Still I Want to Move Back Home...?

I know the difference between independent thinking and shared thinking, independence is that independent thinking where I critically be  thinking for my own budget, instead of paying extras and having to be stuck without food. I know that I don't want to live in a regulated place where my sexual charisma is dampen and no woman wants me. Well, I could live alone ideally, without addictions, parties or anything that would set off my psychosis. I know well enough to say no. But the culture of active addicts suggest that they don't know how to stay sober through tradition, heritage and culture. I know that I want to share my knowledge with people, I want to build on that kind of intellectual confidence and communicative self-assurance. I hope to have those linguistic self-efficacy and work within my realm of self-advocacy. My abilities have been exposed to potential friendships and experience that intercultural discussions within my homeland could start. I know that moving back I wouldn't have those kinds of opportunities to teach the culture, heritage and tradition of my people. Addictions through the culture have been the oral traditions of darkness. Addictions can increase chemically oxytocin (pleasure-love hormone) which immersive games can create but going out on dates and getting a girlfriend can do the same thing too. I know that i had my fair shares but I was overestimated in my libido and couldn't really control my sex drive. Than dopamine (reward hormone) which can be when you go for a long walk and make it back home, or do a few small tasks or get small victories or wins, or do a writing project and see what you could do. Start small like write down words from an dictionary you are interested in and learn off of the website  Than you have your serotonin (level of happiness-mood stabilizer hormone) which can be when you reflected over the years the good memories of a place. And than you have your endorphin (the good suffering hormone-good pain and eustress) from a exciting river rafting, or a good fitness sessions over the past two weeks, or working at a job or doing something. You see that's been a good example of how feelings of addictions can be replaced by good stuff. 

I don't want to go back home because I want to get high. I want to help out much as I can until I learn enough to do a Certificate programs, Accreditation programs and University degree programs. Universities, colleges, academies and schools are meant to teach your options, skills and knowledge systems. And to let creative-emotive self-efficacy thrive in a classroom. I have learned that my biological parents have allowed such leeway to let the student be empowered to do it. 

I'd realized, through my workethic I was valued and appreciated by certain people in Eskasoni. And I am valued and appreciated in We'koqma'q because I have worked on my academic goals, goals of walking, eating properly and lifting weights. Goals of becoming independent enough to live on my own, goals of getting more training and Certifications, and now to get accreditations ane more professional Certifications. I want to get Dalhousie's Certificate program in Counseling Skills Level 1. And I hope to build on my current knowledge with more knowledge of counseling and more mental health skills. 

I know that I want to build a warrior's body through hard work, dedication, workethic, technique and mastering my own mind and body connection, which through Neurolinguistic Programming, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, logotherapy, DBT and other therapies I've mastered my mind-body connections with fitness and outdoors activities when I was a kid and teenager. 

I know that the hegemony (the working assumption of the Elders' version of what's right, being right and doing right) is what they want to assume on me because they are dying. That's no excuse because they are religious, colonized and stuck in their ways where they cannot see their own faults, or accept their own faults and don't want to do anything about it, or they are morally lazy? I find that certain elders hide behind religion when it comes to right and wrong distinctions. My stepfather thinks that he has control over my belief system because all my fucked up family thought it was appropriate to leave me with them. I did not have any choices when it came to my own beliefs and values. Epistemologically, people manipulated my senses and confused me at a young age. It's easy to manipulate a child's mind, I know how to believe in science, therapies and philosophy. I believe in a Multiversal Great Spirit. There is a Multiversal Bond we are all born with. 

How do I forgive when I was abandoning my teachings? I wasn't! I am simply saying there should be an philosophy of age instead of a working assumptions of power. If ya'll comfortable with my struggles, not focused on my successes in a positive light, than I know that we aren't on the same level of education, health and constructive self development. I've focused on my trauma, I've put in the work and analysis of myself. We aren't in the same stages in life where "I" worked on myself. Mawita'mk Society's generosity and care have guided me into actionable plans and goals where doable is achievable. And planning to stay sober, is where my sanity matters and I have to advocate for myself, as well do and plan for myself. The same repeats of mental hell hole isn't where I want to be because Dodo has a vendetta over my inner child. And knowing that I've been suffering because Dodo wanted me to be scared since I was a child. I knew that the Morrison would say anything to keep the power over my mind. 

