Ideally Living? Simply Working and Enjoying My Spare Time? Which First Nation community?

Ta have women who have expensive taste, isn't an ideal woman that I would want. I know that I want to do the small things for romance and maintaining a good relationship. All these theories, research and connecting the dots are fun and I do like to figure certain things out when it comes to my reading. But I know that women, female teenagers and girls have early accessibility to economic resources that could determine the relevance of a relationship. I know that I don't need a modern woman; I need a good old fashion warrior/surviving woman kind of woman: a sage, a huntress, lover and queen of her own mind. I know that I've been living ideally at Mawita'mk Society for years; in that I have been gaining my graduations, milestones n' accomplishments. I know that I have been learning women's, teenager's and girl's roles in society. I know that I don't have any beauty to stop women in their tracks but I know that I could live ideally, with my own inner peace and sense of beautiful pleasures, in my own life. 

Than again I could have a Growth mindset and thrive and revel in challenges of maintaining a expensive woman's taste. I have been not getting into cardio fitness for muscular physical strength and endurance. I hope that I could because it would mean I want professional efficiency in my own business. I know that I need a lot to maintain a business such as landscaping n' carpentry. I know that I'll need the expertise of Red Seals and I'll need 4 years for each programs. I know that I want to be a lot in my own life and I know that I want to have all these credentials and fitness and driver's licenses and stuff. I know that I am happy with the level of education, training and driving level where I could work on my driving goals and become something like a professional, certified, fully licensed driver. I want to be accomplished, successful and published with copyrights and everything. 

I want to have a smooth kind of flow of direct deposits and everything. I know that people have been learning and in that I think that people online are hateful, I wonder what they are like in real life? I know that I have been in several situations where somebody overpowered me. I know that I am hated and in that I have to face that fact: I am not well liked and I don't have that much friends in the younger generations. I know that I have to keep on learning how to reach these people. Ideally living? Where? Simply working without prejudicial authorities? Where? First Nation communities??Yeah right! I know that I am liked because I have weaknesses, vulnerabilities and disabilities. I am not a charismatic leader or loved n' respected businessman. 

I know that I got to be careful with who I teach and stuff. Learning that there is horrible working conditions in Eskasoni and my sister is working there. I know that I haven't really worked anywhere in Eskasoni but the job I was given for internship. I know that with new psychological works there are better coping skills, better understanding of these new psychologies, a good deal of research and new ways of thinking.

I know that I don't believe in marriage because there isn't any Father's Rights. There are legalities of Mother's Rights in every which way: alimonies, child benefits, protection and provisions from the father, demonization and vilification of the father. There are Women's Rights in Canada for Christ Sake. And there are more women cheating and lying these days. 

I know that I don't want to "marry off" because that would mean I have no rights in the marriage. That full bigoted discriminations for my life will be at full extent. Mawita'mk Society doesn't respect this belief because they don't want to deal with the value of men. I know that I have no rights in marriage as a straight guy. I have to give up my heart to a woman that could financially bully me, personally fuck me up and socioeconomically ruin me. I know that Mawita'mk staff don't want to think about Father's Rights because they think that "Equal Rights" should be respected. Why? There is Women's Rights in Canada, there is influences in an institution-indoctrinated world where they have the Church's backing and rights. Men isn't supposed to show any emotions due to Women's Stress in a relationship. Whose decision was it to have kids in the first place with so-called "irresponsible guys"? 

Women have systematically influenced every possible ways a men could be vilified in one way or another. We are at the mercy of women legally, economically, financially, religiously and personally through marriage. A woman can cheat and its considered funny. While a man cheats; its considered a crime in a relationship and they have to pay for it through divorce and being ruined by a woman on all levels of their lives. Ecumenically, socially, socioeconomically, financially, religiously, professionally, spiritually and personally, in a holistic way. Instantaneously. 

I know that native women don't give two shits about their men. Well that's really how I feel but I am schizophrenic so I'll probably have to give in to most of the women at Mawita'mk Society. Sometimes I have to pretend that I'm sane and independent. Just to have some kind of freedom from certain people. My epinoia is more active these days as I daydream my ass out of here. I cannot fuck these women so I have to listen to them. Where is the justice in that emotionally, socially and every other rights I should have as a man? What's stopping a toxic woman from destroying a good man through divorce? Women are so skilled in manipulations that they take for granted their rights and privileges! 

I know that I don't have any Fatherhood legalized. They have Motherthood legalized and these Women's Legalities are what in question because women have manipulated their way to power legally, economically, financially, religiously, socially, socioeconomically, ecumenically, personally. Married women give their men so much to do that they don't know how to think or philosophically celebrate out the Father's Rights in a marriage. Are we really ideally living? Are we simply working and enjoying our spare time? I know that I have to consider a Father's Rights movement in Canada because men's rights isn't respected. There are good men, they just don't get the help and recognition of being a good man. Which First Nation community will start the process? I cannot find a good woman these days because 11 year olds and 12 to 13, around those years for girls have started sex. And they take everything for granted as well they feel entitled. And women, female teenagers and girls have ranges where they have accessibility to some things.

