The Proper Interpretation of My Life; The Beliefs, Values and Principles of My Own Life. Standing by My Beliefs...

The slave morality that I was taught by the women of my present, past and future have been learning that I don't believe in this type of morality, beliefs, values and principles of my own family. I was taken advantage of when I was 5 years old, learning to just speak. I wasn't properly equipped to do what I needed to do, to get the proper emotions out of me in courts. My biological mother died a moral coward and her legacy have been wanting more from her husband without communicating, getting professional help with her relationship or working on her marriage. I don't believe in the Myth that there is one soul mate for me. I know that my step family has been forcing beliefs, values, morality and principles into my life where I have to protect, provision, provide and prove Women's Solipsistic Egocentric Biases, Rights and Privileges of being powerful. I was taught that taking marriage vows doesn't mean a thing, having love in a relationship isn't enough, and that people's perversion of love have been sorely needed because they want absolution from God. Why am I supposed to do all the heavy work as a child of Diane Mae when she doesn't respects her own husband? 

Learning that people are hypocrites and wants me to submit to a slavish morality of giving up because I am not allowed to stand by my own convictions, values, beliefs and principles. Knowing that women get away with so much because there isn't any Father's Rights, Uncle's privileges and Rights, and Brother's Rights, Convictions and Values. There is a whole host of problems with marriage. No one in my family, step family or extended family don't respect my beliefs, don't want me to stand by my convictions, wants me to have the same old values system. I don't believe in the religious/romanticized myth that there is a one soul mate. Women chooses men who are bad because they are idiots to begin with. 

They'd chosen somebody they feel that primal attraction to because they are sluts in general. Women cheat and don't get documented about their crimes or anything. Still have the Familial Relational-Prejudicial, Hegemonic powers, influences and persuasions of the family authorities. Women don't take responsibility like men do because they are moral cowards in their Solipsistic Egocentric Biases. They are faultless in their stance and don't want any real meanings of moral suffering, emotional tolerance and physical endurance. In Nova Scotia women are using their child as money grabbers only. They aren't earning their ways or dealing with the World's responsibilities, Influences and powers on male conscience. The good men get vilified and that's accepted as Hegemonic Rights and Authority. 

With the proper interpretation of my life I know that people forced their beliefs and values on me because it's mostly moral cowardice. A certain way of thinking gets approved because of women? Doesn't that seem anti-intelligence? Or epistemophobia or Gnosiphobia? Sex is easily available, accessible and ready for them because they have beauty. But a man have to learn all this and work on himself in order to learn about the battles of sex, the supposed scientific knowledge of women, the Father's Rights not in courts. And the ideals and principles of good men. Women have easily demonized men because it's in history. But women doing crimes goes unnoticed. I have no respect from people because the general public doesn't want to hear the other side from men. They are moral cowards and don't check the validity of truthfulness from both sides. Learning that emotional Intelligence takes a whole different dimension in courts. 

I am indoctrinated into women's Solipsistic Egocentric Biased Beliefs and Values system because of the old ladies I have to deal with. My God is the God of the Multiverse. Learning that Dodo wanted to control everything of me at the beginning, shows how much of a moral coward he really was. My biological mother have oppressed me intellectually, repressed me emotionally and mentally controlled me. She died a moral coward, a slut and a lesson in life that women aren't perfect. That's her legacy. 

I have a fundamental goodness biased comfort where women don't do wrong; where men are a symbol of strength and endurance; where they are incorruptible and determined. I know that Mike MacInnis don't respect other people's beliefs, don't want me to stand by my convictions; don't want me to re-interpret my past and confront my demons. Everyone is saying that two wrongs don't make a right. In social psychology, that's what they should apply to themselves when it comes to my inner child. The theory of multiple intelligence is where people are smart enough to be dumb, hateful, full of negativity and more. I know that I don't get to re-evaluate my past based on their moral cowardice because they haven't faced their penance, repentance or guilt.