Nobody in Eskasoni wanted me innocent because they used aphrodisiacs as a means to enhance my lust. To a supersexual state where anyone would do. I know that I am hated because I am not dark enough, not strong enough or don't go with the flow of their bullshit. I am an anti-authoritarian and I hold knowledge to be freeing and a good thing. People in Eskasoni, other Mi'kmaw Nation communities and in my own family wants power imbalance in me. I know that I don't have any real powers, connections or physical prowess because I am power deprived. They are comfortable with my weaknesses, vulnerabilities and disabilities because they are moral cowards. 

I am used to being alone. I don't necessarily have any circle of trust or friends that would make a good childhood friend. I feel that I didn't have any philosophy of age leeway because they wanted me to submit to their aggressive confrontational pointing out. I know that I am hated and controlled by the Mi'kmaq Nation  because I have no real career in my twenties. I got Eskasoni Band benefits but that's about it. I feel that I could get serious about my fitness and still be able to do what I need to do to prove, work, earn, think, move, do and perform. 

I know that I've faced many obstacles and issues but losing one's mind is upsetting. I feel that I've been communicating what I need, for motivation and a few goals. Strategies for success, I know that I have to get out of my comfort zone again and build a physical endurance. I know that people wants me dependent and obedient because I don't have any team attributes. But I know that I have to be this Mi'kmaq who wants to learn the language a little more, remember the culture like smudging ceremony and stuff like that. I feel that I have Tolerance (Frustration Tolerance from REBT and Distress Tolerance from DBT) which immersive focus I could get used of reading again. 

I feel that I could seriously and immersively focused on my fitness where I could get that kind of physical/emotional strengths again. I know that those feelings can be misleading so I don't trust them fully. I have a healthy coping and dealing with doubt for my own creative process. There is 4 general stages to creative process, one of them is preparation, the second is incubation, third is insight and the 4th is manifestation. I see that the 4 main general creative process is where people can tell you've been thinking about the situations and how you've been influenced. The poetry I write are an expressions of me but how can I have some cultural relevancy when it's a Indigenous perspective kind of thing? How can I bring people to my world and work it into the Indigenous contexts of Intergenerational Legacy, generational stereotypes and forgotten years, how can I work it into a more personal and insightful way where I stay on point and tell a story? With the writing state, you want to combine the poems into a more "real" meanings and feelings of the culture. It's not the ideas that I want to write out but rather the story of how I began to realize the difference in allies, bigots and Indigenous life. 

Being an alethiologist in ways, I know that relational influences and persuasions techniques can make it into my poetry. I know that the biggest emphasis is on extreme individualism because Dodo wants his way. And I have to figure out how he'd fucked with me. I know that Bill, Chuck and Dodo wants my head because I think they've abused me. I think they've buried my memories into their twisted game. I am hated that much. Aphrodisiac-induced crimes happened to them when they wanted to abuse but they abuse their power over me through hegemonic influence and persuasion, through drug-related sexual enhancers and addictions. I am not perfect by any means and nobody wants me to admit human weakness. Moral cowards with cowards' moral weaknesses. They don't want to admit the possibilities of that kind of harm for any child. We'koqma'q Mental Health and Addiction services don't want any family issues rise from the deepest depths of darkness and crawl back out. They think that it is eternal biological moral weakness. 