A sense of entitlement, early pre-teen sex, Hypocritical Hypergamous Hypersexuality, socioeconomical accessibility, no Father's Rights, beliefs or values: only on Conditions that they provide or protect or provision. I know that there are toxic girls and teenagers that don't want to think of Father's Rights to defend or protect legally. They don't want to support because they are moral cowards. I say Hypocritical Hypergamous Hypersexuality because I am supposed to value myself based on the beauty of a woman instead of having true individualism. Everything that I am is based on how women are and how every man is supposed to protect all women: the criminals, cheaters, pedophiles of women. If a woman is evil she's not by her dispositional bias. That's not possible because of Women's Solipsistic Egocentric, Faultless Biases. Women wants the traditional man and wants all the benefits they could selfishly get. They don't know anything else because they haven't known anything else but S.E.B. 

Their range of sexual encounters can go somewhere between pornography, prostitution, sexual encounters/dating, and gay love. I know that I don't have any sex market value because so many women practice Hypocritical Hypergamous Hypersexuality. They figure they marry up, or have sex up they could live better. This competition where I have to better myself because of hypergamy is a joke. Knowing that I cannot simply enjoy reading for my own epistemic curiosity is because my biological mother's teachings wasn't based on my own inner strength and personal power, or true individualism. It was based on her. My real father hasn't helped out either. 

So I guess that women gets all the benefits of society. I know that I don't have any level of respectability because I got nothing for my own personal powers, relational influences and persuasions, relational effects and social tactics. I ain't supposed to have nothing to my own name because I am paranoid schizophrenic. My mind is useless unless it serves them (the women). 

A woman cannot abuse, eh? Why not? Aren't there pedophiles in women? Women are perfect? Criminally women haven't been documented because men are brainwashed to protect women. Captain-save-a-hoe kind of thing. I know that people believe that men are supposed to get all the crap. I don't want to live like that. I've been dealing with crap since I was a kid. I don't want to anymore! 

I know that I care and love but isn't self-love just as important as love for a woman? I don't want to revolve myself around my biological mother's cheating because she had been hypersexual. It was hidden away and I know that I'll need to get my own life ideally together because living sensibly isn't my real father's way. I know that my stepfather doesn't believe in me. I know that I was just learning my own responsibilities. My life have been consumed by the guilt of being at fault for being at the wrong time, wrong place. As a kid surrounded by addicts, criminals and fiends and pedophiles. I know that I was loved because I had weaknesses, vulnerabilities and disabilities I couldn't escape. I know that people love the fact I wad trapped in ways because of prejudicial authorities in my First Nation communities, outside and at other countries..I know that I was loved because I had no options, no freedom, no emotional sanity and no rights. As a First Nation kid who was disabled and trapped by other people's moral cowardice. I had to become resourceful, clever and serious. 

I want my sisters to have a blissful marriage. But I don't want to marry because I'll have to give up my own personal powers, freedoms and liberties. The step family's hegemony is accusing me and I know that I didn't get my justice because my Grammy was trying to keep me. The Morrison family of Eskasoni wanted me under such incredible controllability over the years that I couldn't think or philosophically cerebrate. I couldn't remember my life skills or skills I needed for money-earning. I've had an incredible controllability over my life since I became a child addict because their importance was lionized. And in their lionizations I had to suffer, endure and tolerate. Which my step family's marriage into the bloodline has been creeping and shit. I don't know what makes a criminal do bad things but becoming "evil" smart through social psychology, criminology and victimology. This kind of culturology has great influence in today's society, not for good memories but rather because everyone expects and wants their way to be the right way. I don't have to be open-minded because I got the life experiences, life skills, coping skills, the scientific knowledge, the level of education, training and driving level. I got the ideas and principles to work off of. I have everything I'll need to live my life without the family. The essentials, knowledge, expertise and extras. 

But they don't want to admit they are wrong well I have to move away from them and stay away. Who says that I don't need trade skills and knowledge to use? Who says that I have to work full-time employment at a professional job where I have to use my mind? I always use my mind through psycho-motor skills and trade skills and knowledge. I've been abused and I don't think that the Morrison family of Eskasoni would ever admit that they are wrong in raising me. There is no one out there for me as the lover I'll need. Wedding is a sham and I know that people aren't serious about their men's mental health because there would be Father's Rights, or Men's Rights. I wasn't chosen for sexual partners over the years in my own province. And I damn well know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or business or financial independence or physical features. I am a native with no real experience with sex other than being abused or used. Certain people have all the luck and I know that people make white lies just to justify their actions, or deny n' lie. 

It's been fourteen years in We'koqma'q community and learning that I don't have any attractive qualities. I know that in We'koqma'q community I am stuck because of multi-generational prejudicial authorities in Canada and America. They've practically made me sexless, dateless and jobless because they want me to work for Mawita'mk Society? I am an disabled incel who is trapped at Mawita'mk Society because I got no prospects or anything like that. I've been given garbage for nothing: no future or anything. Something gotta change and I am thinking it's me. I am stuck here until I lose weight and build muscles. Being schizophrenic and a former addict, I have to deal with certain substance abuse disorder stigma and mental illness discrimination. People's bigoted, stuck-up kind of sober life is stultifying me. I've been abused sexually, been financially abused and nobody wants to admit that they are wrong. They have some ego on them. 