I know a bunch of old people are trying to hide from me because they figure that they could lie to me. I don't know Ricky or Lolie, but I am forced to respect them because they want to be called insightful, wise and honest. If they were honest about my past they wouldn't bother me with certain shames or anything like that. I know that the real conversation happens when I'm not there. Something a moral/intellectual coward would do. People love abusing their powers, privileges, hegemonic influences and relational persuasions. Cowards would pick on the weak and leave the scraps to me. Knowing that's how the Solipsistic Egocentric Biased, Superficial Efforted, Hypocritical Hypergamous Hypersexualized hegemony of the world's prejudicial authority is, I know that I don't fit any colonials beauty standards or any beauty standards because I am hated on. Gnosiphobia and epistemophobia have been about anti-intelligence methods, control and power tactics and conquer, disinformation methods and relational persuasions techniques. They think that their Solipsistic Egocentric Biases could save them from self work. They've been moral cowards since they'd cheated me out of my youth. 

I am anti-authority because it's more of a honest way to be. A philosophy of non-judgmentalism, neutralism and brinkmanship have been about peaceful thriving. Being in harmony with the beauty of nature, biology, zoology, and culture. Diplomacy is a part of therapeutic skills set if needed. Perfect criteria for being a Skilled Counselor. But I am not a counselor and I don't have any skills to guide people. I've done unguided/told counseling but I know that helping people with heart-breaks (emotional trauma), physical disabilities and vulnerabilities is something I cannot just do without experience. I heard the same old stories of traumatological life experience. I know that people need the right conditions in therapy. 

I know that I need to redeem, forgive and accept my biological mother's uses and methods of covering up pedophilia like a moral coward. The proper re-interpretation of my life is that the adults in my life allowed childhood sexuality get to me through certain social engineering, psycho-spiritual manipulations and coaxing. To meet a person known to my family, ta get sexual encounters going, when I was a kid. Learning that the shit hit the fan, I know that I was shown love and respect for adult moral cowards. I don't deny my step uncles but they should look in the mirror and see what they have created educationally. They've indoctrinated me to accept evil into my life; forced my hands to be "evil" scared when I should've been "evil" smart. 

Because of the Gladue factors and principles I have to heal without them in my life. Knowing that I've been living ideally without them before, I knew that people wanted me insane that way they could rip me off without evidences, [which the RCMP don't do shit for stolen property]. And the step family's hegemony is crueller than any tyrants. They hide truths and facts that they get exemptions for. I know that Dodo is such a moral coward that he would wait for something like this. I know that I'm hated on because workability, viability and meanings in my life. Plus I was hated because I was an addict since I was 5 years old. I'd struggled on and off since I turned 5, until I'd moved to We'koqma'q community. That's when certain members of Eskasoni considers you old enough to get high on inhalants[the age of 5]. They call it Hong-Konging: Sniffing out of a Jerry gas can or something.

I know that dipping into my past have greatly damaged some things. I know that people haven't told me many things. Learning to re-align myself with strong convictions that that this generation was simply wrong to begin with. I was frozen in a state of mind that I couldn't escape. My own mother driven me emotionally insane while Dodo piled on. I know he is the king of pettiness, abuses, manipulations, gaslighting and narcissistic personality tendencies like covering up truths. Everything I've been taught by the male elders of this community, my mom's hometown, every First Nation communities have been wrong. If women want to be independent: they have to bring something to the table. Independent women don't need a man to provide, protect, provision and care for them. They want to be equal as a man[like have a dick] than I think that the transgender will do that part. My step uncles don't believe in Father's Rights, Privileges and Verification Supports because they don't want to prove that men are good. 

I want to build a good career explorations path of my own. I want to do good quality work excellence with the We'koqma'q community's approval perception, system and learning of my professional reputation. Once I have built a professional, full-time employment career reputation in We'koqma'q community as a Communication Officer, as a good businessman in JPL Syliboy's Landscaping and General Contracting business, and drive my people to the proper locations. I hope that I understand We'koqma'q community's geochemistry and geophysics and geobiology, to understand what I need to beautify and what needs maintenance and stuff. I want to love this place so much that my business expands into other First Nation and non-First Nation communities. With a BA I could be using We'koqma'q Proud Instagram and YouTube, to showcase my skills as a commercial, residential, professional and industrial landscaping construction company. I want to learn from the best in Nova Scotia Apprenticeship Agency. 