Beliefs and values make all the difference. The very idea that bioethics can work their influences, without critical thinking and submodalities, we are protectors of our own sobriety and trauma-free emotional Sanity. I know that I do recognize the very fundamental neuroethical sense of independence, creative freedom and critical thinking where we can figure out how these people (Mental Health and Addiction services people) are afraid when they aren't perfect themselves. Not everyone is perfect because of certain disabilities, but that don't make the healthy person right all the time. Doing it right requires a kind of joy and happiness in a common sense kind of way. This kind of lifestyle (which Dr. Alfred Adler have coined but it is used in ways and styles of living) have been something of a improvement on the quality of life (def: refers to an individual's overall well-being and satisfaction with their life, and perception and attitude of their position in life, encompassing various aspects like Health, Relationships (Social Connections), Personal Circumstances, sense of purpose, abilities to pursue hobbies and interests, balanced work/life moderation, life skills, level of safety, comforts, luxury and security. As well material goods and assets of the house. And financial conscience and budget, professional discipline and integrity, value systems and opportunities). 

I'd used to think that I'd traded my independence for the targeted dependency and obedience to a people willing to walk all over me. That's been my communal experience in dealing with mental/mood disordered addict. Mental health and addiction have similarities, which I am kind of familiar. I'd used to think that I was going to be stuck in dormancy, for my dependency, reliance and compliance to my own people that took care of me. I still think that way but I am more curious, cautious and careful with who I hang with. The aphrodisiac-induced temptations, or "tests" I've been through when I was a child, was because the step family didn't want me to lose my standing in public. 

Many years I've thought this way ("my fault" stinking thinking) because of my disabilities and disadvantages, addictions and trauma. People love to shit on people instead of lifting up. I am growing with Mawita'mk Society and communities, where I think Eskasoni has changed but I know that I am hated in ways.

I've grown, in the 15 years I've been outside of Eskasoni, to a experienced person, of jobs, career break, job shadowing, work term and paid internship. And now I will become a professional volunteer because I have forgiven and moved on. But as I grow with Ni'kinen house, I find myself liking where I live because I am starting to become a more complete Indigenous man. I know that I'd always had a sense of purpose, dignity of labor attitude if pay was good, sense of service and professional discipline and integrity of professionalism. I was taught not to have musical barriers but have an openness to music, which can be therapeutic. 

I know that I've forgiven my step family for what they've done, that I've been abused by them and I couldn't get justice (through aphrodisiac-induced temptations) they've convinced me I was evil. I could see that I didn't have any good standing in public for accusing because I didn't want to destroy this. I wanted drug-free, alcohol-free, addiction-free, unbiased and wise living in a sober, good, happy, sane, safe, loving and productive, continuous improving, healthy, real meaningful, easy lifestyle holistically. 

I'm changing... through these changes, the step family's grip is loosening and I have to show my bravest, greatest, and my strongest loyalty. Than again there is power imbalance.

The Big Move to We'koqma'q community was the greatest choice I had. Home is where the heart is, where I am appreciated, valued, loved and respected. Where I care and where I can show that kind of care because I realized myself, and self-actualized, because all my needs are met in the Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. I realize myself and realized how I was played on... by everyone. My standard of living in Eskasoni, from my quality of life in We'koqma'q, have changed greatly... no wait! Drastically. I don't have any woman by my side... yet! But I am working to be a good person. 

The lifestyle I have is great. I have a good life in We'koqma'q community. I know that I have this fierce loyalty issue with certain people. They don't want to see me succeed but want me to give in. I know that I don't have any real choices because I have been ignoring the conscientious choices of my past. Allies of convenience? Or allies of the Heart? 

I know that the key players of real love are gone, in that I need to stay away from certain people. When I had my real dad's house, I was grieving and a lot of people pressed me and discouraged me from moving into my dad's place. My step family, Mawita'mk Society, bloodline family kind of stayed out of it. And the Sipekne'takit family wanted me to sign over papers. I know that family are tricky, manipulative and stubborn. They refused to let me process my grief and loss of my real father? And they didn't given me a chance to consider my options, work out plans or strategies, or have healthy discussions about my dad's place. Rosie seen money going away and Eskasoni didn't give a damn. I know that family isn't supposed to be trusted. 