I care and love my 4 sisters and have been wanting blissful marriage for them since day one. I wanted to be the uncle who has a Ph.D. and Red Seal papers. I wanted to be that knowledgeable. My human range of knowledge, information and readings have been a learning curve. I needed to think how I would do things with my sisters and how I would want them to have a good, honest n' honorable life. See? Since we started to measuring intelligence without Telepathy, women have scored highest on the IQ rate. So that means my sisters can learn from books, their schooling, from parents and from me. But I might be putting way too much pressure on them because they need emotional safety to be themselves. They are emotional creatures!

I think all of them are tomboys but having sisterial inputs have been valuable and creative. So with the dating scene do I use Rollo Tomassi and some things with Dr. John Gottman I could emotionally attuned into my sisterial world? Being emotionally intelligent n' emotionally literate, I know that my emotional inputs come from practicality and logic sometimes. These days I have to rely on my younger brothers to outsmart my sisters. I know that I have to guide them the best way I can. Learning personal leadership is learning life skills, routines and good habits of health. I know that I have a bunch of bad examples of ladies and I have good examples of ladies. Curly being one of them good ones. I've been in a Solipsistic ego-state of my own child and stuck where I was because of certain family members and certain members of the step family. I know that women impacting me is at Mawita'mk Society and I know that they want me to have a good fitness. 

But that's the thing; good women are the images for pedophiles and criminals of ladies. And knowing that I've been molested a few times I know that I cannot get a confession out of anyone because I am a small little guy who hadn't exercised or gotten into fitness for vindictive reasons. I've been struggling to maintain my goals of walking and exercising in ways of fitness and dance. I don't dance anymore because the Morrison family of Eskasoni are moral cowards in my eyes. 

But at the same time I have to develop my own coping skills ta see my own mental health path. I know that I need to live my life in routines of work, daily chores and good eating habits. I know that I am loved and appreciated but I'll need to thrive and revel in my own edification, education and enlightenment. Because those kinds of betterments are real here. I am diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and I have to consider my disability. I know that a small handful of people recover and the rest suffers it out. I know that I might have a deep emotional problems because my step family has put me through hell n' back. They considered it punishments. Dodo, Chuck or Charles, Gordon and Lori, and my stepfather who was a moral coward and allowed all this to happen. I've been punished for no good reasons. My step uncles should face court and Lori and Gordon. They all abused me in so many ways that their kids(except Gordon) has power over me. I don't know how to regain or reclaim my rights with the Morrison family of Eskasoni. 

They all hide because they are moral cowards. And I don't have any power of my own truths to stop them from abusing me. I know that I am hated when I speak my truths and they deny the facts that they abused me. The truthfulness that I used to have was an angry kid who wanted to escape the Morrison family of Eskasoni. But they had their incredible controllability and grip over me through the community. Everywhere I went exploring, they had to use their relational influences and persuasions, social powers and mental faculties to fuck wit' me. Learning that I didn't have any justice but they wanted justice. I know that I hadn't any real powers to get away from them. They made the John Morrison identity my identity. I couldn't think or have any considerations of the past, no examinations of my inner workings or self control over my own life. I was severely imbalanced and disempowered when I wanted freedom from them. 

Guess who was responsible for my facts and true evolutionand personal growth? A woman. More than ever I did not have any male role models in my life who wasn't connected or part of the Morrison family of Eskasoni. I know that I don't have any true individualism because I couldn't learn life skills from a book. My biological mother wanted the credit for preparing me for life eventualities or contingencies. I know that I did not have any male positive role models in my life because native people don't strive. It doesn't matter how free spirit you are or what part of the country you are from. I know that the woman I want has to have strength-based approaches, resourceful beliefs and useful suggestions where growth mindset, being financially motivated, career-minded, family-raised, community-minded, being economically aware and having a good understanding of cons and pros of individualistic independence. Self-sufficiency has been in question and I know that I need to start thinking about the pros and cons of self-reliance. 

There is an inherent negative bias and generational curses that leads people into something of a natural paranoia. Everyone is semi-curious but mostly naturally paranoid because of what they watch or what they'd experienced. I know that pronoia is the opposite of paranoia. So if they had pronoia, strength-based approaches, resourceful beliefs and useful suggestions with a growth mindset, positive can-do attitude and a Go-getter mentality. I know that their survivor's instincts would be less and the newer psychologies would take over. They just have to be open to change and not afraid. The Myth of normalcy has been an  comfortable misapprehensions and if they don't have that kind of comfort instead of a personally growing evolutionary Growth Mindset. I know that they won't survive the newer psychologies today because being "evil" smart through literature is building epinoia. 

There is pronoia which is the belief that the universe is conspiring to do you good. Having a positive, conscious mind where you could choose how your day is going. I know that I'm loved and I should believe in the goodness of the universe. But I think that I have to do some work on myself. Learning to use pronoia as a way to think of good ways to think. I think strength-based approach, resourceful beliefs and useful suggestions could work because I have Growth Mindset, Can-do attitude, Go-getter mentality and survivor's instincts. I think that's what my abusers are surviving off of. 