I know that I've forgiven my mother but Dodo is another question. He forced my hands to accept evil instead of being "evil" smart. Dodo has always been a moral coward and deflects, denies, lies, gaslight, and manipulate like a woman does but better. I know that I don't rely on those control and power tactics because I know that love for truths would bring him to the light. I know that he has been controlling my every move, interested in my sexuality and wants to be my father because my stepfather has done a banged up job. His hegemonic influences and relational persuasions have affected me but deep down I know that he is a classic abuser. Thinking that he could argue himself out of anything. 

Anyways I believe in acceptance, forgiveness, tolerance, forbearance, endurance, temperance, wisdom, respect, humility, courage, peace, harmony. And my scientific beliefs are Neurolinguistic Programming, DBT(Dialectal Behavioral Therapy) Skills Training Manual, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Psychology of Discrimination and Prejudice, The Critcal History and Philosophy of Psychology, The Inner Palace: Mirrors of Psycho-spirituality in Divine and Sacred Wisdom-Traditions. The good books of mind. 

My religious beliefs and faith that there is a true God, not the false God of the Testament but rather a True God of the Multiverse. I believe that we can tap into these realities through sciences, physics, and philosophy. If we could just open the mind to newer thinking and evolve the third dimensional thinking into being. Maybe we might break the fourth dimension. 

Ricky thinks that u need NA and AA. He believes he knows it all. His experience is limited to psychology. He doesn't wants to believe that I've had lived without NA and AA. Mike MacInnis and Ricky are trying to usd a hegemony to determine my beliefs, truths and values that they consider false. They both don't want me to stand by my convictions and tell them off. They are faultless in their heads. Ricky Gould has a mouth on him and I know that I don't want him in my life. He forces his beliefs on to me like last night. And so does Norma Gould. Mastering psychology for their beliefs, stereotypes and values they want me to give up with trying to move back home. I know that a hegemony is crueller than any abuses, in this world. It isn't respect that they are after but authority in my life. Learning that Ricky don't shut the fuck up and respect other people's beliefs, truths and values. Epistemologically they want the hegemony because they are moral cowards. I don't force people into believing in me. But Mawita'mk Society and others I've met up with have been using hegemony to convince me of just that; Eskasoni is bad for me. 

Knowing that I don't have to re-interpret things. I know that it's broken: the spell that Dodo had on me since I was a child. Learning that I refused to fight because I was counting on Dodo to break this spell of darkness. In my life I've been surrounded by addicts who made me felt emotional insanity to get their way. Instantaneously covering up pedophilia and truthfulness. The re-interpretation of my life have been thought of as a moral cowards' world; where my anti-authority is a critical history and philosophy of non-judgmentalism, neutralism and brinkmanship because I want peaceful thriving. People consider my level of knowledge and say that I don't need re-interpretation of my life. This re-evaluation have to happen with the person I trust most. And he is dead.

Because I am schizophrenic I am not allowed to re-interpret my own past because the supposed adults in my life didn't want to admit their wrongs. Moral cowardice have haunted me since I became spoiled by their liking of my weaknesses, vulnerabilities and disabilities. Dodo didn't want to become responsible because he wanted to manipulate me into a position where my stepfather hated me. He convinced me that he was the cool parent in my life because he would allowed certain things. It's fucked up but I couldn't really defend myself because he would want to harm me and call it punishment. He defined the barrel where I had to crawl out of, to get my own food and drinks. Food wasn't a right, drink wasn't a right. I couldn't have Comforts in my own life because they'd figured I would give up on returning ta my hometown. Moral cowards ganged up on me and wanted me to suffer financially, economically, religiously, professionally, spiritually, intellectually, mentally and emotionally. This kind of corruption/suffering haven't helped me in my moral development. Dodo's moral cowardice was the leading factors and values that he'd used for his personal powers. His moral cowardice have haunted me since I was a child; frozen in corruption and demoralizations, he has lowered my intentions, standards and conditions of my own mating. I am hated because everyone wants to teach me a lesson in Eskasoni and First Nation communities. 

I know that Rosie is one person that's grieving but regular paydays I want; so I might as well get to re-evaluating. My past have been wrought with the counseled positions of hating Dodo. My biological mother put me there and some girl coming into my life, determining that she's sick of that same old story of hating on my step uncles because why? She wants to cover up pedophilia? 

