Dodo's Old School

Old school cannot distinguish abuses from discriminations. Stuck inside of a routine and lifestyle where I did not have any driving experience, teenage work experience and graduations in Eskasoni. I am stuck at a place because everyone else rumored and gossiped. And I know that I don't have any real powers because I cannot remember how things were. To volitionally decide who to believe in and who I should follow. I know that I have been this intellectual authority, anti-authority and independent thinker in ways. Old school have gave me a foundational living knowledge. But I do know that I am hated so much that they are willing to prove that they don't have any hate because they are innocent. Stuck up little bitches and psycho little inconsiderate brats. People are willing to prove that no matter what I should've been innocent in my childhood addictions. Knowing that people don't want to understand.

I know that they cannot have any empathy and compassion without understanding. They want to say that they understand because it satiates their egocentric biases. Nobody had that kind of life experience empathy where I had to make those choices. Where I needed to make those choices for my emotional sanity. Everyone wanting me to confess to a story that's interesting. My story isn't that interesting. I know that satanic pedophiles gotten away with teaching me stuff. My step uncles have been mainly teaching me. 

Learning in my 30s about relationships and friendships. What doctoral works that had to say about relationships. My step family had been dismissive and question everything. 

Being dismissive isn't a good trait but questioning everything is. Being open minded has its intellectual benefits. Learning to reframe a perspective is a reason to learn. I am a long-time addict that started in his childhood.

I know that certain women won't approve of me. And I know that I don't need their approval. But they need to win or outpetty me. 

Just because they can. I know that they are jealous of my opportunities in my own life. 

And how I had to learn from my past in retrospection, the books I've read and the pdfs and magazines I've read. I know that I got theories from comic books and DC mostly. I know that I don't have any long-term relationship experience but that don't mean I cannot find any sober dates. Old school has provided a sense of respect and care but that is questionable because of favoritism in the community.

I know there isn't any real fair-minded people because everyone doesn't have fair portion sizes of meals. I know that my family isn't about Mawita'mk Society because they are elders but would rather live in their own house. Not a group home. Why me then?

Learning that I don't have any choices unless I feel like I am doing cardio fitness by walking. I know that I don't have ant attractive qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or business or desirability. Practically I don't have any edge in any thing because even my sisters wants me powerless. I know that I don't have any respect from these families because I've been learning that I'm a throwaway. Than again this place is pretty good and no I did not have any good visitations from family. Learning that bloodline family was accused attempting to steal us from my stepfather while my half-blooded sister had resentment towards the family.

My sisters didn't want me to escape their grips because they wanted controllability over my life. Curly and others didn't want me to move to my real father's place.

They keep saying stuff about him when they didn't have any respect for all my bloodline family. Learning that most of my bloodline family don't respect my familial situation; I know that nobody wanted me to move to Sipekne'katik because they didn't want me to fix or hash out issues in my bloodline family. Learning that it was my half-blooded sisters Billie Jean and Katt. I know that they didn't know how to fix it. Old school bloodline families should come by and visit. But not even my step family doesn't unless it's to make them famous for being good. I know that I have medical problems that my family don't give a shit about.

I didn't trust Eskasoni or anyone in Eskasoni. I knew that they wanted controllability in power of having a party over my place. My step family didn't want to hook me up with a right. And learning that is why they wanted me to have a house. Band Office politicking.

The cardinal rule of a relationship is that if they have power over you: power in like skills, money, sexual attractiveness, political connections, prestige and influence. They don't need me in their life because all they need is, for me, is to let them have access to tools. I know that I've been discriminated against because of ageistic authority, confidence in overpowering(in need of a place, car or food, clothes and shoes). The idea of individualistic independence is that I live my life with according to how I want to run my own brain. Not the way others wants me to because they cannot believe in any other way. Learning that old school cannot see their abuses and intellectual controllability. I know that my sisters control certain aspects of me too. I am diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic and everyone could take advantage of my disability. It's not bad of a place but I don't need this place. Unless I have some kind of disability....