I know that looking at my past from another level in my own life. It seems that I'll always get better each year at Mawita'mk Society. I don't think I'll lack any support from Mawita'mk Society. I hope that I could get better each year at Mawita'mk Society. Learning that routine takes focus, commitment and understanding. I want to build a little empire or have Apprenticeships done under a good tradesmen. I want JPL Syliboy's Landscaping and General Contracting business in a few places. How to turn a swamp into an oasis of a yard through yard work? That's my life experience I have with my stepfather. Everything that the Morrison family of Eskasoni has controllability over because they don't want me to make the right moves in my own life. 

Learning that certain knowledge is forbidden because I am diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. I cannot take good care of myself so a lot of people are saying. They love to prove that my behavior is proof of their confirmation bias. They love to be skilled in holding people down, misguiding them and causing set-backs and stuff like that without consequences or moral responsibilities. Knowing that certain people protect their knowledge from me in order to protect their peace. People financially abuse me and love to get away by driving or paying for something I wouldn't want. I know that I was guiding them the right way and having no respect because I got no firm convictions to stop people from walking all over me. People think I'm a pushover because I'm nice and accommodating. 

I have mostly women telling me about toxic masculinity. They believe in this because of their emotional being. They'd never had any testosterone levels are good, than I have pride and self-esteem. I know that muscle mass makes a difference with training. Most people are moral cowards to admit this because it would ruin their game. I know that I don't have any muscular physical strength and endurance because my stepfather didn't trained me into being able to defend myself. Knowing that he has hated me but needed me to clear his image. I know that I don't have any good male role models in my own life. I have to figure some stuff out through books, pdfs, eBooks and other works that I hope to get. 

I was told that I don't have any strong business background because my stepfather didn't want me to succeed or thrive professionally in this world. So I'm stuck where he has left me off with NSCC Construction Trades Labor graduation, Adult Learning Program graduation and Unama'ki Driving School graduation. I know that I could market if I could get a good sizeable collection of marketing books. 

Anyways if I didn't give out all my money to friends and family, invested in a smartphone and had all the necessary online accounts for landscaping business, groceries shopping, hygiene and cleaning supplies, clothes and gas money to Sydney and back: for prescription glasses and specialized shoes. I would've been better off with my own life in Eskasoni. Getting haircut and a good clean shaves from a good barber. Invested into my hair and beard care, gotten them both stylized and got new shoes. Everyone in Eskasoni was saying that I'd owed them. For what? Because I gave a little extra weed and cigarettes? Because I did not want an online life? Why? Because they'd didn't help out to make my life easier? Nobody helped me out and everyone in Eskasoni made my life extra harder. 

Even my own blood didn't want to make things easier for me. They'd priced and made my trips extra expensive because they thought they could get a good scheme (when I say scheme, I mean an underhanded way to get money and that's coming from my sisters). They believe that I don't need to be paid back because I am the older brother, I should provide, protect and provisioned them. I know that I was financially abused and they wanted the money: believing that gas money they'd spent was a way to pay back. 

Am I ideally living? Working and enjoying my spare time? Which First Nation community will I end up in next? I am doing pretty good in We'koqma'q community. No crimes or no other people tempting me. I am dealing with an old past Demon of mine! I know that my step family don't want me to deal with my true feelings because they believe in their forcing. I know that I've been abused and people don't want me to access those memories because they are moral cowards. I am 38 years old, turning 39 this year and next year I will be 40. It's an effort to come  to my birthday because I am not well liked with what I have to say about the step family or family. 

In my twenties I didn't do much to get a job or an education. In my thirties I'd struggled with my weight and fitness. Lost functionality to a percentage of my kidney functionality in 2020. And when I banged my knee I had to draw blood out of my leg and withdraw from schooling in my thirties. In 2020 I was 35 and learning my body aches and growing pains. I know that I'd lost most of my business opportunities in We'koqma'q community because I'd lost my first transplant kidney. Yeah I had to admit defeat from my End-stage kidney failure once more, regroup and refocus on my fitness which I hate. In my half of my twenties I'd graduated in ALP and NSCC Construction Trades Labor program. I was 30 in 2015 and sober and clean. In 2010 I was 25 years old and embarked on a education journey which I sorely needed because of Educationism, not Educationalism. I knew that my hometown wouldn't give me a good job without an level of education and driving level. I know that I needed to work on my academic interests and have a good deal of original research done. 

I want to unlock the alleles in me for parapsychological reasons to pull off stuff. I know that original divinity comes from within and we have to be blessing our bodies in ways where psychological foundational knowledge of self-esteem, sense of purpose in life, a good deal of moderate pride in our fitness. We have to form the forms of fitness to a good disciplined habit of forms and repetitions in sets. Learning to think differently about Christ and the Vatican Church, has proven to be useful in cultivating the positive Growth Mindset in discovering our truest divinity within ourselves. 

Rethinking of Christ's messages throughout the Bible has been taught to me in ways of Instagram and YouTube. Hoping to get his books and have a good understanding of how far we've progressed and grown. I want to understand him! I have to believe in relationships that form my essence of personality because they assume leadership roles in my life but are moral cowards. The types of relationships had I was using gaslighting, deep manipulations and psychological warfare operations to maintain their hegemonic influence in ways. 