Why does she wants to get into my life anyways? She is nobody with me, and I don't care if she's friends with my sister Katt. Katt financially abuses me anyways. I know that she thinks she's doing what's necessary to get the money but she is using family in the wrongest ways. She takes advises from people that supports her the way she wants to be supported; financially and through drugs. 

I don't want to be stuck in the past; ruminating on scenarios I should've had figured out in the moment. I know that I want to re-interpret my past with my stepfather because Dodo has always been a moral coward in my eyes; a classic abuser/user/narcissistic personality with solipsism and egocentric biases. I know that he has been wanting the credit for being good without the connection, consequences and value of moral imperatives in his life. You are a moral coward because you see as a moral coward and have an modus operandi  as a moral coward. I don't want any ignoramus in my life telling me what to do. Or an old man thinking he could find value by telling me that I need AA or NA. I've heard the addictional stories before but people uses tricks of my mind to newer lows. They don't want me to learn about my own inner modus operandi. I believe in works like Dr. Marsha Linehan and Dr. Richard Bandler who I have been reading. Dr. Gabor Matè, Dr. John Gottman, Rollo Tomassi, Dr. Daniel Goldman, Dr. Carl G. Jung, Dr. Eric Berne and others who have made my strength-based mode of operation a positive, can-do attitude with a Growth Mindset and with epistemic curiosity. 

The proper interpretation of my life is that I was taught well to be strong-minded, strong-willed and clear-minded. To use mindfulness techniques and other coping skills at my disposal. And use much as I can with adults around me when I was a child. That's how Dodo manipulated me when I was a 5 year old child into his submission, acceptance and forced forgiveness. I couldn't overcome my emotional struggles because he did not cared for me but adored my weaknesses, emotional vulnerabilities and disabilities. Yeah I was taught to stand up for my convictions and say it right. I had personal leadership skills and professional skills I could use in Eskasoni. I should've invested into my own smartphone.

I heard that my old place on Horseshoe Drive Apartment was burnt down, so Billie Jean says. She's always trying to belittle me or manipulate me into position of thoughts. I don't know why, I taught her well in her childhood. She takes her frustration out on me by little things like lying to me. Knowing that I could find out anyways. She controls my emotionality and behaviors, or what I say because she is a hypocrite. The Morrison family of Eskasoni don't want me to reclaim my hometown home. The Morrison family of Eskasoni used me up and socioeconomically ruined me. 

Billie Jean wants to act like a mother without the actual responsibility of a mother to me. So she wants that kind of hegemonic powers, relational influences and effects, and personal persuasions? I know that she don't respects me because she believes in disablism and ableism that she sees. She hasn't earned that title because she isn't my step mother or biological mother. She's my baby sister and I've wiped her butt when she was a baby, to feeding her and burping her. I took good care of her. I am supposed to be intuned to my emotional sensitivity because that's where moral cowards could push me around. I have to be tough physically and mentally, emotionally and intellectually. I have to be tough where I have a brave (emotionally) reaction or a brave act of intelligent composure, intelligent wisdom and/or level of violence when it comes to certain people. I know that moral cowards don't want me to put in the work and training to develop my muscular strength and endurance. They don't want me to have physical power and martial prowess. 

With Catherine (Katt) have taken me to places where it was dangerous for me. I couldn't think or focus on things because the kids were brats, the place she took me. My medicine went missing and my money and my wallet. The brats snuck into my pockets and I felt so unsafe there. I couldn't really enjoy the food or company. I couldn't really escape or control anything. And I'm the older brother, I should say when I give money or when I get to go somewhere fun. I know that she didn't mean well and she was trying to prove her hegemonic powers, relational influences and privileges, personal persuasions and social engineering. My sisters uses me left and right; don't take personal accountability for their financial abuses, and wants me to accept the facts they are more powerful than me. 

But I know that I could live my life ideally, with no responsibility or any kids holding me back. They are growing up without my protection, wisdom, navigation and skills. I know that Billie Jean won't allow masculine training (fortitude, character, prowess, strength and endurance). I know that Billie Jean doesn't believe in certain things because she believes in her own world. You're taught morality, masculine moral/neuroethical imperatives, man's foundational knowledge, men's wisdom, respect and trust. And the ability to use creatively and resourcefully the full extent of his prowess. 

