn from me. And I know that I did not have any job.
I have no power for self-defense in my head. I have no security knowledge or safety intelligence. I have no way to live my life in Eskasoni with a second transplant kidney because family would make a big fuss over my decisions. They have to have control over my volitional freedoms and independence. 

There isn't no terms of individualistic, self-preservational self-sufficiency where I can live wherever I want. Everyone is always using behavioral modifications, psychological tricks and tips, and other means as persuasion designs. I don't get much dates or fucks because most ladies don't want me. And that's because I don't make money, have height or riches, have a career or business, have attractive qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles. I don't get that much excitement in my life because I am a liability now and these days. I'm more of a problem because of my life experiences, level of understanding and intuition.

I know that beauty won't cut it. I have to learn to look deeper and see the values, emotionality and significance of the person. I want to see what personality they have. Hopefully they aren't sociopathic, psychopathic, or anything like that. I've been trying to live my life on my own. Hopefully I can get an attractive woman with a good set. I know that I don't have any powers to get laid because I know that it has been fourteen years. And counting.

I know that I hadn't any self-efficacy in my dating world because I am short, fat and ugly with disabilities and no long-term relationship experiences. I know that I am nothing to these country girls. And knowing that I've been used up and thrown aside. I know that I at least I'm trying go sweat my ass off at the gym doing cardio fitness. 

Sheila got me in trouble with one of the workers here. I hate her because she doesn't mind her business. Every time I do something it comes back on me because some workers don't want to shut up. I hate this place because it's regulated, what I mean it's managed like I am a freaking kid who cannot make big decisions or is taught to be afraid. I'm starting not to like how this place is running. I want to move out because it would mean independent life. But I'm kind of stuck here because of dialysis. 

I know that it's for my own good. But they have no right to get mad at me. Learning that I have to deal with the bitter end of this conversation. But I want to move for several reasons: 1. They are cramping my style(if I had any style). 2. They are regulated and managed by Rosie and Darlene which every decision has to come from them. 3. Its an organization and since it's inception there have been mistakes and lies over the years so u have to suffer out the consequences. 4. They keep reminding me it's for my own good to alleviate their guilt. I hate this kind of sexless relationship. Well not really, I hope that I could get myself out of here eventually.

5. Family's delusion of having control over me has been largely because I haven't much choices in my life. No options or no help. Especially with Billy Aquan. 6. This only serves the family's purpose and not mine. Because I have gotten my level of education, training and driving level they believe that they are forgiven for all their wrongs they did to me over the years. Meaning I'll be falling in debt with the Morrison family because they keep track of their money-makers or schemes (financial abuses).

The Morrison have such powers, influences and situational forces on me that I know when they are calling me. It's not righteousness guiding me but skilled manipulations they've worked on me. Their generational knowledge they know that I cannot disconnect because they don't want me to reclaim my own life in all its glory. 

I cannot go for their jugular because through the years they've learnt to hide the truth that it's their relational influences over the years. Morality issues neuroethically speaking has been questioned and mentioned. But they've been trying to control traumas and addictions through their anger and frustration, which they've taught me in the first place.

Yeah I have a new Mawita'mk job at Mawita'mk Work Program. I know that because I never had any good long-term relationship I have been missing out on romance, bullshit and toxicity of a relationship. Learning that I don't have any powers to stop people from having sex I know with certain knowledge I could fuck up marriages and stuff like that. But I know that I don't want to do that.

Cheating will eventually come out and those childhood memories they've worked off of will dissipate and I'll drift into the night. I know that I want to live at night these days. 

Anyways everyone expects blind trust from me. Like they are too busy and forgetful for me. And the others get special treatments because I've been nothing to Mawita'mk Society right from the start. I asked for steel toe boots before I went into NSCC Construction Trades Labor program and didn't get them because people at Mawita'mk decided I've never suffered enough. Or got humiliated enough because I couldn't get proper pants. I couldn't get steel toe boots when I was in NSCC Construction Trades Labor program and Rosie just wrote me off because I'd said "yes, I got steel toe boots". And somebody sold my steel toe.

I don't know who or why. At Mawita'mk Society I cannot keep anything safe while I live by myself at Mawita'mk Society. And apparently what's mine I'd the elders'. I seem I cannot get a hold of keeping my books safe or my things or tools. I don't like sharing and I hate it when people assume. 