Women would do the opposite of things I say just for power play. I know that I have to maintain a good life at Mawita'mk Society and live my life ideally. It's just that I have to develop a thicker skin and a better sense of humor. I know that I'm struggling with my emotional self and I am, too an emotional human being. I am a sentient and intelligent human being that I have to consider for myself because I know that I'm targeted and focused on. I know that I don't have any inputs to the battles of the sexes and learning that I am still learning about myself. I know that some things disgust me and other things have straighten out for me. I know that I was targeted in Eskasoni because I was a single human being that was vulnerable and disabled. I had weaknesses that these people sniffed out and focused on. I wanted to date, to work to pay for certain things and have a good deal of my things paid and bought for. I didn't have ego-investing thoughts or solipsism or thoughts about myself to a reasonable degree and sensible life. People like to stay close to me because they don't want me to expose them as fuck ups. 

I wanted to trust somebody like how I trusted my older brother Steven Joseph Syliboy-Morrison and I wanted to have a good brotherhood. I know that I don't have any progress in Eskasoni because I was sick and malnourished. My granny Barbara I miss dearly because she was honest and real. Her sons and daughters are not. They lie, manipulate, gaslight and cheat me out of my youth. I know that I couldn't have a good life in Eskasoni because I didn't have any controllability over my own life. I know that I had to follow what the Morrison was saying, even if that meant denial of origin of knowledge and a sense of freedom. The Morrison had an incredible grip over my mind and I couldn't really escape their corruption because I knew that I was losing the battle they've created because they wanted me to be destroyed and abused. 

Learning that I had no ambition or power of discipline on my own. I had my own life in routine in ways because I wanted to develop and grow. Rob Shipley would call me at my most inconvenience because I did not have any full-time employment at the time of his prejudice was developing. He had plans for me and wanted me to follow him with a bad reputation. I had a worker's reputation because of my uncles and cousins and family that connected us through work and teachings. I wanted to protect my loved ones from their past of Indian Day Schools and wanted to develop a coping skills eBook. I wanted to base it on culture and tradition. And mindful work. 

Was I ideally living in Eskasoni? Simply working and enjoying my spare time on my own? Which First Nation community would I end up? I know that I am almost in my 40s and I still don't have any chicks or woman by my side. I know that people hate me because when I tell the truth they want their versions of things to be right. I know that I agree with them but I think that I am scared and don't want to fight. I know that I need to work on getting my own place in Eskasoni and have all my things there. And work and have a good life in Eskasoni. I am almost 40 and I've been living in We'koqma'q for fourteen years and everyone is making assumptions and stuff, I know that I don't know the working conditions in Eskasoni and I know that I want to see how I do in Eskasoni.  

I am almost 40 and have gotten a level of education, formal training and driving level. I am turning 39 this year and eventually move on to new goals and endeavors. I have done good things in my life and had something of a job in Eskasoni: an internship that I got paid in. I wanted to improve on myself by increasing my employability through professional reputation and development, career training and education. I want to see how far I can go with the value I have in the job market of Nova Scotia. Yes! I want to have my own place but where? Simply ideally living in a community isn't worthwhile. I know that I hadn't made any positive impacts worth my time. 

Billie Jean and Katt owes me from all those years of giving them money. They replace value with money and don't have any self-respect to take pride and have dignity of labor, Go-getter mentality to be satiated by the value of work. They had a steady income and a banking system with dad to live by. I know that my sister's didn't research the proper things for work. And no! I wasn't ideally living under Eskasoni Welfare because my half-blooded sisters didn't want to take financial accountability for their actions. They refuse to pay me back all that cash over the years that they owe me over the years. 

My sisters psychologically abused me when I wanted sleep. And they financially abused me because every person that came into that top bedroom when I did moved back home, was financially abusing me left and right because of my sisters. There was a lot of abuses from the Morrison family of Eskasoni when I was there and when I'd moved back home from Paq'tnkek community. Everyone wanted to control and keep me down to what they think I should be. 

Clyde Joseph Paul owes me money. Just because I'd moved to Mawita'mk Society it doesn't mean the physical abuses my cousins does, the financial abuses that everyone does from Eskasoni, and the power-deprivation or disempowerment that they've done doesn't mean abuse, which it does. It's power abuses. I know that for years I was taken advantage of because I couldn't develop the muscles mass that most enemies didn't want me to develop. Now there is a financial debt that's so deep that I cannot get my money back from them because they believe that they don't owe me. 

Longing for what used to be, ta make better choices and enrich my life with inventory of beadwork, woodwork, pop bottle collection and dreamctachers. Ta have oeuvre of copyrighted works to publish and hopefully get royalty checks from a good performance. I wanted to have a bunch of good reasons to live in Eskasoni. My life was based on suffering out my consequences with moral cowards denying, lying, manipulating and gaslighting their way from their consequences. I know that I don't have any male role models in my life because moral cowards lie and deflect. I know that I don't have any good relational influences and persuasions in my former life, questionable relational influences and persuasions in my present because the old has come touching base with me. People believe that I wasn't supposed to have righteous anger because indignation depended on how big you knew how to make yourself. I've been abused by Dodo, Lori, Chuck, Gordon and widely ignored by Billy Aquan. Knowing that I don't have the right memories to defend myself and get my justice. I know that Dodo has been lying his ass off because he knows where he has abused me. 