I know that she loves me to feel helpless, powerless and with no information, or with disinformation, or misinformation because she doesn't want me to plan my money accordingly. I am not allowed to save up my money because everyone loves money; greedy bastards who owes me big time. I know that I need to keep working on my goals and endeavors in my present, for my future goals and endeavors. Thanks to Mawita'mk Society I have to save little money. I know that they've made me to be "Small Money" Johnny Pete. 

The feelings could be manipulated and convincing. Dodo had his ways to fuck with me. Learning that he wanted me tortured, abused and emotionally fucked up because I slept with his daughter. I know that he set the example in being a moral coward, not to be intellectually brave and have my hubris emotionally inundated and high. He wanted me to associate his hegemonic influences, privileges and supposed rights to a relational persuasions of a set up for absolute humiliations, corruption and demoralizations where I've given up. He harmed me in so many ways that his toxic irresponsibilities have guided me into trusting him like a woman. He has seduced me into thinking that life would be better if I allowed him to date my biological mother. 

There are two sets of morality in this world: Slave morality and Master morality. The conditions and submission to a master have detrimental effects in my life. Yes, I was a child addict but Dodo didn't care for that. He wanted me to forgive and accept everything, which I haven't. The "Slave" Morality submits, follows and accepts the stronger person in your life. Dodo taught me that muscles matters because true morality would've maintained integrity no matter what. Dodo have twisted my sense of timeline and sequence of certain things. But slowly, I am learning how certain people have affected my life at a such young age. In my memories I could feel that kind of "Slave" Morality, the dependence and slowed progress of thoughts and feelings. Dodo wanted me dominated, vilified and hurt. His moral cowardice have taught me that adults don't have any consequences to their actions when it comes to truthfulness. 

Mostly Eskasoni people wanted me under "Slave" Morality because they are moral cowards themselves. My "things" are out in the open and knowing that Dodo wanted to kill me because most men in Eskasoni have wanted me to fail or even fall apart. And the ladies hate me too, because in Eskasoni I was taught that there is a lot of work attending birthday parties, celebrations and other community events. Just to get beaten up or threatened. The conditions they've created for me; the ways they've taught me. The ideas and inspirations for more. I know that it was to torment me in many ways. How do I become "evil" smart? Simply by reading and prevention methods and relational persuasions. Independence was a question in my head where I did not want the dependence, acceptance, submission and following from conditions, privileges and supposed rights of "Slave" Morality. 

Truth is what's guiding me to reclaim my rights. Dodo and Diane Mae (my mother) have been oppressing, suppressing and repressing my memories for a long time. Which because of her anti-intelligence methods and relational persuasions, I had no choice but to assume my role and position as a victim unprocessed. Dodo have created a monster of emotions that my stepfather, or therapist don't want to bother to open. My family don't want to deal with my true feelings because Dodo have convinced me of delusional years of heaven and misapprehensions of grief, anger and other emotions I had to write about. I'd lived a paradisiacal sanctuary where I couldn't explored my emotions without Dodo or the Morrison family of Eskasoni's permission. They would correct my thinking into a frozen state of unbiased, hardened and delusionally happy, stigma-free states where I had to accept Dodo's and Ray's and Chuck's gaslighting. Bi-sexuality has a good interest in ways but I don't think I'm motivated the way I used to be. I know that Dodo and my mother have destroyed any innocence or sanctuary I had in that home. 

People don't want me to process my emotional self without being able to defend my mother. I know that love is incomprehensible, a lot of enantiodromia, confusion and blurred lines, a lot of misapprehensions and a terrible burden on men and women when it comes to a breaking point. The Solipsistic Egocentric Biases and the Complexes that Sigmund Freud could've figured out. I know that the ego-states and ego, id and superego have similarities in Adult Ego-state, Child Ego-state and Parent Ego-state. My ego-state is the Devotibio, a baser line of Mi'kmaq Relational Managerial Consciousness, or phenomenological system where we have the potential to share the human struggles of commitment, discipline and routine. People haven't mastered their emotional states of prejudicial authorities in their own subconscious areas because it is a post-truth reality we live in. The stereotypes that we have can lead to bigoted responses and such psychological warfare in discriminations and prejudicial authorities in society, that we haven't been able to identify anything. Something still have to change and demonizing men isn't the answer because of misandry. 