Elders and Clyde gets special treatment. I'd noticed how the staff treated me and how they've treated the elders. I know that I got no control over my own life because mentally, emotionally or psychologically I cannot manage myself. Apparently I need help in being strict and serious. I got no mind for discipline. And I wasn't taught proper routine or life skills or habitual thinking. I am not allowed to control my own mind because I am paranoid schizophrenic. I cannot run my own brain because my mind is way too sick and has a chemical imbalace. And I have a power Imbalance with Clyde because I don't claim my rights with him.

If I did he would get upset and take it out on me. Clyde is just a coward because he picks on people that cannot defend themselves or anything. My life has been widely and personally controlled by Billy Aquan. I couldn't really learn karate or any martial arts because he claims it isn't worth it. More people would want to beat me up. While he says that I gotten beaten and bullied over the years I have been under his reign. And I know he doesn't care for me because he would've gave me a fighting chance.

The Morrison family of Eskasoni hasn't cared for me because they would rather see me weak, naked, humiliated, manipulated, defeated, broken up, heart-broken and damaged and abused and discriminated in so many ways that I cannot get laid today. They would rather me suffer it all out while they abuse, manipulate and do other mistreatments to me. I know that I don't have any power to stop people from ruining my life.

I never had any powers because the Morrison family of Eskasoni didn't want me to develop, grow, thrive or succeed without their approvals. Learning that certain family members wants me to suffer out my celibacy for their comforts. I know that I don't want to do that because I have been learning about my options in group homes. I have none and I don't have any respect or powers to escape or leave here because of disablism and ableism in jobs and stuff. 

It seems I cannot provide for myself, or manage my own brain because it takes great skills and tools in life to learn. I know that there is something in the way and I have to change my thinking. But I cannot be blind trust because that's nor what I want. I don't want any ageistic authority in my life. I have been widely disregarded and disrespected in ways where I couldn't necessarily get what I needed for my classes. I couldn't really necessarily get my own steel toe boots through Mawita'mk Society because I am that insignificant. 

I know that I couldn't really rely on Mawita'mk staff or Mawita'mk Society for anything. And I cannot stay here because these reasons are piling up. I cannot rebuke or reproach anyone here because they would go off defending themselves. And I cannot live outside of Ni'kinen house because of several reasons. I cannot run my own brain because that is reserved for sane people. Let's face it: I am insane and have no real powers in my life to stop anyone from anything. Plus I cannot move our of here because Mawita'mk Society wouldn't let me. Learning my role in celibacy. 

Learning that I don't have any sort of respect in response to what I'd said. Knowing that I don't have any special ties here or any other person in my life. Learning my sexual market value here I know that I don't have any attractive qualities or characteristics or traits. Or have any height, or men's respect or anything like that. I know that I need to move on out of here because I got nothing eight now. 

I should count my blessings when I feel this grumpy. I know that I have free WiFi, cable and food. I have clothing checks as a Mawita'mk benefit, gym membership and reasonable purchases as a benefit. If I could make a good case that it's for the better upgrade my bedroom, I know that I could get it. Learning my benefits from Mawita'mk Society, I have employability experience in We'koqma'q community where I've had a good session of Interviews. I know that I don't possess any attractive qualities or characteristics or traits. But I hope that I could work on them. And turn them into my greatest charms. 

My sister Billie Jean has criticize and kept me down for fourteen years. Considering that I could have planned certain things, do certain things and started certain Handyman business. I know that my family doesn't want me to do labour because they don't want me to work with what I was trained with in my teenage years. My stepfather is looking for any excuses not to teach me because he became a sell-out. Certain family members don't believe or trust my capabilities to take care of myself because they want to keep cheating me out of opportunities. 

Struggling to maintain a good image while my step uncles have abused, discriminated and manipulated me into so many ways. I know that they've wanted me to fail because they wanted the upper hands. And knowing that I don't owe them nothing. I know that they are pedophiles that haven't gotten their comeuppance because they desperately manipulate, discriminate and abuse others. My step uncles have suppressed my memories of being abused, discriminated against and manipulated over these years. 

They could argue that I did it for the experience; which I didn't want. And I wanted forgiveness but they've abused me, discriminated me and manipulated me over the years I've been in Eskasoni. I wanted an honest input and a good, honest understanding with resourceful beliefs and useful suggestions.