The hegemonic influences and persuasions have been detrimental to my mental health that I got some emotional problems nobody wants to help out with. Knowing that I have confronted one of my pains, I still have to go through more agonies just to explain my sensitive issues I have with the Morrison family of Eskasoni. They haven't allowed my personal truths to flourish or didn't allowed me to emotionally recover because they are moral cowards. I'm guessing that's why I have paranoid schizophrenic because of unmet emotional validations and recognition from the right people in my life. Learning that I don't have any respect because the Morrison family of Eskasoni wanted me under such incredible controllability over the years I've been with them. I know that they don't deserve anything but exposure and good deal of courts. 

What's the truth these days? Nobody is sensitive to my personal history. Knowing that in We'koqma'q community there are people that are willing to listen to me. I know that at least here they are trust-builders and the right kind d of people I need to talk with. I miss how I was in my younger years when I was 19 years old and twenty-something years old. Before half way to my life when I had that bad batch of weed. I know that I had a good life without thinking negatively obsessive about improvements in my own life. I didn't need Audrey, or certain women of addictions in Eskasoni because I needed to live my life ideally without addicts or smokers. 

I could've lived ideally without certain women in my life. But ah! At las I am just a dumb boy who many women hate for some reason. Knowing that I don't get any women I need; I know that I get women that I don't want. Addicts in Eskasoni. Learning that I've been sober, clean and smokeless since I've build a life here. I know that I'm at a stage in my life where I could return back home and work part-time with Eskasoni Band Office helping me out with my bills, Eskasoni Food Bank helping me with groceries, I could get Rebates and Tax returns from rent, GST, carbon tax, Disability tax return and a good sizeable collection of beading. 

Band Office hasn't done much to me. They've been professionally helpful and tried to help me with my papers. What I need to do is get a part-time employment with Eskasoni and have a good deal of positive progression in my life. I would be walking and dieting in Eskasoni because I know that I don't need to redo anything. I just need to do what I need to do. I am 38 years old, turning 39 this Friday and I have a few bills and needing money myself. I know that I have things I want to buy with my own money. I am 38 years old and I shouldn't be paying for my sisters' stuff, or for their kids. Knowing that I would be financially abused by Katt and B, they won't stop bothering me with monetary issues because in their eyes I shouldn't be paying or saving up. It's always spend, spend, spend!

I'm being bossed around financially by my younger siblings because why? I am their older brother and I should be providing for them? Why? They wanted their independence and they wanted money and kids! It wasn't my choice anyways. They wanted their independence and no respect from me. I shouldn't being paying for their kids, their habits or their snacks! They should have enough common sense when to eat and how to set boundaries. And financially I should be setting boundaries with them. That's been tough because they won't respect me when dad passes. I am paranoid schizophrenic and they would take full advantage of that. 

I know there is the inflation rate on the rise. I know that prices of living is going up and with a newer standard of living, we have to cover the cost of living. No more manipulations, no lies or hiding. I know that if they want to visit they would. But I feel that I don't have any respect for my personal finances or budget because Katt don't want to respect me financially. Am I ideally living at Mawita'mk Society? I mean my step family could get me at any time. Well my cousins and uncles of the Morrison family of Eskasoni. I know that people don't want to be honest with me because they fear something. 

I know that I've been through a lot with the Morrison family. And I know that I had my wars and beatdowns. I know that I don't fear because somebody made a logical argument of why I should fear. I've been through hell and back, they used to call me Pocket Hulk. Well that nickname was given to me by my older brother Steve and my eldest brother Luke. I know that I'm not liked by most people. Learning that people don't want me to use social psychology. I am not narrow-minded or narcissistic. I know Women's Solipsistic Egocentric Biases have served them well. I have to work on myself instead of look for women. They are costly and I don't see any woman in the present to have a shared future. 

A move is sad, I grieve for the past events and how nostalgic reminiscence of the grateful moments I had with Eskasoni community. I couldn't cut it and I was mentally and physically disabled. Which the Morrison family of Eskasoni wanted and so many people. That's why I don't trust people because in online life they hate you for no reason. They suckered you in and talk behind your back because they don't want to change. My first move was in Eskasoni, 74th street where I had my first home of hell and heaven. I could look at both sides of good and bad, have my own interpretation of my events or facts. I know that I had to move from 74th street because everyone was changing. 

My grief started when I was a young child, learning to identify my emotions and become verbally literate through emotional intelligence. I know that I had to build a good life in We'koqma'q community. I hope that I could move outta Mawita'mk Society. Prove that I could live an independent life. But again I have to be aware of my disabilities and how I have to work on my walking. Many changes over the years in Eskasoni hometown and in We'koqma'q community. Hopefully I can prove that I'm more than capable because I know that I have become emotionally literate to a degree. I could talk about ow many people have wronged me in the past. How I couldn't be a kid in Eskasoni and how I was changing in ways. I wasn't allowed to become emotionally expressive in copyrighted publications because the family had shames. 

I did not enjoy a good life in ways in Eskasoni. I was always working, getting beaten up and my stepfather, as usual, never doing anything about it. I know that the Morrison family of Eskasoni have set me up for addictions, humiliations and subjugation. They never were going to let me live my life anywhere peacefully, ideally or simply. Every time I'd met up with Ray it's usual bullying or something. I know with Dodo he hasn't apologized yet. They both made me felt like a criminal all those years. Considering their relational influences, hegemonic powers and social persuasions. I know that I was trapped by the Morrison family of Eskasoni because they were moral cowards, bigots and petty people. 