Slave or student morality? Who is in favor of learning reality? I know that life skills I was taught, was thrown at me. I couldn't remember the next day because I drank and smokes weed. I know that I was learning based off of my needs. But to put academy into perspective, what's the use of learning academically? When life skills, doing taxes, apply for a loan or doing real life mathematics isn't taught by the teachers? What's the use of academic grades when it doesn't apply to my nature? Learning that I need to eat, pay for groceries and cleaning supplies, clothes and gas money, bills too? What's the use of doing school when real life learning requires life? 

Knowing that student or slave morality have similarities in penitentiaries and historic enslavement of work with little or no money. I had to learn Indian Residential Schools from families, or TV! The shady history of the Vatican Church and how the Inquisition happened with the Witches' Hammer! How the Seven Year War happened for kings and queens, my ass hole brother needed the truth before he died! The toppling of government and Church over the ideas that don't bleed, or cry! I know that I was loved but to what degree? I'd learnt greatly gratefully from family because I needed pride! The positivity of real life solutions and DBT, Neurolinguistic Programming and other psychological works that have helped me! I know that I was loved but couldn't properly processed the thoughts without sexuality. There is a long history of shady things with the Vatican Church and knowing that they provide the perfect oppressor to fight against. What is school for when we think of the multiple abuses in schools? The shootings, the openness of racism, bigotry and hatred. The bullies, fiends and pedophiles? What is school for? 

We haven't touched bases with the inner frozenness of our souls let alone the DBT Skills we could use in coping(if needed). But considering how fucked up life is? People have been wanting more solutions for their worries. The proper interpretation of my life is that I've been through hells and heavens, pitied many and lost my human perspective at a young age. I know that I was a child addict at the age of five years old, barely a thought came into my mind. Only truthfulness. That's how I was programmed to hide their truths. 

My life couldn't be better at Mawita'mk Society. I have challenged their perspectives on Eskasoni, have challenged the ideas and freedoms I have here, to leave any time I want to. Which is an exciting prospect for me in the future. Having this paradisiacal sanctuary,  ideally living at Mawita'mk Society like a little child. I could act like one and I would be treated as one. I could act like an adult and take the initiative and responsibility of taking care of this place since Mawita'mk Society has shown me a level of care I needed at the time. I know that at Mawita'mk Society I am completely dependent on them but at the same time I want to take charge; I am way too comfortable living at Mawita'mk Society because it's safe, alcohol and drug free, stigma-free and helpful and supporting in many ways. I have Benefits, Services and Perks at Mawita'mk Society. And I know that the leaving policy is that I could leave any time: that remains open doors. 

I know that my step parents have made this shared move to better my life in ways where moving to Eskasoni could be a viable option. If I had my BA degree credential and other credentials. Hopefully I can make good here and keep working on my level of education to move back, with the backing of We'koqma'q community professional reputation, level of education and driving level, and fitness. To keep my muscles alive. The proper interpretation of my life is changing because I need to expose my step uncles because they are perverts, bad examples and moral cowards that have gotten away with so much. 

Dodo's relational manipulations have been broken and learning that I need to reclaim my own life, beliefs and values. Epistemologically I am good, educationally I am good, I just need a car and full-time employment. Or work on my driving goals to get my licenses: Beginner's, Newly licensed, R licensed and fully licensed driver's license. Three stages I have to go through in order to work on my driving goals. Pedophiles hide behind their muscles and want to destroy whoever hates them pettily because they want to outpetty everyone instead of learning truths and words and philosophy and stuff. 

My uncle Dodo was an influence in my life. He was the cool uncle that the accessibility of things happening in my life because of his secrets. I had a good bonding experience with him, through cultural identifications of plants and tree sap. I knew that my cool uncle could talk to was something of am addict. My uncles was pretty cool. I knew that I could get away with certain things and in that I had good feelings associated with those songs. With Dodo it was drugs and alcohol. With my Uncle Glen it was painting and trades. With my uncle Chuck video games, music and food. They all taught me moderation is an balancing act. And in that comes price and a willingness to do business transactions. My step uncles wad something that I'd enjoyed with a general music video taste or something that dealt with the culture I was living in. 