But I know that I had a place and in that I didn't need a house. My bloodline uncle did but I didn't. I find myself settling for We'koqma'q but have Eskasoni Band status because that's where all my funding comes from. For fifteen years, I've been focused on myself through therapy, education, training, Psychiatry, driving level, job shadowing experience, college trade, work term and professional job. I know that love will save the day and in that my stepfather loves me and wants me to thrive. Loving the fact that I have a strong foundation, was taught workethic, pro-active sense of commitment, dignity of labor, have part-time job experience with We'koqma'q One Stop, have paid internship with Eskasoni. And I know that I have an enrichen life experience in First Nation communities. I have a strong-headed belief and value systems. Loving the reality I am in, I know that I love how my life turned out to be. 

I know that the Morrison's hegemony (working assumption of their version of being right and doing right, earning right and proving right, learning the right way and seeing the right way) has encompassed my life since I couldn't move away from those kinds of situations. It was a forced decision that I couldn't really control my own life because the Morrison had my False Bloodline Pride in their favors. The Ideal Obedient Child theory, the Ideal Independent Child theory has been their perfection of crafting their favorite beliefs and values into my life. Essentially, they'd experimented with me through aphrodisiacs, addictions and traumas. They gotten their vengeance but I couldn't get justice? These theories are based in Extreme Individualism on a child because they didn't want the responsibility to be their's when it came to certain hegemonic/relational influences and persuasions techniques. I believe in suffering in two ways, Good Suffering which is called eustress and it's associated with fitness, walking, motivation and energy, a good amount of work and volunteer work. I know that they've created a delusionally-induced sense of happiness because "You'd needed to get laid!". 

Unlike my step family, I tried to figure out how to make good, right and positively powerful changes in my life. Dodo has been my main focal point because he has grown into my memories with violence, bullying tactics and manipulation strategies. I know that with meanings, memories and experiences they've created a Morrison Hegemony where I couldn't tell certain Justice of The Peace, gain family supports or have any self-trust the Good, Right and Strong convictions-Indigenous Independent way. I knew that none of them wanted me thriving because I couldn't choose my own path. 

What's true independence? I know that RCMP won't believe that there was drug abuse in my childhood, with sexual abuses and drug-related crimes. I know that I have been worked on since I first experienced and explained my position with the Morrison. Nobody wanted me to get any justice because they wanted me to suffer. It's like I had to control myself chemically and with the energy I was given. I know that my bloodline family didn't want to support me because they heard one side of the story. The terrible side was that the Morrison got to my family first and I'd discovered what vengeance was like in my bloodline family's life. They've given me aphrodisiacs and drugs and alcohol, fucked me up and made me out to be the bad guy because they wanted me to confess what they wanted. So, I know that I didn't have the backup of my bloodline family because of my biological mother and step-family. She didn't care for my justice but her vengeance and my fuck ups because they didn't want to take responsibility for their relational influences and persuasions, their addictions and negligence, and their mis-uses of justice system. 

I didn't even get a chance, knew or figured out my arguments with the Morrison family because they had everything figured, they knew what they've done and they wanted vengeance. That much I know they wanted with my life because I could see that they've considered all options and ill-intents, and gunna take actions again because they wanted me weaken and trapped. I know that I am stuck here because Eskasoni isn't a safe home. I don't have anyone on my side if I am darken. And learning that I am a harvester of language and alethiological epistemology, I know that my Morrison family is into power and control. I have to face the discriminatory practices of the First Nation communities. Some colonized, others still not sure of Mi'kmaq identity, and others having existential crisis. 

We'koqma'q Mental Health and Addiction services cannot see anything from a Criminalistic, Neurolinguistic Empathy. Nobody wants to go exploring those dark thoughts because they want to keep their own work lives away from certain family members. They don't think or respect the human experiences of darkness. Addictions through their power struggles have been a petty struggles morally. I know that I couldn't do what I wanted to do because I was taught workethic, pride in earning, proving, doing, educating and learning myself. I think I am extremely independent but a lot of them wants me to give in to "Interdependence/dependency" and "obedience/compliance" because I have a darker life in Eskasoni. They create team competition because they want to separate or teach younglings how to divide and conquer to justify the trillion dollar in business. 