It's easier to love me for weaknesses, humiliations, low self-esteem and no confidence than to love me and accept me. Learning that Dodo don't want any consequences or moral responsibilities. I know that he has been controlling my brain and doing things I didn't want to do. I know that I'm not loved unconditionally because I always have to provide the same unconditional love, loyalty and respect back but with their sense of righteousness. I have to cope with Dialectal Behavioral Therapy or DBT Skills that suits them well. I know there isn't any moral development out of them abusing me. Learning that's what they don't want exposed and personal. I know that I have to set an example of how much I've tolerated, endured and dealt with through DBT Skills Training Manual, Neurolinguistic Programming and other psychological works that I believe in. They don't want me to choose my emotional regulation ways the way I choose to because they are harsh on me but light on them. I've been learning how I had to develop psychological means, wherewithal and usages of these mental health skills and coping skills set, to have to have to grant them forgiveness before the guilt process. I know that I've been learning that my sisters; Billie Jean and Katt have been learning my story. My darkly, secretive, insane story about child addictions and child sexuality in me. I've been fucked up about certain things because Dodo wanted it that way. 

Chuck is a different story. But to start where I had to be tough, strong worker and a failed warrior. I know that people are moral cowards and they don't want to learn anything or work together because of their prejudicial moral cowardice. People love to make up lies, cheat me out of my youth opportunities, destroy any innocence and art of listening skills. And have emotional damages happen with a drop of violence and discrimination. They love to financially, economically and physically abuse. And if they could take it a step further,which they've psychologically experimented on me. They would do it in a heart beat. 

In our shared struggles, if people are truthful and loving like my mother said. They would figure this story out and delved deeper into the psychological warfare tactics that Dodo, Chuck, Gordon and Lori have used for their cover-ups. Learning that they've talked behind my back and I don't have any respect from them because Francis is protecting Lori, Dodo's women are protecting him and Chuck and Gordon I don't know. It's a sickening affairs of things and that's why I don't want to come out with the truths of events before. It had my biological mother's life in the balance and she died a moral coward. 

Moral cowards I hate the most. They are psychologically dishonest all the time. They never initiate unless it's self-serving. And they break away when things get tough because they are moral cowards. They use much level of belief to the maximum, they assume everyone is going to let them win and they argue all the time when truth is supposed to settle. My stepfather has allowed me to live a type of psycho-sexual bubble of cycled hatred and indiscriminate hypersexuality where I was vulnerable and isolated. Nobody wanted this kid to succeed and everyone assumed their quick fix would settle everything when there is more psychological forces in situational morality at play. 

They understood that they needed my agreement, or acquiescence, to work their current knowledge of manipulations and psychological knowledge they'd possessed at the time, to suppress, repress or oppress me in ways which they independently choose to use in their ever-changing flow of reality. I know that they don't want to deal with certain consequences and in that the Morrison are supportive of each other with their supporters of their causes and wishes. The Morrison have abused me in so many ways that they became perverts which they love to cover-up. I know that they have protections and security, which they've convinced, persuaded and dissuaded the facts. Argued their interpretations of facts and events. They wait until a they could sense a change coming. They sense this because they love to manipulate me into the hateable kind of character. They know how to direct and instruct theirselves into a prejudicial authoritative kind of position in my life where they could cover-up. And this hinges on truthfulness told by me or a level of conviction or belief in my past. They are slowly, gradually paying attention to see what they could manipulate in my future, present and past. 

Learning that ideally living is living in safety, with a roof over my head. Having protection and people understanding me. I know that I have a bunch of good resources, good reasons, good perks, good benefits and a routine with different daily activities at Mawita'mk Society. I know that I have a good home here at We'koqma'q community because of Mawita'mk Society. Mike MacInnis doesn't care for me because he is forcing the idea to change my Band Status from Eskasoni to We'koqma'q community. It's not right and Mawita'mk Society is neutral grounds for disabled Mi'kmaq people like me. Learning that I don't have any supports to move back home and there are more workloads to redirect my pharmacy papers back to Eskasoni, change back to my doctor and get into routine with my Eskasoni Community Health Center. 

I want to become so educated, Certified and accredited in many ways of adult education, addictions, mental health and psychotherapy. That I teach and counsel much as I can with adults. With andragogue or adult teacher, I could learn a lot from NSCC, Unama'ki College and academies. I know that I want to teach adults because there seems to be a psychotherapeutic need for guiding the right group towards routine. People are so afraid to unbusy themselves for education. Plus I could create a in-community Adult High School through NSCC School of Access with Indigenous descendants. That'll be my most demographics. 

I am not done with We'koqma'q community because I want to get Certified, educated, trained and taught in so many ways in We'koqma'q community that I could have a hefty portion of my portfolio section of credentials and documentations where I could be employable in retail, food and beverage industry, a good deal of competency in every profession I do in Nova Scotia, Cape Breton. I want to know the measurements of certain drinks with prices. I know at Mawita'mk Society I don't match up with their criteria of being a man. With Nova Scotia being the highest tax rate in Canada. I know that I wouldn't survive out here because people wouldn't want any skills done. It's a hypersexual world and so many dangers of being on my own.