Technology was a wonder. And I know that my uncles taught me well. The moral imperatives I had was not to do wrong by anyone. Not follow the ten commandments. Well they do come across but learning to live a life generally by morals. I had to tell my story one way or another. RadioShack was a gift from the business world. 

In my world I've been friend zoned by Mawita'mk staff because that's their limits of professional relationships. I know that in my life I don't have any good reasons to move out of We'koqma'q community; out of Mawita'mk Society because there is so many benefits, protection, understanding, services and perks I have here that I know that I'm still emotionally invested into this paradisiacal sanctuary that creates a healthy, safe space. I was used of such discriminations and prejudicial authorities where such manipulations have happened, with treatments and distinctions of such superficiality that I know there is enantiodromia, confusion and blurred lines in Eskasoni. 

Learning that a chronic conditions I have is something that nobody wants to care for. I know that I've been living ideally at Mawita'mk Society's Ni'kinen house and I know that the friend zone was meant for losers but in Mawita'mk Society's case I think that these women can be forgiven. I know that I wouldn't be their best choice, or first choice but at least I am living with a level of proficiency, professional care and sympathy that I could get out of here any time I want. 

I know that my uncles and cousins have taught me well. I know that Dodo manipulated my feelings and gaslighted my thinking because he wanted me blind from his wrongdoing, moral posturing, gimmick and social imagery in all this. And he has covered up pedophilia because he is a moral coward. He wouldn't admit his wrongs because he has been a moral coward since the day I'd met him. He taught me how to think like a moral coward and act pervertic. I know that he has been teaching me to think because he thinks himself some kind of personal psychologist to me. I used to look up to him but as the years progressed and I was broken from his spell; I'd did know his whole disinformation methods and relational persuasions. My independence has been something of a natural paranoia that he has created. 

At Mawita'mk Society I could leave any time I want to but again, I am emotionally invested into this place and I want to explore my own brain, psyche, body and soul connection. Knowing that Dodo have wanted his deepest emotions for me instilled in me for his purposes and selfishness. I know that morality is such a profound question for me because I am hated and disliked for being independent, intelligent and thriving by people like Dodo. Who supports him, I don't know. My entertainment has ranged to fictions in books, video games and movies. I know that they are fake but I know that I could enjoy the fantasy. 

Most people don't know how to think right. I was taught first by Billy Aquan who have been my blessing because he knows truths and facts of my life. Learning that's where being emotionally literate, invested and regulated comes in. I know that my psyche is their summer home. I know that I have to be aware of certain "correct thinking" qualities and submodalities. 

I didn't have to go. I have all the coping skills and everything I need to live a good life. I'd heard the stories before; I was a child addict going to NA and AA in Eskasoni. People there knew that I needed help and they figure that I could be well protected, valued and respected in ways of having my mental/emotional status in my head. 

The proper interpretation of my life have been about; learning about the good, the bad, the ugly and evils of life. The same old stories that have been perpetuated since colonization. I know these stories and I've heard them before. They were traumatized at an early age; someone introduced the alcohol or drug or inhalant, and taught them how to ride it out. 

These nights with NA & AA in We'koqma'q community makes me miss Eskasoni in this way. I wish that I was sobering up through these meetings and enjoying a level of education, training and driving level where I could get a good job and full-time employment in Eskasoni where I was financially independent, thriving economically and had the social medias and everything. I had something of a career in landscaping, pop bottles recycling and garbage removal. I didn't do it professionally but I was something of a pop bottle picker, garbage taker and Welfare recipient. I would take the garbage to dumpsites in the community and leave them there.

I kept busy in Eskasoni and I know that I had internship in Eskasoni in my twenties. I know that I'd loved the routine of regular paydays, I supplemented my welfare in ways of doing odd jobs, chores for family, pop bottle recycling, landscaping and carpentry. Now that if I move I have beadwork for my own repertoire. Now I have a few credentials, skills and knowledge that I could use for myself; to be a productive and sensible member of my cultural hometown. I want to move back to that old apartment in 50 Horseshoe Drive because I have a list of credentials I could use in Eskasoni Mental Health or Addiction Services or for myself, to be better at my job. 