Whatever the justifications of violence, bullying tactics and manipulation strategies they do, I know that I am still working on how to live humbly and peacefully. I know that I am not that attractive because I don't have any attractive desirability or qualities or characteristics or traits or muscles or height or riches or extra curricular activities or careers or business or financial independence or physical features or services or sanity or personal independence or any sexual identity that would make a heterosexual woman come to me. I know that I have to play this celibate because I had no good experiences in Eskasoni. Learning that people don't care for me, why should I have "Interdependency" with my hometown or any First Nation communities? They don't satisfy needs or wants, they cover their asses and look for out family because of favoritism and nepotism. Me? I am still learning my sexual market value in First Nation communities. And in other allyship communities. 

I know if I made any moves to move out, I would be stopped at the doors because true independence is a myth for a native. I feel that I don't have any social connections to have safety and food security. I don't have any sustainable ideas for living self-sustainably because I've lived in Eskasoni. Learning that is drama central, affecting the ways I have to live because nobody wants me to thrive in that community. They want drama to unfold and they want my abusers to be embolden with empty power. They can be "real" because they have supporters in the First Nation communities. 

In the 90s as a kid, I had time and outside fun. Crafting my own bedroom into a reputable collection of comic books, power rangers, star trek action figures, and so many things I could've gotten because I had such access to money and work through my stepfather's Small Community Pop Bottles Exchanges Operation. We had a good life in Mickey's Lane. I felt pretty content with having a lot of collectibles. But as my drunken and ignorant step uncle destroyed my opportunities. I had to deal with a bunch of ignorami (a bunch of people who are ignoramuses). 

Lacking knowledge and not admitting they've destroyed my minted collection. I still say that I want vengeance for such travesties. I still have memories where most of the Morrison family have entered my bedroom and ruined all of my stuff. Proving that they are lacking skills in taking care of things that are in my bedroom. 

Clumsy and morally lazy, they choose to convince and influence me in ways where I couldn't really protect my things. First sign of my independence and they rumbled through my things like they don't give two shits. Ah! I'm grieving for lost opportunities in my childhood and teen years. I was so fucked up that I started out as an ideal child-obedient and hard working, depending on my stepfather for some cash. And I know that I had to deal with a lot over the years, learning to be patient, trauma-sensitive and culturally opened. My stepfather didn't want me to learn what was necessary to live a good life. Well, actually a fiendish friend didn't want me to use my place properly because I had no choice but to live my life (depending on this person). I know that I could've self-motivated, self-directed and choose to keep going with my small mony-makers. 

But as I grew, I'd noticed every opportunity I had to make money was stopped by the Morrison family. I know that they've grown since the 90s and early 2000s. I feel that I have a bunch of good life experiences with certain people in Eskasoni. But I know that I was forgetful so badly that I was grieving what used to be. Progress-focused was difficult because I wanted to drink and have a good time. But I kind of hanged with the wrong crowd because certain toxic, dysfunctional friends wanted vengeance over me. I know that I couldn't really control my own body because of I was learning that chemistry (neurochemistry) had a psychopharmacology history of power. 

Learning ego-investments and ego-developments from social/family psychology, neuroethics and psychoethics, Multiversal Theory and Metaphysics, Relationships/Friendships psychology, and psychoanalysis and Transactional Analysis. I know that I have books I should be reading, researching and studying, not in those orders but how I feel to research, study and read. Usually I read first and than get a dictionary.

I know that I was forced into a sex life that the Morrison family wanted to prove my sexuality. I know that sexological implications of their enforcement of a sex life was because they wanted me darken, addicted and stuck with toxic women, toxic teen females and how they'd reasoned was that I should prove my sexuality because they wanted to know, when I was a child. I know that Dodo and Ray was behind my damnation and I couldn't live ideally with my stepfather. I wasn't properly protected and safe from aphrodisiac-induced crimes. 