The kind of disability that prevents me from figuring out stuff for myself. I know that I don't have any real powers to use to protect myself because my sister Billie Jean took them. She did something to my brain that made me seem insane and I cannot escape the effects of her controllability because she knows what my stepfather knows, to a degree. There is a form of disablism and a type of ableism for living independently. 

Everyone is probably hooked up to my smartphone and with the amount of knowledge I know that my sister Billie Jean wants to be the intellectual authority in my life. She just proved it by the feelings she'd created in me. Lying to me that she doesn't know how to use psychology like that because I got no physical evidences but my memories. I know that with today's knowledge amd technology there are ways of controlling information and resources where they can prove to my perception.

I know the old school tricks because this was premeditated and very carefully thought of. I just proven to the rest of the family I can go with the flow. Get my level of education, training and driving level where I could use in my hometown, have a good ideally peaceful life and live without the corruption of Eskasoni. All addictions ever reminded me of was toxicity, sickening depravity and pains. I know that I don't have any independence because my sister took away my personal power, so has Clyde! I cannot affect dogs as I used to. I know that I want to be financially independent where I could save up my money and have to say no to my sisters. My sisters and a cousin are my money-drainers now.

Knowing that I want to be financially independent in We'koqma'q community. I know that I have a real job. I just have to keep doing what I can with beadwork. I know that I want to have a good reputation of working.

Old school cannot distinguish discriminations and abuses from their treatment. So I have to defend, protect and secure my own beliefs, truths and values. They want that ageistic power where they rule and dominate. But with respect to my forbearance, endurance, tolerance, fortitude, intelligence and acceptance. I am something of a specialist in the psychology of suffering. Everyone suffers: it depends on your coping virtues and skills. But old school let you figure it all out. My step uncles wanted to be credited with all the good stuff happened in my life. Nobody, from the Morrison family of Eskasoni wanted me to be strong on my own. They didn't want that kind of individualistic independence where I take care of myself instead of taking care of my family.

Dodo wanted to be credited with teaching me when he has no idea about my forbearance, endurance, tolerance.

Learning that I don't have any personal strength to say no. I know that Dodo have fucked me up through the supposed lifestyle of his lie. I cannot come around and say the truth. My biological mother was something of a source of coping strength. But that's when the lie was sustained. Learning that my step uncle have been this moral coward for the longest time. I know that I have to search for my true feelings connected to the memories. I was unresponsive like a schizophrenic for many years because my step family had control, suppression of my feelings and told me that I cannot take over my own brain. 

Dodo was a moral coward right from the beginning of all this. He caused deep psychological problems and called it old school.

True psychological mastery of my own brain, is impossible now because I cannot run my own brain because of old school.

My mind is claimed and I cannot escape any one because I got no muscles or muscular physical strength to defend myself. My sister Billie Jean thinks that I should give up and have a routine. She said "I don't need power to clean up" and learning that's her narcissistic personality needs for power over me. I know that she wouldn't have any thought to her being the bad guy in this. Her relational influences have been pivotal in maintaining Dodo's influences. The Morrison family of Eskasoni have maintained Dodo's relational influences. That was my situational forces I had to deal with. If there is rage inside, I hope that I could discipline my own emotional dysregulational dysfunctionality into a better grip of my own faculties of power. The lie is gone but there are still residual lostness. It's a lie when I'd learnt about my culture. The things I'd learnt in a lie is me feigning interest. Everyone lied and I don't care any more for these moral cowards.

Dodo's old school has provided a fundamentally foundational knowledge in a life of a lie. So really there isn't any stigma-free states that I have gotten into where I practice tolerance, acceptance, forgiveness, forbearance, endurance, fortitude and more. 

Courage is facing your emotions and regulating them. That's emotional discipline but learning that people want to torment me and have those kinds of powers over me. I know that I'm disempowered by Billie Jean because she has resentment towards the bloodline and wants everyone to know she has control for good reasons. There isn't any good enough reasons to stop somebody from running his or her own brain. And knowing that Billie Jean is a control freak. I know that I cannot manage myself because Mawita'mk Society and family don't want me to. They want to stress this interdependence shit on me. They want to have relational power over me.