Right now I don't need the money but it would be nice to feel the working hands again. These days I had cream or moisturizer from science that my stepfather bought. I took good care of myself because of my stepfather. Now I have papers to prove that I have the credentials and training to build stuff. I just want to build an inventory of beadwork, woodwork and pop bottles in my own shed and small garage. I want to build a good home out of that little apartment. 

But first I need the backing of We'koqma'q community so that means I need earning trust through professionalism, hard work and sharing of knowledge. First I need to work on my fitness and enjoy my walks. I usually clear my head for those matters. I know that I don't have to go NA or AA in We'koqma'q community. I know that I miss Eskasoni apartment because I wanted to build a happy home. I wanted to practice cooking for friends and family, I wanted to set up a Communication bundle in that apartment, I wanted to put a car or truck in that driveway. I wanted to stay sober and learn to get along with emotionally getting over my troubles with that apartment. I wanted to rebuild and expand, and then add a small garage. I wanted to put lights and cameras in that apartment. And have supplementations of my incomes. I wanted to get my education while living in that apartment. I wanted so much but I needed help. 

Hopefully I can keep the good work going and doing activities in the house has became a routine. People steal from me because they think there isn't any consequences. I want vengeance when I move back. I'd need to work on myself through fitness, nutrition and walking which I'm doing pretty good. I know that I could keep this momentum going. I just need to keep lifting the weights in a self-continuation cycles of rest and where I keep physically improving and getting physically stronger with muscular physical strength and endurance. I want to become fit for landscaping or carpentry where I could be employable, efficient, sufficient, self-sustainable and independent. I'll need to have resting periods from these cycles of fitness, nutrition and walking. I need to keep a good long-term, commitment with these cycles until I become very strong. 

Trying to improve my mood, muscular endurance and strength, my blood pressure and General overall health. Mike MacInnis is scared that I'll become too strong. I didn't peaked or gotten into any sports because of people that don't believe in me. Eventually in my future I will move back if We'koqma'q community wants to back me up with being a professional in JPL Syliboy's Landscaping and General Contracting, or if I could get my BA degree or professional driver's license and Class 5 fully licensed driver's license. There are a few good jobs I want to explore with We'koqma'q community. I want to build a 10-year professional, Full-time employment career reputation in We'koqma'q community where I put in much as I can with my level of education, to the Google Calendar and scheduled out my days with a second transplant kidney. 

While I'm in We'koqma'q community I will get much credentials, copyrighted publications and successful businesses in We'koqma'q community. I just need to do the Firearm Safety courses in Eskasoni. I want to be in my own place in We'koqma'q community (With my Eskasoni Band Status until I can get my Certificates, licenses and firearms). I hope that I could do all these side hustles and professional jobs in We'koqma'q community that I have a good professional reputation, relationships and friendships in We'koqma'q community. 

I want to move out of here when I'm good and ready. There are aspects of my job I want to improve, aspects of my fitness and nutrition I want to do and put to practice in cooking. I have Mawita'mk Commission Sales on top of Comfort Allowance I get paid by. And than the money I get from GST, Carbon Tax, hopefully Disability benefits, Christmas bonus from my Band Office, acting and Pop Bottles labor I do for Mawita'mk Work Program. My name is "Small Money" Johnny P and I know that I could do more at We'koqma'q community. So I have bills and that don't cover enough for it. 

If I was living in Eskasoni I would have Eskasoni Welfare as my main pay, or a full-time employment. And this side hustle I hope to capitalize on in my bedroom. If I could add Disability benefits in my checks and than get GST, carbon tax, tax return and Christmas bonus from Eskasoni. I would still act and collect pop bottles for recycling labor. If I could use Darlene for accountancy and keep that benefit from Mawita'mk Society. I would be able to start a good friendship with Mawita'mk Society after I move. 

There are couple of benefits I could use from Mawita'mk Society. Like their access to events, conferences, concerts and shows that I could use the money for. Everything I want is to create a friendship based on mutual respect, affinity and love foe the person. I want to have a good deal of positive progressions, impacts and inventories in my apartment when I do move.