I know there is a type of stereotypes and discriminations with Band Status, type of skin color (prejudicial colorism) and age (cultural ageism). This could be because the Band Chief and Council can be an reminder of the Colonial Mindset to have intersectionality of self-ageism and bigotry experienced through gender, race, sex, nationality, or disability. I know that I've been taught that stereotypes (generalized belief of a group or person), prejudice (negative feelings and attitudes towards group or person) and discrimination (acts and treatments, or mistreatments of a group or person) have led up to a murder. Being stereotype-free is what we have to de-stigmatized a group or person. An unbiased, strength-based approach is what we have to use. 

They have to come up with a comprehensive plan action in a systematic pattern of freeing the negativity from psyche. I feel that I want to come up with an educational comprehensive plan for closing the gap between these generational wars. My family is smart and I know that I could rely on good people like Billy Aqan, Curly Aqan and Billie Jean for inputs for such a plan and implementation methodology or methods. Ageism can come from punks too, so I have to consider the safety and security measures for a hometown community. 

I am not allowed to stand up for myself, judge character of a person, think for myself or make decisions for myself because of these intersectionality of stereotypes, prejudice and discrimination through Intergenerational Legacy. I am not supposed to be independent because I don't have any good track records in Eskasoni. I know that I am hated that much and learning my role as an anti-authoritarian, the community doesn't respect me when it comes to my own control over myself. Billie Jean wants me to be disabled more than her, and so many others. That's what Norma thinks, Sheila and others who want me to give in. 

But in perspective, I have a safe place. I have people that want me to have a healthy, active and pro-active, productive and sensible life in We'koqma'q community. I was used of waking up to a schedule that was my stepfather's Small Community Pop Bottles Exchanges Operation. And in his care, I felt protected to a degree and had to deal with bullies and drunkards. I felt privileged to be under his roof, it was safe and a well respectable place (in a way). 

My life kept changing for the worst too, I had people in my early adulthood, breaking in and stealing, making a mess and trying to use that intersectionality of stereotypes, prejudice and discrimination in layers of intergenerational trauma, curses and stereotypes. I know that I didn't have any good reasons to move back home right now, but as I keep on thriving, learning, earning, proving and doing. I feel that I could eventually get my goals done and have the best of both worlds; Eskasoni visits and Mawita'mk lifestyle. 

I know at Mawita'mk Society; the cons are that 1. I don't get laid (I cannot bring a lady to this place because it isn't mine), 2. I cannot bring friends here unless they've been sober or won't do drugs or alcohol here, 3. Mawita'mk Society doesn't protect me from other residents and staff, 4. It's a shared group home, it's dangerous with certain people here because of certain mental/mood disorders, 5. Certain people want me to live ideally sober here because I got schizophrenia, 6. It's safe/Unsafe here because there is a degree of dangers and threats I have to face, 7. Shared washer and dryer, residents don't respect their hygiene, health, my finances and other aspects of my life, 8. Control and power is here, the morality issues and how I couldn't defend myself because I wasn't taught discourse in power.

Those that have power in a relationship with me has no need to respect me. I find that more power that Rosie, Darlene, Sheila and staff give to the Elders, the more nobody needs to respect my privacy or to leave me alone. I am forced into a situation where I am in a shared group home and I am expected to give my personal power to these elders. Nobody wants me to have my own personal leadership because through social engineering in relational influences and persuasions, I am stuck with a bunch of old people trying to manipulate my beliefs and values. They give power to the Elders and I have no space, vehicle or anything to myself. 

There is no boundaries in a relationship with me. I know that I have to set up strong boundaries and standards of what I want. I don't want anyone making me forget or doing something they want when they want. I want to be a positive impact in this community because I feel that I could; learning Adult High School through Adult Learning Program. I know that I want to build a good life without bullies. I want that kind of sense of humor with joking. But they've ruined that too. 