I remember being in that Mawita'mk Apartment D and enjoying myself. I know that I didn't get to get a prostitute in there. And getting a date while working, is a stress ball in all its considered factors. To a generation that don't value good experience versus virtual reality, I say that I want to experience a good deal of dating before I do say that I'd found the right one. I know that I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or business or financial independence or physical features or picture of health. But I could enjoy my life ideally without women. I know that I had a good life without women in my life before. They are bad examples of what to do anyways. They don't want me to be independently disciplined and routined by new psychologies and psychological works.

Everyone has their beliefs about women. Why would anyone want a badass? A Criminal? A known woman beater? This is the simple understanding of moral imperatives and responsibility that women impacting my generation of men. They don't want healing or anything like that because I got bad experiences with women. Captain-save-a-hoe they want me to be. Ideally living? I could say that I am. I know that women responds in fearful ways. They are naturally moral cowards with a prejudicial authorities in life. But that's nothing compared to the schools that have hypersensitivity towards everything. People are afraid of being canceled out.

Learning that hypersensitivity has been weaponized and used to vilify like the Inquisition,The Witch Hunts, The Crusaders and European Wars of the Church. And in Canada people are weaponizing words for the betterments of their causes. It's a global hypersensitivity that is at an all time level of reactivity, attitudinal issues and a mentality crisis. Going through suffering and defining it in ways; for the betterments of their causes and reasons has been a near-close weaponization of the psychological warfare tactics in discriminations and prejudicial authorities. They don't know suffering and tolerance of others. The moments that have defined the school grounds into hypersensitive, hyper-reactive grounds when it comes to truths and facts. 

Than again I don't know how dire it is in the ideas and principles of being free. Do we need to come up with a new philosophy of tolerance and suffering? Are we connected through common tolerance and suffering? When we endured do we connect and share? I know that I understand the transition of a transgender and knowing that I have to be tolerant, patient, enduring and suffering. I know that forbearance, perseverance, diligence, endurance: these principles was instilled in me by the Eskasoni Rehab. Knowing that I am straight but needing to say that because a lot of people are confused and suffering enantiodromia. I know that I don't have any respect as a straight man because I am paranoid schizophrenic. Knowing that ideally living is questionable these days. What's the maximum standard of living for a person to be comfortable? 

Eskasoni Rehab, my family and biological parents have taught me these principles and virtues because there was a lot of reactivity going to be in my life. So some says; Mawita'mk Society has proven to create an paradisiacal sanctuary ideally at Mawita'mk Society. I know that I don't have to deal with all that and I know that people can discriminate and be bigoted in a Solipsistic Egocentric Biased way. That tells me two things: one survival depends on your mind and soul or either you have a sense of entitlement and egocentric biases to cover up for narcissistic personality. 

So ideally living is protecting my peace and love, than I have done just that and had a good life in Eskasoni, Chapel Island and We'koqma'q. I know that I'm very appreciative of the knowledge and level of training I got in We'koqma'q community. I know that I have been learning women's health literature, a good deal of safety and security, a good deal of schooling that my sisters are going through with their kids, a good sizeable experience of freedoms and liberties. 

If transgender is going to question the masculinity of men, than the patriarchy I have to stick with is my stepfather, because my real father passed on. I know that I have been learning that most people want to question the patriarchal strength, power and skills that creates the habits, customs and routines, and culture of Mi'kmaq men. Yes, we have been infected by Colonization and yes, we are going to have to learn how to do it as a male role model. A positive male role model. 

But as we learn that suffering is a profound and disturbing event in our lives, much to my surprise; culture has provided meanings and defined reasons in my life. I have a good sense of purpose to learn as much about something that I can use to counsel and teach. I know that I want to be in mental health care but I don't think I'll be a good listener and advise or counsel. Grief is such a complex emotional event in our lives that we have to rely on spirituality, religion, culture, tradition and science, to help us figure out how we should proceed and what to cry for. My suffering defined (or logotherapy) have been a good way to research the culture. A logotherapist helps you define suffering out of meaning. 

I have a level of success, accomplishments and interests in my own life to figure out what the next set of goals are, to reach. I know that I have been learning that a successful writer is a person with explanations that are parsimonious and succinct. I know that technology, AI and Deepfake are some of the challenges of technology. And knowing that I have been learning women's challenges, men's challenges and the battles of sex. What will technology do for us. I used to be strong-minded about technology being good for humanity. Exchanging ideas and philosophy to create better philosophy and psychology. I know that I have been learning about Neurolinguistic Programming, Neuroethics and coping skills from DBT Skills Training Manual. I have books about these things and the diversity challenges and inclusion challenges and stuff. What's independence where individualism and psychological knowledge have in common? What's the survival tactics and tools to live outdoors, or to build a simple home? I know that I come from a good family to a good degree. I was taught well but I had to accept the corruption and demoralizations of abuses and secrecy. 

I had to become something that my stepfather hated. I know that uncle Dodo was a moral coward for many years and in my own life I had to put up with him. In Eskasoni I was limited and hindered, in We'koqma'q community I had accomplished and became successful in a few years. Considering that I want copyrighted publications and a good inventory of side hustles, I think I could live by myself and get motivated. If Mawita'mk Society hasn't washed away all my instincts and stuff.