There isn't any boundaries in a relationship with me when it comes to elders. Power-craving and control freaks, I have to deal with siblings and family and elders who want all the power in a relationship. Something like sociopathy because they don't respect anyone. I feel that I don't have any respect for my beliefs and values in We'koqma'q community. All these biased scientific outlooks they have on solitude. I wonder who keeps sending me videos of these sciences because I know that biased science can happened, much ad control and power in a family can happen like religion and government. 

I know that Mawita'mk staff cannot ever be equal to me because they have to have professional power and control in ways where I cannot make any decisions for myself. These type of staff members don't know how to reach me or motivate me. I know that I'm hated here because not a lot of people giving me privacy, the chance to talk (they want me to shut up), or have a healthy set of boundaries in a professional partnership. I know that these women are probably toxic personally, exchanging sex for claiming properties, stuff, items, things and belongings and possessions. I feel that I have been wanting to move out for some time; Mawita'mk Society has been getting more comfortable in showing their nasty side. They got a home and places to go, me? I am stuck with a shared environment where potential dangers and mixing of clothes, stealing and selling stuff happened before. Mawita'mk Society doesn't protect me and I am hated here. Clyde loves me weak and generous. I know that I don't want to be stuck here.

It seems too hot to exercise in a gym or anywhere. My options aren't that great and I have to learn my languishing role because what they call "aging", is preventable through fitness, calisthenics, walking and gym fitness and nutritional tasty renal diet. I know a certain mentality of independence and solitude can help. But nobody leaves anybody alone because of community populations. I cannot be left alone because I know that I'm loved for my weaknesses, debilitated states and "aging" languishing. 

Self-sufficiency is not needing outside help for satisfying, getting or fulfilling one's basic needs, especially with the production of food and natural cleaning supplies, hunting skills and knowledge systems of the land. Self-sufficiency is where independence is intellectual humility for love, respect, gentleness, hunting traditions, beliefs and values. A critical thinker can adapt and change beliefs according to new information that is concrete. A critical thinker has a healthy, strong and independent foundation from family and friends. Independent thinking is the ability for me to critically think, form my own beliefs, informed opinions, make decisions based on my reasoned thinking, well-reasoned judgment and information; and evaluate what values are important to me, instead of relying on situational forces, collective wisdom, external forces and public opinions. The external influences, pressures of conformity or the prevailing opinions have been wrong before when it came to living a good life.

I could quite possibly work in Eskasoni with the amount of trade/job skills I have in my portfolio. I have my pick in what job I want, I have my ALP education-. or food industry (since I did had my Food Handler's course before), I got my trade Certificate and credentials (I could work anywhere in Cape Breton-be it construction, landscaping, roofing, warehouse and labor job, drywall, lawn maintenance, forestry, laboring or any other trades), janitor job (WHMIS and OHS I could renew, and ISSA-Canada Cleaning Management Institute Custodial Technician course I could get). Just to name a few I could work in.

I also have tons of mental health skills and training for Eskasoni. I could work there. Another ten years here and I'll be 50 in the year 2035. I hope before then I get my fitness act together and start doing what I need to do for serious calisthenics, weight lifting and Judo referee. I want to become a "Special" Certified Cape Breton Judo Referee. 

I know that in real life, nobody respects me when they are addicts. Personal agency and numbers of addicts can make a difference. Knowing that I won't stand a chance with living at Eskasoni. Learning that I don't have any respect from certain addicts and fiends. And then you have the RCMP who does Wellness Checks and kills natives. I know that RCMP doesn't respect native people; knowing that I got over the nostalgic feelings of romanticized memories. I know that I don't have any real protection from family because I know that I have to provide my own protection. 

Than again, learning to live with my pains; I am learning to thrive with shame and the heavy weight of childhood addictions. I know that nobody wants to accept what they've taught me. Yes, knowledge is powerful and impactful to a child. And no, I don't think criminals wants to admit their wrongs. 

I miss living in Eskasoni and I do want the best for their mental health. I hope to create a 10-year, wonderful memories in We'koqma'q community where I have all these Education, Skills and Certifications in my rèsumè and portfolio, where I can make money and have my BA degree schooling part-time on the weekends, online. I hope to have my full driver's license and truck by 2026, hoping to have my BA degree before 2034, before I am 49. I am getting training much as I can with We'koqma'q Mental Health and Addiction services. I hope to become well trained, at least experienced a few times and well educated with We'koqma'q Mental Health and Addiction services, Unama'ki College and Canadian Mental Health Association and LivingWorks. 

I want to have Dr. John Peter Syliboy, hopefully, I don't stop learning when I do get my Doctorate in Counseling Psychology. I hope to defend the Inherent Reality Bias that has been given to the RCMP. I know that Counseling Skills are needed and in that RCMP are afraid to confront their historical demons. I want to have debriefing experience, counseling experience and Doctorates in Psychotherapy, Counseling Psychology and Psychiatry. Hopefully, I can get a good understanding of psychology and psychiatry with historic traumatology teachings. 

It's 2025, October 1st, 11:04 pm and my 40th birthday passed last month-September 13th at 4 pm. Ten more years here and it'll be 2035. I'll be 50 years old-no closer to having a 25 year career. I hope to have 25 years in We'koqma'q, starting from 2010. And I hope to have a fitness and outdoors walking (good sweat-losing weight) kind of journey. I want to return to Johnny's Gym and hopefully, become fit enough where I lose enough weight for my ideal weight. Everything felt like it stopped when I had to go back on dialysis. 

Let's say that I started today with my career. I'll have to be 65 years old before I can finish a good 25 year career. Especially in mental health because being on the schizophrenic spectrum had impacted my life. Hometown Eskasoni hasn't showed any interest in hiring me and learning that Norma had a rich life. I know that I don't have any respect because of my profesional reputation. I have human respect because of my disabilities. I feel that I wouldn't be able to make it on my own but I would be able to because it's just doubt. I know that I want more Certificates from Dalhousie's Certificate program, DBT Skills Training and other Certifications I need for a counseling position. I hope that I could become CMHC Facilitator, SMART Recovery Facilitator, an experienced counselor and Bereaved Families of NS's Living with Grief Program Facilitator. I hope to become a Mental Health First Aid First Nation Facilitator, and have many other Certificates in my time of training. 

Masculine apatheia is the inner epinioa of harmony, mental equanimity and inner masculine strength, where characterized by freedom from destructive emotions, or unhealthy passions. I've learned that we all have control over our habits and routines if we want; through Neurolinguistic Programming and Hypnosis. I've believed that our imaginary depth and scope, nature and calibre have an inner epistemologically epinioa of our own inner universe, or inner Multiverse. We, as men sheathed our sword but have it ready and full of destructive energies if necessary. 

The discipline for this kind of Stoic philosophical state has a meaning where we are manly strong but goal-oriented, masculine-traditionally energized but sheathed where we get in touch with our inner child. The changes over the years; from boy to man, has impacted and blown our minds in ways where we learn masculine discipline. The 90s have impacted our boyhood where our sexual, physical, spiritual, mental and emotional depths had a lot of understanding. There wasn't censorship and free media and Television had became something of a controlled and manipulated information, into disinformation and misinformation, or mis-education. We, as 90s kids, learned to sheathed our swords (or weapon of choice) to defend our family and friends. Independence is life skills for self-governing body of knowledge. 

If my sister Billie Jean, gets her own house; which she is the ideal candidate for such things. I know that I won't be able to move in with her because they want a family house, I want my own place and hopefully, thrive in Eskasoni if I am to move back. I need to battle my battles, I need to work on my self-advocacy skills. As adults we have to break the cycles of intergenerational legacy's hells. And learn to bridge the gap between Gen Z and Gen X.